Thursday, September 04, 2003

Have just found the ultimate, ultimate magazine for those who like the world of celebrity, but are way cooler than people at the checkout reading WHO weekly (NW I count as cool). Here’s my story:

I went into Readings intending to buy My Brother Jack, which I have to read by Monday. After having a look at it and thinking “not gonna happen” I ambled over to the mags section (where Leah was already positioned). I scanned for a bit. I noticed that The New Yorker had a headline which read “could water be next?” I had a chuckle thinking about vulnerable New York elites. This thought passed quicly, however, as a Hilton sister caught my eye. Actually, BOTH Hilton sisters – and one was wearing a tiara. “This could be good”, I thought to myself, reaching for the magazine. Then I saw the headline, and I knew that… I was home. It read: “B-List Nation: Why screwy second-rate stars are conquering America’s A-List, starring Paris and Nicky Hilton”. Welcome to Radar Magazine.

What impressed me (and impresses me still) is the thoroughness with which they’ve covered the topic of B-List celebs. This is no right-hand side, top of the page, boxed-in column. This is a serious six page extravaganza, opened with a picture of Mini-Me and featuring a list of who’s-who in the B-List world (“Dolly Parton: B-List and Loving it!; Joan Collins: Lifetime B-chiever”), charts, wrap-ups, and even a three page A versus B face-off between Gwyneth Paltrow and Melissa Rivers. Gold! Forgive me for gushing, but it just kept getting better. Flipping through the pages I found a global map of plastic surgery “hot-spots” (with the Andes being represented by giant breasts), a taste test between “Iraqi Road” ice cream and “New York Super Fudge Chunk” (mediated by TV pundits like that horrible Sean Hannity dude) and an “Ask America” section which reveals that 67% of Americans think that J.Lo’s ego is larger than her “ass”. Then there's the face-off between Matt Drudge and Camille Paglia, the shameless gossip ("I heard that Pam Anderson's Barb Wire was a remake of Casablanca") AND the totally hilarious fashion spread showcasing
chic minimum wage fashion: "With a palette of fuchsia, pink, glazed and jelly-filled, Ines [the model] showas that “Time to make the donuts” means it’s time to look fantastic! No, Ines, make those donuts to stay…" Gold! I know that the humour is kind of lost here, and that this post is a mess, but you’ve gotta BUY THIS MAGAZINE. Or actually, BORROW THIS MAGAZINE, cause its kinda expensive. Buy, or borrow – read it and enjoy a new world order of intelligent celebrity criticism. You’re time is up, NW…

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