I don't know if anyone else read the 'scathing' critique delivered about Nip/Tuck in the most recent Green Guide, but I just did and it really shat me. The guy who wrote it, John C. Murray, showed himself up as an utter twat. He obviously doesn't like the show, which shows poor TV spirit but is allowable. However, what cannot be ingested without consternation is his belief that he has good and objectively principled reasons for disliking the show. I'm here to tell you; he so doesn't. Murray's article rehashes Nip/Tuck plot points, as if, by simply repeating the show's narratives its underlying ludicrousness will out. I will employ much the same tactic here. Because this fellow's gotta go down, and I really think his own words'll do it for him. You see, I love this freakin show. It's good. It packs some great thrills and some character-allegiance wars you can really get stuck into [I personally think other characters take their shit out on Julian McMahon's character way too much. Lay off him!]. Anyway, diss Nip/Tuck will you? Oh, baby, it is on!

While making it clear that he is not worried by the "bloody detail" of the surgical procedures shown on the show [you see, he's no kneejerk wowser], he is still "disturbed when they are displayed free of any justifying dramatic context". Apart from that gripe being a cliché, um, duuude! They are plastic surgeons! They perform plastic surgery! Hello context! He also thought the whole 'Matt walking in on his girlfriend with her girlfriend' story line was a silly and peurile male fantasy [porn industry staple] which signalled that the show was entering "the realm of utter farce". And you wanna know his reason for thinking this? It was because, "true to tawdry tradition, Vanessa and Ridley [the lesbians] are, for some reason [my italics], wearing skimpy cheerleading outfits". Er, John, that's because they're like, cheerleaders! So there! It was a dramatically consistent scene, mister, so let's just enjoy it, eh? But what annoyed me most about the article was that he wasn't prepared to give the show anything. He says, and I quote, "and why, we might ask, is a series that seeks to reveal and condemn the American obsession with good looks populated by a cast of such good-looking people?" Oh fuck off mate. Seriously. Am I supposed to say touché here? Cos I ain't gonna. Firstly, it's television, so good-looking people abound anyway, and you're a bit of a shit to beat the show down by holding it to a different standard than other entertainment pieces. Soooo not touché. Secondly, I don't think the show professes to be so clunkily preachy that it seeks to "reveal and condemn" anything. I mean, we are free to read this condemnation in the show if we so wish, and there have been some storylines which could support that case. But to go so far as to call it an aim. I don't know, you might be reaching there. Either way, you're a dick because you seek to back up this point by saying "even the grossly overweight Nanette Babcock has pretty features". Whoah... Whoah! There is just so much that's wrong with that! Which is fine by me, because you completely lose all the collateral you've tried to establish about not being a pig. Hah! But I don't care anymore. It's actually a waste of time writing about how much of a git he is [but this is a blog, and you're reading it, so you've got time and I won't spare you] when he actually reveals it himself at the end by talking about the 'real women' in the 'real drama' shows that he prefers to watch over the likes of Nip/Tuck and its "sex-drenched phoniness". [Yay, sex-drenched phoniness!] You see, after watching Nip/Tuck, he's gonna "turn in relief" to the likes of Tyne Daly from Judging Amy because "these women have lived-in faces, the mature countenances of interesting people leading solid, multi-dimensional, dramatic lives". Oh John C. Murray, I shudder in your general direction. But, whatever. The problem is, these multi-dimensional women you speak of also happen to be in shit shows. Judging Amy really is insufferable, especially Tyne Daly. Trounced!

So, John C. Murray, you're a dick, okay? Alright, maybe not, but you pissed me off. Nip/Tuck rules! Just go with it, okay? There's room for frothy fun. Spirit in which it is intended and all that. Anyway, it is so not the right show to fight your battles over, man. You just can't argue 'seriously' about Nip/Tuck without pratting yourself. I mean, I have probably pratted myself arguing about it here. But I am okay with that.