Supreme Court RULES.

Yippee! And they weren't cunty about it!

THE US Supreme Court has ruled that the military commissions set up by the Bush Administration to try Guantanamo Bay detainees, including David Hicks, are illegal and have to be abandoned...

It means that at the very least, the Pentagon will have to set up standard courts martials for detainees, with all the protections afforded by US law.

Well, maybe they were a bit cunty:

The court ruled that the Administration had the right to detain the prisoners held at Guantanamo, but ruled that if they were to be tried, it had to be through regular court martials.

But let's not think about that now. Let's think about how Guantanamo means fuckedness, and even dickheads are now realising this. The dickhead in point: KOCHIE. My brother informs me that this morning on Sunrise he was making good, obvious, decent points about Guantanamo being fucked. Yes. KOCHIE. Now now, don't freak out about this intersection of good and evil. Instead, think about it this way. The Guantanamo thing is such an affront to justice that there is now a status penalty for supporting it - namely, being worse than Kochie. It's a sobering thought, people.

Tristram Shandy : A Cock & Bull Story.

YES.

Bloggers On The Radio.

I'm filling in for the Monday Breakfast Show on 3CR tomorrow morning, and I'll be playing my recording of Guy, Jess, Ruth, Mel, Agent and Jelly talking about blogging. It's about 30 minutes long and I'll be putting it on at 7.10am, so tune in to 855AM in Melbourne for the shit.

The Sounds Of Children Playing.

Was just having a cigarette in my backyard, and overheard some odd things from the mouths of babes playing in the yard diagonally behind mine. I'm not sure exactly what they were doing, but it sounded like they were appointing roles for a game they were playing. Anyway, this is what I heard, in the manner of Duck, Duck, Goose:

"Arsehole, fag, faggot, nun. Oh, you're a hypocrite Maddy. You're a hypocrite. Maybe you're the dumbest and stupidest person in the world. NO. You're a BANANA."

And then a chorus of giggles, etc. Good times, good times.

Women on the Line Trivia Night

Please do come along and help us raise money for 3CR's Radiothon.

WHEN: Wednesday 21 June @ 7.30pm
WHERE: Upstairs at Vibe on Smith, 123 Smith St Fitzroy
WHAT: A trivia night, obviously. All the questions relate to women, so test your knowledge. Ausculture Jess will be the MC so it should be a fun night.
ENTRY: $15
WHY: To raise our portion of money for 3CR's Radiothon and support community radio's national women's current affairs program / keep women's voices on the air! etc, etc, and more such wank. I am so tired of spruiking. But you should definitely come, is all.

"Since I'm already screwed, here's a message to you: My heart's wide open..."

We have been waiting for many many years for Paris Hilton's album to hit us and cause our brain stem to explode, a wait that has been made cruel and torturous by Paris' own quite constant public claims, in response to questions about what she actually does, that "I'm working on my album." Hearing this over and over in the past few years, I have in some weaker moments been moved to scream, "BUT WHEN IS IT COMING OUT, WOMAN?" It seems, however, that the day IS approaching, and I have been listening to some of the bounty. The brilliant lyric I chose to title this post is from her song Screwed, and yes, it's quite genius, no? We are, however, a bit more worried about Paris' navigation of modern sexual mores, if we are correct in extrapolating her mindset from the lyrics in the single, Stars Are Blind. Particularly, we are quite taken with the pathos and yearning and schoolyard level coquetry of:

"If you show me real love baby, I'll show you mine."

Which we think is just very very sad. What an innocent she is. We are worried she may get her feelings hurt by engaging in such quid pro quo.

Here is another song, Don't Touch It:

"Don't touch it, you ain't bawdy [or, "bought it"?]
You can have a look but you can't afford it.
Don't push it, don't rush it,
You can have a look but you just can't touch it."

