Thursday, October 21, 2004

How much does Little Britain rule? A LOT, methinks. Or, at the very least, a little.

Anyway, I didn't realise Playing It Straight was still around. But it is. And the woman's fixation with 'dishonest gays' is even more pronounced than the last time I checked in with the show. She just can't seem to talk about anything else. The dates she goes on with the guys are the most painful things to watch. I don't know how the men stand it. Her personality is highly annoying, and she is a conversational bore. She never fails to turn the conversation to her favourite topic with subtle segues, like, "Oh, you went to primary school. How interesting. Are you gay?" She then devotes the rest of the date to talking at the men about gay gay gay gay gay and how very hard it is to be in her position. I mean, they've been over this and over this again and again on each of their previous dates, I'm sure. But still they're forced to go, "Oh, this must be so difficult for you. I'm very concerned for your well-being. You're just so great." Puke. She keeps saying she hopes whoever the gay guy is 'develops a conscience' and bows out of the game, because, like, what kind of a person could spend time getting to know her and yet be able to 'hurt' her like that, just for money? Well, ME for one. If I was forced to respectfully listen to her bullshit needling about morality and conscience, and about how her 'real feelings' are involved and how heartbreak and emotional devastation are real possibilities for her if it turns out she picks a gay guy, then you better believe that at the very least I would be smiling politely while thinking to myself, "Oh, I am SO taking you down." I sometimes imagine that I see these thoughts in the faces of the men as they listen to her. But then they say how much they like her and how 'fantastic' she is, which baffles me. I hope it's not genuine. Also, I don't understand why the men's "gayness" or "not gayness" is being measured by how they relate to this woman. If they're awkward about touching her or haven't kissed her, they're suspected of being gay. But isn't it possible that they just don't like her, despite their compatible sexualities?

Anyway, the show is on now, and I really really really, like really, want this episode to end thusly:

"Playing It Straight" BARN SCENE

...One of the guys stands up on his haystack before the eviction ceremony starts and says,
"Wait. Before we start, I have something to say."

Gasps. Shock. Amazement. Reaction shots are required for all those present, set to thudding heartbeat music. Then, there will be an ad break. When we return, the mood is serious, and the cast waits with baited breath to hear what the guy who has 'something to say' has to, well, say.

What they EXPECT him to say is,
"I can't bear to lie to you anymore. You're such a great girl. I just can't do it to you. I'm pulling out of the show because.... I'M GAY! [starts sobbing, a la Saxon] Oh god, I'm so sorry. I hate myself so much for having done this to you. I'm so bad. How could I have ever betrayed the trust of a girl as nice and trusting as you? Oh god, I am scum!"

But what he ACTUALLY says is,

"Listen. I just can't take this anymore. I know it's a lot of money and everything. But, yeah, I'm done. I'm pulling out of this game because I just really really don't like you. God it feels so great to finally be able to admit that. Truly, I can't bear the thought of spending any more time with you. You suck. Oh, and by the way, I'm avaricious and STRAIGHT!"....

Tee hee hee. Subverting expectations is just delicious isn't it? And dramatic. And also serves as an important lesson for us all, don't ya think? Yes, quite the worthy ending. But, more importantly, it would ROCK. MY. WORLD.

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