Okay, I just returned from my trip to Darwin this morning, so, you know, blah blah, natural wonders of Kakadu, blah blah, tropical weather, blah blah, burnt and blistered and seeping skin, blah blah, all good holiday fun, yes? Or, was it THE worst and most damaging decision OF MY LIFE?! I'm in the middle of a mental breakdown at the moment, so I can't quite tell which. You see, Darwin does not get CHANNEL 10. I never thought much of this situation before, as why would I? Darwin not having Channel 10 could never effect me in any profound way, right? AAAAAAARRRRGGGHHH!!! Now, I have come to see that this pissy little dumbass regional TV anomaly is completely RIDICULOUS and WRONG and, in relation to me, A FATAL MISTAKE! I AM UNDONE! All I did was go to Darwin for 6 freakin days, and now, MY LIFE IS OVER! But, there might still be hope for me, right? PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE, somebody tell me that they taped the final three episodes of Dawson's Creek [which aired, in Melbourne, at 1.30pm on Channel 10 on Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday of this week]. PLEASE!!!! YOU GOTTA HELP ME! I did not watch [or tape] that frickin show every single damn day of this summer [until my disastrous departure to Darwin] just to be stiffed at the finish. C'mon people, I GOTTA see those episodes. I NEED closure. Dawson MUST die horribly so that everyone else on the show can develop into the cool people they have shown the potential to be whenever Dawson is NOT around. Or, there could be this showdown, where everyone tells Dawson what a dick he is and vow as a group never to speak to him again, unless it is to say "Shut up, dick!" And DON'T tell me that that's not how it ends, okay people? Just cough up the tape and let me see every missed moment of it for myself. Honestly though, I will be eternally grateful for any skerrick of footage. Without it, I will be sick with pain for the remainder of my [now hideously short] life. I have been forsaken most cruelly. My psyche is in grave danger. I cannot assimilate this loss. It is too much. Bloody goddamn Darwin! Bloody goddamn me! A pox on the both of us. I can't believe I witlessly abetted my own demise. Why didn't I THINK? Oh, this is a bitter end. PLEASE! CAN ANYBODY HELP ME!
P.S.Never leaving my house again!
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