Worrisome. Also, we cannot quite believe that it is Paris singing the vocal on Bye Bye Boy. We believe there may have been a mix up on The Internets. Indeed, when I heard it, I exclaimed, "But, she can't talk that fast!"

ALERT: Paris will be appearing on Letterman on June 12. But WILL SHE PERFORM [musically, that is]? Obviously, THIS MUST BE WATCHED.

Get some fucking perspective, you insane fucking cunt.

Three men have killed themselves at Guantanamo Bay. And do you know why? If you thought it was due to the torment of being detained for years and years without charge, you'd be wrong. See:

Navy Rear Admiral Harry Harris, commander of Guantanamo, told a news conference the suicides were an act of warfare.

"They are smart. They are creative, they are committed. They have no regard for life, neither ours nor their own. I believe this was not an act of desperation, but an act of asymmetrical warfare waged against us," Harris said.

I. Hate. You.

It appears I haven't been entirely fair to the Catholic faith.

And I've been informed of this by email (subject line: Have You got any idea?). So, in case any of you are weak minded and have been led astray by me on this matter, let me just set you all straight, as soundly as I have been.

Greetings whoever you may be,

some how got onto your stupid site, and stumbled across your take of the new Pope Benedict (Ratzinger). Let me just ask you "Who on earth are you to make such unqualified views (statements) which, by the way are totally fucked up". I'm not an ideal Catholic by the way,a pretty bad one in fact.... But when I read such senseless rubbish, I get fucken mad.

You have no idea who the new Pope is, but make a statement that "he sucks". Well let me tell you, your the sucker mate. Your narrow minded, and totally ignorant to the stance the catholic church has in terms of morality. Before you say that the catholic church is narrow minded and totally ignorant to todays issues, just remember that to succumb to these ideals would be allot easier than to challenge them morally.

So you'd like it if the church say's it is o.k to have sex before marriage and have countless partners. You'd like it if the church say's it is o.k to get married countless times. Is it o.k to have homosexual relations? Well the church does not question homosexual love, but homosexual sex as it is outside the sanctity of marriage (just like heterosexual sex before marriage) and it is self gratification without a means of procreation (likewise having heterosexual sex with a condom).

This view is not ignorant and narrow minded.... Why can't all you dumb asses look beyond, and think a little deeper. It would be very easy to agree to all these modern lifestyle ideals, and be in line with the modern view....but to challenge them takes guts... and the world needs a moral institute such as the catholic church to draw the line somewhere.

You see, if we all practice celibacy until we got married and only had one sexual partner in our lifetime (husband or wife), we would wipe out AIDS, and all STD's in one generation. By saying condoms is o'k goes against this view, as it would condone sex before marriage.... As one would not need condoms within a marriage. Also, condoms do not stop the spread of HPV which is being spread in enormouse proportions, and as many as 1 in 4 people carry the virus. So the Catholic churches view in terms of sex before marriage and the non encouragement of use of condoms is righteouse. Condoms do not stop disease, celibacy does. Studies also reveal that as many as 45% of all condoms leak. Therefore, one must ask is it wise to encourage the use of something that may not be really that effective? The catholic churches views are all researched thoroughly, and rules are made to benefit morality and mankinds well being.

You'd be better barking mad at the governments who do nothing to stop the spread of AIDS in African countries, but rather spend huge amounts of money on military and weapons.

As for homosexual sex, one of the main reasons the catholic church is against such acts is because of the great poligamous lifestyle the gay community lead. That's one of the reasons gay sex is one of the leading factors of infections of AIDS in the western world. Therefore, the sanctity of marriage is undermined by the gay communities poligamous lifestyles. You should also remember that the catholic church does not close its doors on gay worshippers. They are all welcome to worship and take part in mass, and take holy communion. The catholic church is against gay sex as much as they are against heterosexual sex before marriage... no more or less.

