Yeah, so Ronald Reagan died and the coverage is painful. We knew this day would come. Pile of crap indeed. People have been working up to this for a while, though. For the past ten years we have been treated to the constant revision of his image. And he got scrubbed cleaner and cleaner each time. Will be sorely disappointed if one of the funny papers does not come up with the headline "Reagan dies at 93 after long battle with Alztheimer's: Collective amnesia ensues." Or some such.

Seriously, revisionism has turned people's heads. So much so that these days, mentioning Reagan's responsibility for the funding black-hole wrongheadedness that is Star Wars Missile Defence, or talking about 'Reaganomics' [which, just so you know, are EXTREME and DON'T WORK] somehow doesn't cause people to spit "What a dumb prat". Rather, they go, "Ooh, forward-thinking."

Arrggh! I know this is disrespectful to the dearly departed, but he did a really bad job! Really really bad! I mean, huge tax cuts for the wealthy AND huge military spending? WHO DOES THAT? [Badoom-ching!] Ergh, I can't believe Reagan managed to win so many working class votes while running on an anti-Welfare platform. That enrages me! How could that happen? Oh well, I guess that's why he was "The Great Communicator" blergh blergh. Clearly, he could talk people into acting against their own interests.

By the way, and I don't think I'm taking crazy-pills here, but Reagan was NOT individually responsible for the end of the Cold War/breakdown of the Soviet Union. People have taken to praising him for 'accelerating' this process [BY A FEW WEEKS!], which has somehow expanded to crediting him with the whole shabang. Just a word of caution here. Ya might want to consider the years of internal untenability in the USSR, and the role played by some dude named Gorbachev and his perestroika business, if you're writing an essay on that shit, okay? You'd probably have to go back and mention detente and all those guys too. Saying "Reagan did it" will not get you a good mark, anywhere [we hope]. Poor Russians. Americans always get to take credit for what you do. Fighting the good fight [and dying A LOT] in World War II, having a history of being fucked over by your own leaders way before the country folded. Russia did it. Where's the credit, eh?

Anyway, we're talking about Reagan. It's not easy. Last year in Time there was a feature on all these letters he had written to his family and others, and, upon reading them, I found myself liking the man, which I found very discomfiting. So if any of you this week find yourselves having more tender feelings for the nice dead man, I've been there. I can help you. Here is a fortifying strategy to cling to in a world gone Reagan mad.

They will say:
"He was 'tarnished' by the Iran-Contra affair."
You will chant:
"Impeach impeach impeach. Helloo, High Crimes and Misdemeanors much?"

They will say:
"As SAG president, he got his political feet wet leading the campaign against communist sympathisers in Hollywood."
You will chant:
"Shame shame shame. ARTHUR MILLER IS MY HOMEBOY."

Got it? Use it. Tough times ahead. Seriously, I just heard Doris Kearns Goodwin on Meet the Press say "That was the magic of Reagan". To which you chant?... Come on, children. Okay, I'll help you out on this one. The correct answer is "Dark dark magic."

P.S. Just as a sidenote, I can't deny that Reagan's death is momentous. You wanna know why I can't deny this? Because Katie Couric and Matt Lauer are working on a Sunday. HUGE!