Batman freakiness, in an art / life way...

1. Katie Holmes is Batman’s girlfriend.
2. Katie Holmes is Tom Cruise’s girlfriend.
3. SO IS TOM CRUISE BATMAN?
4. Yes. Let's begin...

Meet my enemy. THE PSYCHIATRIST. HE IS VERY BAD. OOOH, SO VERY BAD.

No, he is NOT gorgeous! He is EVIL. He wants to drug everybody. He’d put drugs in the water supply if he had the chance. He wants us smacked up to our eyeballs on drugs. WHY? I DON’T KNOW WHY! THERE IS NO REASON FOR DRUGS! THEY DO NOTHING! EXCEPT BAD THINGS.

My girlfriend totally hates the Psychiatrist, too.

Look at her. Isn’t she MAGNIFICENT?!

Anyways, holy crap. Look at yourself, You Typical Fucking Psychiatrist. Can't you see that all you’re doing is MASKING THE PROBLEM?

But that’s all you’re capable of, isn’t it, Psychiatrist. Making masks. Wearing masks. And by 'masks' I of course mean 'drugs'. Dude, you wear drugs? You are such a freak! Hey, don’t get glib with me. You don't know the history of psychiatry. I do. OH BOY. DO I. And let me tell you. There is no such thing as a chemical imbalance. The TRUE “science of the mind” tells us that all we need to be well is VITAMINS AND EXERCISE. I jump straight out of bed and do push-ups. And I am a perfectly balanced individual.

OH. MY. GOD. YOU GAVE YOUR SICKO PSYCHIATRIC DRUGS TO MY GIRLFRIEND!
IF I HADN’T GOTTEN THAT VITAMIN SHOT INTO HER SYSTEM…

THWACK! ZAM! TAKE THAT, PSYCHIATRIST!

Listen to me, Psychiatrist. Your pseudo-science drugs are evil. For god's sake man, look at what they do to people! TO KIDS! YOU BASTARD!

etc. etc. etc...

Er, and so on. But now, for the moment when art and life, sadly, diverge. Because, wouldn’t it be so much better if the great lesson of Batman Begins was for Katie Holmes to do exactly as her character does, ie. THIS:

BUT THEN, THIS: "Hmmm, you know what? I like you and all, I’ve even dreamt of this moment since I was a little girl. But, ah, thinking about it, why don’t we cool it until you’re done with making the world into 'A civilization without insanity, without criminals and without war, where the able can prosper and honest beings can have rights, and where man is free to rise to greater heights…' etc. You’re kinda intensely focussed on all that shit right now. So, yeah. Call me when that isn't insanely important to you anymore [ie. never]. Until then, I’m taking these erect nipples and leaving. Bye."

IN LIFE AND ART. IF ONLY.