Aw crap! You know how we were all excited about the hot, dusty cowboy sex between Jake Gyllenhaal and Heath Ledger in the forthcoming Brokeback Mountain? Well, apparently, it ain't gonna happen. Gawker quotes Ang Lee as saying, "two men herding sheep was far more sexual than two men having sex on screen". Um, no. Give us the hot dusty Jake cowboy sex!

I'm sick, so I feel perfectly within my rights to while away an afternoon listening to CDs rather than doing my crap essay. So, the Modest Mouse album is totally great. The last few songs kinda don't match the kick ass of the rest of the album, but still, it really really kicks ass. Wait, strike that. Am listening to the last few again, and they also rule. Everything rules. It's all kinda excitingly idiosyncratic, or offbeat, or whatever. Sometimes reminds me of the Flaming Lips, sometimes the White Stripes, but still very much its own thing. Standouts are plentiful, but I defy you not to exclaim and grin and share an appreciative nod with whoever is around you at the greatness of Bury Me With It and, as previously mentioned, Satin In A Coffin. Damn! This album is really really great. Also listened to PJ Harvey's new one. What can I say? It's PJ! She rules. I can't believe she's only playing Byron Bay and nowhere else. The album kinda sounds more like earlier stuff, kinda stripped back and, you know, wrenching and stuff. Oh man, everything she does is wonderful. Oh PJ, please come to Melbourne! I implore you.

Watched Honey on the weekend. Now I can't stop saying "That's hot" or "Your flava's hot" and then giggling maniacally. Still, for a dance movie, it was way better than I expected.

Um, so the Perth restaurant won My Restaurant Rules last night. Which I just don't understand. I mean, I know it was a popularity contest so the result would not necessarily reflect which restaurant was the best, but, um, how could such annoying, ugly losers as those associated with the Perth restaurant possibly win a popularity contest? Their restaurant totally sucking is beside the point. What I want to know is, what on earth was likeable about them? Makes no sense. So wrong. I mean, they were so ugly. The restaurant was ugly, the staff were ugly, the staff uniforms were ugly [blergh, those off-the-shoulder dun coloured tops for the waitressess, shudder], that Ash loser dude was ugly. OH MY GOD he was just so painful to watch. I mean, he kept banging on and on and on about crap, and deploying lame and incredibly boring jingoism talk and some parochialism bizzo. I can't believe people bought it. It was all so very much about him. Why did people look to him as a leader? How could they stand to be around him for extended periods of time as he went on and on and on and on and on and on? I have spent every Sunday night for the past few months just yelling "SHUT UP! Shut the fuck up!" at the TV. Ew. So very painful. Apparently there was a 'cult of personality' around Ash, and I just don't understand what people liked about him. Why would people warm to a guy who says "Go on, ya Anzac"? What the fuck does that mean? I would be more outraged right now except that I feel so damn sick. Ogh, how my bones ache. Have been suppressing puke all day, which didn't make my three-hour exam this morning very pleasant. So to cut to the final verdict on the result, I'll just quote Erin. She SMSed me on Sunday night asking who had won, and when I messaged back "Fuckin Perth won", she came back with "Oh fuck! That's shit". Precisely baby.

Ooh, speaking of people banging on and on and on at you about shit, watched Converting Newcastle on Compass last night. Ew, so very awkward. Man, evangelists are preachy.

NO! NOOOOOOOO!!!! Please NO! Aaaaaghh! Waaaaaa! [cursing, bawling and general inconsolability]... IT CAN'T BE TRUE! Julian is engaged?! Sob. Shudder. Retch. Freak out. But he's my man!

Ah crap! This story in today's Australian had better not be true. My god, it's barely been days since they were rocking out their fucking greatness at their Melbourne gig. Is it possible that I witnessed the last great shake of The Vines? I mean, that would be cool and all, but like, I'd prefer it if they were just happy, great and rockin, like they were on Wednesday.

That iPod ad is just taunting me now. It's already been on about three times this morning. Man! I was all set for a Vines revival. Reversal of fortunes etc.

