And now the time has come for some unpleasantness. All is not well in blogland. I must take this opportunity to direct much anger and resentment toward my fellow Symposiarch for his completely inappropriate influence. Golly damnation Guy, you are such a corrupting presence in my life! Before I met you, I could be resolutely dismissive of the world of pop without having to think twice on it. But now I am done for. Done for I tells ya. And it is all down to you. You fiend! You are a wicked wicked man who has led me to other ideas; dangerous ideas; powerful ideas. I shudder to think of the depths to which I have been lowered. How easily have I been seduced? Until now, I thought I could handle myself around your illicit tastes. I wasn’t too alarmed. Even when you played me Madonna’s new album and somehow managed to make me enjoy listening to it, I was still okay with myself. I could discount that as a blip. I was still impervious. I would not be drawn in, or at least, never to the dangerous extent that so many other casualties around me had been. I would never buy a Kylie album. I was safe. But now my wits have forsaken me. I am lost.

You see, in an effort to stay true to the spirit of birthday giving, I decided to exchange the Goldfrapp CD you bought me [which I already had] for a CD that you yourself specified should be its replacement. I felt duty bound by the birthday compact to honour your wishes. So I did it. And the shame is more than I can bear. You see, I bought Christina Aguilera’s Stripped, and, well, how can I say this? Ahem, I LOVE IT! I have a message for all the ladies out there – take comfort girls, coz “L’il Kim and Christina Aguilera got your back”. Yeah, “Speak on it, girl”. Hee hee. The album begins really well, with great thrilling stuff like Nobody Can Hold Us Down and Walk Away and Fighter. I would have to confirm that Make Over definitely rips off the Sugababes' Round Round, but no matter. Christina always does her best with the ‘I been wronged’ songs. Her voice really works with bluesy stuff. But I’m not, like, a fan or anything. Although I am. Yet I haven’t taken leave of my senses entirely. I haven’t been swallowed up whole. Thankfully for my sanity, as the album continues, it gets really scary. When you get to the ANTHEMS, intimations of horror abound. You can’t help but think, “if these got into the wrong hands”… oh, the humanity! It’s unimaginable. So many of them are liable for abuse. I have nightmarish visions of the entire Oprah-viewing audience hearing them like a soundtrack for womanhood and saying things like "As a woman, I really relate to this album. I’m going to give it to my daughter before she leaves for college". I will give a few chilling examples of the damage and lameness these anthems may perpetuate, so that Guy can be made to realise just what a perilous element he is recommending to the world. Spare a thought for the graduating high school students of 2003. Think of Prom, Guy. The most important night of young virgins’ lives. And now imagine the memory of that night being tarnished by the repeated and ‘meaningful’ playing of the song Soar. In a few months these pimply youths will be undergrads, and they’ll scorn themselves something rotten. They must be spared the anguish. You don’t get those moments back. But it could be worse even than that. Oh God. Consider the Valedictorian’s speech [ew ew ew!]. And now consider how rife with ‘applicable quotations’ the album is. Now put the two together. Nooooooooooo! It’s just unconscionable. The horror... the horror! This album really needs to be banned in certain quarters. I never thought I’d say this, but some people just haven't the critical faculties to handle it. They will interpret it literally, and they will behave like losers because of it. God damnit, Guy, can't you see what you’ve done? I am making a case for censorship here! This is a complete disavowal of everything I hold sacred and true. I hope you’re happy with yourself, you demon hellspawn of a boy.

Geez. I really need to get a grip on myself. I can’t just lash out at a friend like that. I need to calm down. Maybe I’ll just go sit in a dark room and find my integrity with the aid of The Voice Within, or perhaps tap into my inner peace with Keep On Singing My Song... Oh. My. God.