Last evening's programming on Channel 9 was either tasteless or astute, I can't quite decide. You see, sandwiched in between two J.Lo movies [The Wedding Planner and Selena] was one of those British tabloid 'documentaries' on cultural trends. This one was called Bootylicious, and, as you can imagine, it was devoted to 'understanding' the recent shift to the ass as a focus of sexual attention. Or, more particularly, to the big ass, and to the steps women are taking to embrace/shape their big asses so they're like "Bam!", and so forth. Were the programmers having a laugh? Or is it possible that they actually thought that they had themed the night appropriately? Hmmm. Okay guys, we're screening two J.Lo movies but we have a spare hour to fill. Any ideas? What can we play to keep people interested in the divergent themes of the films? What is it that links them? Well, J.Lo of course. Let's see. Do we have any J.Lo documentaries kicking around? No? Damn. Or, is there maybe some making-of featurette for an upcoming J.Lo movie we could use? No? Jeez. This is tough. How do we account for the spare hour and still keep people in a J.Lo mood? Hmmm. When you think J.Lo, what do you think? Guys? Help me out here. Oh yeah. Ass. She's all about the ass. It's like, "Bam!" So, do we have any ass-based programs? No Larry, those ones will not do. What I meant was, do we have any ass-based programs that are cleared for screening? We do? Well hot diggity. Can you believe the luck?...I mean, the genius? Wow. We really know our shit. High five, yo. Up top. Or maybe it was more like this. Hey guys, we've got this ass doco that we bought a few years back and we've got no way to screen it without it screaming 'shelve clearing'. Any ideas? Guys? What do you think when you think ass? Help me out here. Oh yeah. J.Lo. She's all about the ass. It's like, "Bam!" Do you suppose we could do a J.Lo movie night and slot the ass doco in between, so that maybe it would look like we planned an ass-themed night rather than, you know, being in an expensive and ill-conceived bind? You think it's workable? Great. Get on it. High five, yo. Up top. We are programming gods. Astute or tasteless gods, I can't quite decide.

Hee hee. I said 'ass'....A lot.