Today is a day I look forward to every year. The Oprah's Favourite Things episode aired and it's a highlight of the year. I can't tell you how compelling hysteria is to watch. And this year, they brought it up a notch. There was profuse screaming and crying and hugging and god-praising dancing fits with arms raised to heaven. They were a seriously whacked out mob. Crazy. But the funniest moment came at the beginning, after Oprah lit the fire for hysterical gratitude under everyone's arses by saying "Are y'all the kind of people who have never won anything in your life? [audience screams] Well, this is your lucky day!" [audience screams] Then the Christmas set got rolled in by poor schmucks dressed as elves and people were losing their minds and Oprah's fraternising and grab-handing with the crowd, and then she pulls out a gasping and crying middle-aged woman who is like jelly in her arms, and ably directs her to the centre stage where she asks her "So, you were just telling me that you've never won anything in your life?" [audience screams] And the woman sobs, "Not a thang. Not a thang. Oh, thank you so much" [audience screams] and then she crumples into inarticulacy on Oprah's Ralph Lauren cashmere cable-knit sweater [which y'all will get to take home!] and it looks very unlikely that this woman will recover anytime soon. So, here's the funny. Oprah gees this woman up - "This is going to be a great day for you! [repeat last words of sentence, emphatically Oprah-style] For you!" - and drags her out purposefully to capture an emotional and grateful clip moment [audience screams] but then, when the moment is over for her, and the purpose of it has been fulfilled [though definitely not for the woman, who is still garbling something about how much she loves Oprah and some annoying details about the impact Oprah's had on her paltry little life, or something], it's done, and Oprah immediately switches toward the crowd and begins reading the autocue - "It's my Favourite Things episode" - because she's a consummate professional and the show must go on. But, because the woman is still hanging around, what Oprah actually says is "It's my [switch to stern warning tones] Go back to your seat! [unswitch] Favourite Things episode!" [audience screams] My god that show is prime.