Nah. I'm sure everything's alright. I mean, what would The Australian know anyway? I mean, that story's about a web rumour, quoting fan forums. Um, helloo! What the hell does that mean? Nothin! And why would I trust The Australian at all? A-holes. Am currently feeling enraged after reading this stinking pile of dumbarse crap. The "Gay marriage not needed" title caught my eye. Grrrr. Spluttered over my coffee. So much of it was offensive to me. From the first sentence, "Homosexual Australians had a big practical win and a small symbolic defeat this week", to the last, "They may not be married under the law but surely how they, and the people in their lives, perceive their relationship is what matters most." Grrrrrrr!

See, the government has announced legislation to allow superannuation to pass to a same sex partner without penalty tax. Wow. News like that enriches the soul, don't it? But The Australian chides that this great leap forward, "was not enough to stop gay activist outrage at other government decisions, to forbid legally recognised gay marriages and to prevent Australian recognition of the adoption of children by same sex couples in other countries." Tsk tsk. Damn gay activists! Here we are, ushering in an enlightened new era of superannuation legislation and they're banging on about piddling little things like being able to get married and adopt children! Those gays! How ungrateful! You try to be nice to people! But they won't be happy until things actually change! This is strike three for The Australian. George Pell, Janet Albrechtsen, and now an anonymous staff hack making the same 'accepting' and 'not-hateful-or-discriminatory-at-all' case, which, nonetheless, lacks acceptance and pointedly celebrates discrimination. We might almost call that 'routine' prejudice, except that "The days when gays and lesbians were routinely subjected to blatant prejudice in the courts and community are over". Yep, sooo over. Was also annoyed/amused at the lame and shallow attempt at pre-emptively debunking the opposing argument, with the sentence "Gays who argue this is demeaning and unjust should get over it." Like, talk to the hand, yo! This annoyed me until I realised that, HA! That means I don't have to get over it at all! I'm free to say "this is demeaning and unjust" to my heart's content. Yay! THIS IS DEMEANING AND UNJUST. Just another perk of being straight. I can also get married, and even adopt children if I want to. And "social engineers on the bench" be damned! Hee hee. For any American readers, this is the Australian way of saying "activist judges".

I just went to this site and apparently I'm going to die on Wednesday, November 24, 2055. Clear your diary for that week, folks. You're gonna be inconsolable.

News just in to tickle your fancy. My ma returned from her sojourn in Europe today. She bumped into Thorpie in Florence. And I mean, she actually bumped into him. She was walking along and, like, bam! She came up against a huge manly torso. My first question was, "What was he wearing?" She said he was wearing a grey hoody thing. And I was like, "Was he wearing any pearls? Could you see his underwear?" And she just looked at me funny and continued her story. She said she was in the midst of apologising to this giant stranger for bumping into him when he started saying "Oh no. That's alright". And because they were both speaking in Australian accents they looked at each other in laughing relief, but then as soon as their eyes met, my mum went "Oh", recognising him. And then he went, "Oh", realising he had been recognised. And then they both just cut and ran. Well, walked. It sounded like a funny little meeting. I was laughing, anyway.

Mostly an excuse to post some graphics, but here's the aforementioned Clockwork Orange Kylie... Sorry bout this Elanor... 

Right. Pharrell Williams in this month's Q Magazine:

Q: Why is the new NERD album called Fly or Die?
Our hearts went out to the soldiers in Iraq who never had a chance to spend Christmas with their families. They might not agree with what they have to do. They didn't have a choice. Thing is, if a helicopter is crashing then you can't even eject outta that shit. The blades are gonna chop you to pieces. That's fucked up. Unless you can eject your ass out sideways. But fly or die is a life motto. You gotta take the risk and achieve something or... die.

Q: You're not on drugs, are you?
Never have, never will.

Went to The Vines gig earlier tonight. OHMYGOD! They were fucking great! And if any of you fuckers are sitting there judging me for liking them, get lost. You're a loser. I am not going to be polite and accomodating about it anymore. No longer will I stay a closeted Vines freak. I'M OUT, BABY! And I'm not apologising for it either. Cos I'M RIGHT! The Vines are great! If I needed proof, tonight provided. I always used to figure that people had a reason for dissing them, and was prepared to accept that they just had different, equally reasonable, opinions, even if it all sounded phooey to me. Maybe they had a bad live experience or they for some unkown reason didn't dig the albums. And because most of them were so forceful and certain about it, to any "The Vines suck" talk, I'd just respond sheepishly, "Well, I like them." And I considered that brave. I even started thinking, "maybe they're just an okay band, rather than a good one". I wasn't even really revved for tonight's concert, so doubtful had I become of a band that had never given me any cause for doubt. Anyway, now I'm reborn. Last time I saw them they were good, but OH MY LORD, I cannot begin to express to you how GREAT this gig was. It was like, sooo great! I mean, that is just a fact. No subjectivity here. They were on fire. I can't even pinpoint a single highlight because the whole night was a highlight! From the moment they got on stage, every moment was glorious! Holy fuck!