By saying the catholic church is discriminatory against women is the biggest load of shit.... get your facts right before you make such a statement. This general view that the catholic church discriminates against women is propaganda at its best. Are you aware that Sainthood is the biggest honour the catholic church bestowes on human individuals? Are you not aware that as many female saints have been canonised as male saints. Are you not aware that a greater amount of female saints play a more major role in catholic faith than male saints. Australias only saint is a female (St. Mary Mackillop). St. Mary, St. Terese, St. Joan of Arc are just to name a few. Also, there are vocations for females which are equally important as male vocations. A female nun is not viewed as being lower in rank to a male priest. They both have different vocations, but both of equal importance in our faith. So how can you say that the catholic church discriminates against women?

Just one more thing..... Bet you'd never insult the Islamic faith or any of its leaders how you did insult the catholic faith and it's loved leader. Why? Because you would be shit scared and you would probably get killed.

Then ask yourself if it is wise to insult any faith?

No.

Because if you do it again, I will fucken find you and kick your head in. Like I said, I'm not a good example of a chrsitian, and i know that..... But I am sick to death of cunts like you insulting any faith with fucken wise ass remarks that bear no weight. You are not intelligent enough to even try challenge the leaders of any faith.

It makes me sick thinking about the poor souls who are weak, and would read your bullshit and be lead astray. I think it would be wise of you to add a paragraph of an apology in your web site for the things you said against Pope Benedict and the Catholic Faith.... And say that you are totally unqualified for such statements, and that you are really sorry for writing such shit.

If you don't do this.... you haven't heard the last of me.



--

Language Is A Virus.

Further proof that blog language infects all who are exposed to it, this morning during my Tuesday Breakfast Radiothon show, I referred, quite unintentionally, to the anti-terrorism laws passed last year as "Wrongtown". SO wrongtown.

3CR Radiothon.

It's Radiothon time again. This morning I did the Women on the Line Radiothon show, begging for cash. And I'll be doing it again tomorrow morning for the Tuesday Breakfast Show. So GIVE MONEY. I don't care if you've never listened to the show, hell, I don't care if you've never even heard of the show. YOU HAVE TO GIVE MONEY. To the 3CR Tuesday Breakfast Show. Please. Call (03) 94198377.

And keep the night of Thursday June 22nd free, because there will be a Women on the Line fundraiser. A trivia night. A womany trivia night. And you have to come. And don't fob me off with, "But where, Elanor?" I'll let you know as soon as I do. PUSHY.

UPDATE:
Ignore the above paragraph. AND HEED THIS ONE. Keep the night of WEDNESDAY JUNE 21 free, because there will be a Women on the Line fundraiser. A trivia night. A womany trivia night. And you have to come. To UPSTAIRS AT VIBE, 123 SMITH ST FITZROY, AT 7.30PM. It's $15, which is a lot, I know. But you are just money to us. VERY VERY NECESSARY MONEY.

Bloggerati.

Spent yesterday in the wonderful company of some bloggers having a BRILLIANT group discussion I recorded for this thing I'm doing at SBS at the moment. Was cracking up last night listening to ALL THE FUNNIES they made and going, "Hmmm, mmmm, yes you're so right" to all their HIGHLY INTELLIGENT observations. So thanks so much to Guy, Jess, Ruth, Mel, Agent and Jelly for bringing their brains. My dad was very impressed when he heard it, saying, "Jeez, there's more to this blogging lark than you would think. But seriously, Elanor, do your essay."

The gosh darn loveliness of LOW.

Sigh. Saw them tonight at the Corner Hotel, and found that when their voices converge, or when one of them holds a long pure clear note, or hits you with a subtle inflection, or does any one of a variety of other fine fine vocal things, it's like BOOM. Your eyes just prickle and well up. Because of The Beauty. Which is just so BIG. So I am very happy right now. Even if I was pleading silently with them all night to "play Closer", and they didn't. But people, if you are able to, seek out and secure tickets for Wednesday night's gig at the East Brunswick. Because then you will be happy too.