Okay that's not strictly true. I mean, they were glorious for every moment, but not every moment was glorious for me. The support bands were okay, pretty alright. Youth Group was the better one, with some beauty and some rockin, so I might keep an eye on them. Not a devotee yet, though. So that part of the evening wasn't particularly glorious. The Vines blew everyone out of the water, which kinda made up for it. Another inglorious bit for me came the moment the boys hit the stage, when a mass of people rushed up and I got slammed, suddenly finding myself in the middle of an intense mosh crush. It seemed way more intense than usual. So, for the first few minutes while The Vines were up on stage being brilliant, I was concentrating on keeping my footing. Also, some dude was thrusting into my ass. I spent a little time trying to decide if his vigourous thrusts were intentional, or if they were just an unlucky side-effect of the moshing action. Then I realised, "Hey, moshing is a vertical movement, what the hell is his pelvis doing coming at my ass?" [It was like that 'energiser bunny' kind of thing.] Ratbag. I busted my way out of there to the side, and the night got immediately better. It was all good from there. And it was all sooo good! Especially as I could now actually see the band. Holy shit, Craig's voice. AMAZING! Um, just everything. AMAZING! A good time was had by one and all, methinks. The band too. I mean, why wouldn't they enjoy being shit-hot? But you never know. I reckon they were having fun though, because when Craig spazzed out a little and knocked over Patrick's microphone, Patrick actually smiled, which I took as a good sign. I don't know how many times I can say how great this gig was, but ohymgod, it was so great! Dudes, I was BEAMING all the way through it. And if anyone wants to hang shit on me for liking The Vines and enjoying myself silly at their gig, you can't have been there so shut up! No, don't shut up. BRING IT! I'll take you all on because now I've got certitude. That's it. They're amazing. End of story! Man, I really can't believe how good they were. Honestly, I wasn't expecting that level of fantastic-ness. I heard they were shit on Rove or something. But Jesus, tonight totally fucking RULED!
You know, aside from the ass-pumping. SHITHEAD!

Yep, Elanor's initial verdict was spot on - Something About Miriam is extremely boring. The one funny bit was when they tried to have their own generic reality-show "eviction" moment, with the guys lined up, Miriam passing judgement and that "dramatic cliffhanger" music playing. It totally tanked mostly because Miriam seems only able to make vapid, insipid comments ("I like you"). But I guess that's not the point of the show, which as yet hasn't been "revealed". Yet if the point is the final episode, why should we bother sitting through the other eleven or so?

A few days ago I linked to that article in The Australian about Michael Moore, and have since copped some flak for it - flak which, now that I think about it, is deserved. See, truth be told, I felt like I should blog something, so it was after a hasty read-over that I linked it. What I agreed with was the assertion that Moore, in drawing broad connections between disparate political and cultural phenomena, sometimes gets his facts wrong -like implying that because there was a Boeing plant (which actually made weather balloons) near Columbine, arms manufacture was somehow implicated in creating the culture that made the shootings possible (which it may well have been, but its a hard thing to prove). I think Moore veers towards the symbolic, and the facts sometimes come second. But on reflection, this isn't necessarily the worst thing in the world. Like Ruth suggested in the comments section, really, Moore's written books and movies that are supposed to push a broad political message through observation and humour - whatever the facts, at least he's making people question the nature of modern America. And if the agenda is to boot out Bush, then whatever way he's gonna help get that done almost justifies itself. So I guess the whole thrust of the article, in trying to undermine Moore by pointing to factual errors, kinda misses the point. I also failed to notice the strong racist undertones ("medieval reactionary force") tucked in there. So anyway, this is totally self-important, but just letting people know that I haven't yet been seduced by The Australian, which is, of course, the home of my good friend, Janet Albrechtsen...