Message to Kate Holden:

Quit ruining my weekends. Please. Just. Stop.

Whitebait made me do it.

"It" being a Geographic Personality Test.

Test Results

Extroversion 40%
Emotional Stability 43%
Orderliness 36%
Accommodation 40%
Inquisitiveness 63%

Your sloan type is RLUEI
Your primary type is Unstructured

You are reserved, moderately moody, unstructured, egocentric, and intellectual, and may prefer a city which matches those traits.

The largest representation of your personality type can be found in the these U.S. cities: Albuquerque/Santa Fe, Salt Lake City, Charlotte, Richmond, Denver, Providence, Louisville, Washington DC, Austin, Harrisburg, San Antonio, Baltimore, Indianapolis and these international countries/regions Bulgaria, Canada, Brazil, Poland, Finland, Israel, Italy, Mexico, Hungary, Germany, France, Argentina, Portugal, Thailand, Switzerland, Spain, Russia

Curse you, Whitebait, for making me face the fact that I am as unstable as a Mormon. A MORMON, Whitebait.

Worse than that, I clicked on the 'type' links, for the larks and what not, but just check out how depressing a RLUEI is:

avoidant, withdrawn, not usually happy, does not believe in human goodness, loner, moody, avoids crowds, depressed, overwhelmed by unpleasant feelings frequently, agnostic/atheistic tendencies, unsure where life is going, impatient, avoids eye contact, does not think things work out for the best, discontent, negative, suspicious of others, uncooperative, socially uncomfortable, hard to get to know, not punctual, low self confidence, pessimistic, lonely, does not finish work on time, does not like to lead, attracted to things associated with sadness, ambivalent about the problems of others, feels defective, fears failure, often bored, ambivalent about the suffering of others, unproductive, avoids unnecessary interaction, easily frustrated, does not finish many things, lower energy level, focuses on fantasies instead of reality, ambivalent about the needs of others, easily annoyed, rarely prepared, disorganized, quiet around strangers, slow to forgive, hard to understand, not that interested in others, skeptical, wounded at the core, self absorbed

And an Unstructured:

more random than controlled, likes to look wierd, more in the clouds than grounded, more comfortable when things are imperfect, does not like the security of working for a company, does not feel best when working, likes to go to concerts, untraditional, more abstract than logical, impulsive, more likely to enjoy drinking and smoking, underachiever, prone to wanting a tattoo, bad with money, prone to petty theft, likes night life and crowds, more artistic than articulate, prefers the unfamiliar, can't do anything when they don't feel good, has love/hate relationship with most things, does not value organized religion, likes to be different, more likely to have been hyperactive as a child, prone to add or adhd, flakey, prone to missing appointments, finds ordinary tasks draining

It's also quite disturbing that neither type has any listed career prospects whatsoever, either favoured or unfavoured. YIKES. I HAVE PROBLEMS.

Marissa Nadler

Walking up High St on my way to the Northcote Social Club, I was commented upon by two generations of men. The first were late-middle-aged tradey looking types whose path I crossed while they were getting into their car. It was odd, but one of them acknowledged my presence with the statement, "The power of the pussy." Which I found mystifying. Was I supposed to respond by raising my fist? The second incident happened a few hundred metres further up the road. A group of young rev-heads waved that I should scurry across the road before they turned into it, and as their car passed behind me, out of the window came, "Girl, you fine." I'm sorry young man but you are quite clearly incorrect. Freak. And all I could think was, "What the hell is going on? I mean, I am wearing A CARDIGAN."

Anyway, I walked on and joined the collection of gentle people at the NSC. Marissa Nadler's appearance had touches of goth to it that I wasn't expecting in a New York folk artist. She said the crowd were much nicer than the people who usually yelled things at her in dive bars. She was charmingly unassuming and soft-spoken about the fact that all her songs are about rape, murder, death and heartbreak. Her singing was lovely, and Sylvia was particularly good.