Ha ha ha. Some hapless Channel 7 sports reporter had to do a live cross on tonight's news, to "reveal" that "a Hawthorn football player" will "tomorrow reveal" that he suffers from depression. The reporter then went on to describe depression, and its symptoms using sports terminology: it was to be "tackled"; Beyondblue promotes "anti-depression and other tactics"; one in six men, "some of these possibly sportsmen", may suffer from depression... oh man, classic train-wreck live TV. Meanwhile, now that I think about it, why do we need a live cross (from some random Southgate locale) to give us advanced warning about a mildly significant event, that will happen tomorrow? Reminds me of Channel 10's dodgy live feeds from various locations within a five minute radius of their South Yarra HQ...

Have spent the afternoon listening to The Von Bondies' first album, Lack of Communication, which I bought today. Man, I really love it. Brings back all these memories of their gig. I think it's a really great album, too. Maybe not as good as their second one, but a definite keeper. Hey, I think that brings my tally of Jack White-produced albums to three. Last year I got the Whirlwhind Heat album [it rules] and then I got Loretta yesterday [rules] and the first Von Bondies one today [rules]. Huh. Jack rules. Today I also bought an MC5 album. It's called Back in The USA. Did I get a good one? I suppose I'll find out when I listen to it. Am gonna buy the Modest Mouse album tomorrow. I really like that Satin Covered Coffin song, you know, that goes, like, "Are you dead or are you sleepin? Are you dead or are you sleepin? Are you dead or are you sleepin? Well I sho hope you are dead." Yeah. I really like that song. Heard it on Letterman. I was listening to the rest of the album on the earphones in the HMV store today, and that clinched it. I wanted to buy it but I'd already spent all the money I had on me at JB Hi-Fi. Guess I'll just get it tomorrow. Still haven't been able to listen to The Zutons album. Stupid stereo is anti-Zutons for some reason. She'll play everything else but them. Weird. She let me listen to Patti Smith's album, though, and it rules big time. BIG TIME!

Oh man, I've got Loretta on in the background. SO great! Goddamn!

Went to sleep at 9.30 last night after not going to bed the night before, and have just woken up from that nap to study for test today. Even with only four hours sleep, I feel really refreshed. So of course am procrastinating. Anyway, yesterday, I went on a CD buying binge. I think I did good. I got Loretta Lynn's new one, and I have loved as much of it as I have heard so far. Yay. I also got Cut Copy's album. Also loved it. I can't believe these guys are from Melbourne. Anyway, the album's ace. Also got a best of Cheap Trick album. Fucking gold. Oh my god do I love that If You Want My Love song. Have had it in my head for the last few days, since I heard it playing as the credits rolled on Joe Dirt. Man, I love Cheap Trick. What else did I get? Oh yeah. Patti Smith's new one. I haven't listened to it yet, but I heard the song Jubilee on Letterman and really loved it. Am assuming that this album will be great. Am also assuming that The Zutons album will be great. I tried to play it but my stereo wasn't recognising it, so I'll have to wait until it's in a better mood. I love that Pressure Point song and I also love the fact that one of The Zutons is the brother of The Stands lead singer, Howie Payne. That's just nice. They also seem to know The Coral, which only bodes well. So yeah, I did good. Was thinking about getting some other things, like an MC5 album, a Soledad Brothers album, and that Ryan Adams one, Love Is Hell, that has just been released as one whole album rather than two. Maybe next time. I'm not sure if I've ever heard any MC5 songs, or any by the Soledad Brothers either. And I don't yet own a Ryan Adams album. I just feel like all these guys might be something special. It felt silly to be considering buying things I didn't even know that I would like. So I didn't buy them. But I do feel like I should check all of them out. I liked that Ryan Adams album Leah played in the car once. I think it was a really early one. I considered buying a Whiskeytown album too. But the problem of never actually having heard any of it again bothered me. Oh well, I've got uni holidays coming up so I'll be able to luxuriate in, and devote myself uninterrupted to, getting to hear everything that it is necessary for human ears to hear.

Even though Dickhead Uni Students give him the shits, a nice chap named Agent FareEvader has overcome his distaste for our sort and linked to us. So check out Hecho En Mexico. It's down there, on your left.

Good opinion piece in The Australian about the more irrational side of Michael Moore.

Have just been watching Compass on the ABC, and the documentary that screened tonight was called Trembling Before G-d, about gay and lesbian orthodox Jews. It was really really interesting. Man, orthodoxy is intense. The rituals and stuff, it was so interesting. It was also sad, because, even with all this intellectual theology and study and stuff, rabbis would still very politely tell gay people that no, they weren't okay and then suggest therapy and drugs and celibacy and stuff. Anyway, so there were all these important matters of identity and all this cool religious language being dropped into the middle of English sentences, and there was this really good point made by this gay orthodox rabbi about how their covenant with god is a two-way street, like how Abraham or somebody made god change his mind one time, and some other guy did too, and so the covenant is about both sides being responsive and talking and stuff, etc. Which was all cool. But instead of talking about all that, I'm going straight for the funny bit.

You see, there was one really hilarious scene in the documentary. It was in this room in Jerusalem, where all these men were doing an atonement for the sin of homosexual sex. They were very dour. The ritual was announced, with the rabbi going something like "Now we will perform the ritual to atone for the sin of having sex with men. Let us pray for any sinners, if they be among us." Which I thought was quite ridiculously tactful since all the men there had clearly come to do that specific ritual. But I guess it might have made some feel less anxious about being there, so that later, if they met a guy in the street or synagogue and he said, "Your face looks familiar. Where have I seen you before? Oh yes! At the atonement ceremony we were at for being gay" they could still feasibly say, thanks to the rabbi's loophole, "Uh, maybe you were there for being gay, but I was just there to add my prayers and help out any sinners, if they were among us. I'm a giver, see."

Anyway, to the ritual. They started off by praying and kinda moving while they prayed, which, in the closely packed room, meant that they were rubbing against one another. The next part of the ritual that they had to do was rub ice, or what appeared to be ice, all over their skin and stuff. And then, the last part of the ritual had them all sitting down again, with each of them, with great intensity, blowing a horn! I'm sorry, but that just seemed like the kinkiest, most suggestive atonement ceremony ever! Close physical proximity, icing up your nipples and watching as all these other men did the same and then BLOWING A HORN!!! Hilarious! I found it, like, totally funny. None of them were cracking a smile though. Which made it even more funny. They were treating it all as a very serious undertaking to atone for their sex with men. Which might make you sad to think about, if you weren't instead focussing, like me, on the fact that they were doing this by being packed in tight to a room full of other men, rubbing ice on their skin and then blowing horns for a long time. All straight faced! Man, orthodox people are intense.

I'm starting to really check out Compass each week. I know it's religious programming, but it has delivered such gold documentaries as Hollywood Religions, [which I could watch endlessly. Man I wonder where I could get a copy of that?] and that Devil's Playground one about Amish rumspringer, and that one about how Jesus didn't really die on the cross, but was spirited away by his followers to 'rise' a few days later. See, no-one dies from crucifixion in three hours. Finally, a reason to use my oh-so-cheeky word invention, crucifiction. I'm probably not the first to use it, but aaaah. That felt good. Anyway, I can't wait for next week's Compass, which is gonna be about converting the kiddies through Christian rap and rock. Hey, they're coming to a stadium arena near you. Don't think that just because you're Australian you can escape this shit. I mean THEY'RE AUSTRALIAN! They're in frickin Newcastle! Anyway, I can see this is going to be a great religious documentary, fulfilling both requirements of horror and hilarity. Exactly my cup of tea. The advance clip contained this fantastic tidbit. See, there's this 'funky dude', who is the lead singer, on a big stage, and he's introducing his song to the the packed out stadium crowd [which is fucking scary]. Anyway, he goes "I wanna dedicate this next song to my best friend..... The Creator of the Universe". And then the music starts up and, whaddiya know, he launches into a little ditty called My Best Friend's The Creator of the Universe. Raaahahahaaha!!!

Today, via my sister, I got word that a friend of ours who lives in London is having a housewarming party soon. No big deal, right? And, as it's in London, neither of us can really be expected to attend, so what gives? Well, the fact that we won't be attending the party pretty much served as the reason for alerting us to its forthcomingness. This was the gleeful text of the message; "The datsuns are coming to our house warming!" OH MY GOD! The frickin Datsuns! Damn damn damn! Hangin with Dolf at a house party in East Dulwich! How damn cool would that be? Man! How does this happen? Stupid people who aren't ME who nonetheless get to meet people I like and then GET TO HANG WITH THEM!! Curse them! No gift for you!