Annoying things I read yesterday. (1) Ross Warneke's column in the Green Guide, which was remarkably similar in tone to an A Current Affair report. Odd. Is he always this much of a douche? I don't really read his stuff very often because it always seems to have lots of ratings figures in it, yawn, but if the column I am about to bash is anything to go by, this guy really sucks. He basically called for Channel 9 to abandon its filming of The Block because one of the contestants had been in jail. Now, bear in mind that I've been in Darwin for the last week so I'm a little rusty on all our southern social mores, but why on earth would that be a necessary step? The guy was in jail, he served his time and then served his probation time, and now he gets picked to renovate an apartment on TV, and apparently it is scandalously irresponsible of Channel 9, not to mention horribly damaging to its image, to let him get famous for renovating said apartment on TV. "What message is this sending to younger viewers?" and "shame on you Channel 9" and all that. Nuts, right? And you wanna know how Ross knows that Channel 9's reputation will be sullied if the show continues with this ex-con in the cast? He knows because he asked 3AW listeners to ring in and express their opinions about it, and they were all adamant that they would NOT UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES be tuning in to The Block's celebration of criminality, no siree bob. Yet last year, Ross was scathing about listeners like these ones who expressed rage at the presence of Wazza and Gav on the first season of The Block. He thought they were ignorant bigots to say things like "What message is this sending to younger viewers?" and "shame on you Channel 9". But apparently, this year, hysterical judgment is sound. What a dick! And how on earth does 'the fact that Channel 9 knows this guy will get famous' mean that they should recast him immediately? I mean, he's gonna get famous for being on a reality TV show, not for being a former manufacturer of amphetamines. The kind of fame that The Block brings to its contestants has absolutely nothing to do with drugs. It has only to do with being on The Block. So how does this guy's presence on the show in any way glorify the drug trade to young kiddies as a route to success and fame and a flair for design? It just doesn't make sense. I mean, does Jamie Durie's presence as host of the show in any way glorify becoming a male stripper [which I understand is not criminal, but think of the kiddies will you?] as a way to get famous? And anyway, aren't ex-cons supposed to make attempts at redressing their wrongs by committing themselves to being positive members of society? I mean, sure, it is The Block, but this former jailbird could be doing worse things with his time, like stoking the wrath of 3AW listeners. Anyway, so I thought that was totally whack.

Speaking of stoking [the segue will happen eventually, just be patient and keenly observant], the other annoying thing I read today was (2) Nikki Gemmell's responses in that The Getting of Wisdom column in The Good Weekend. Now, most people come off badly in this column anyway, because it is structured as "What I Know About..." and then there's a series of words and people have to write what they know about them, you know, because they've learned from their experiences, and stuff. Complete wank. Anyway, I was primed on the crapness of Nikki Gemmell by Amy, who read her The Bride Stripped Bare and found herself infuriated by its utter blurgh. Having only read this column, I would also have to say that this Gemmell chick sucks ass. This was "what she knew about" desire: "the embers of romance can be stoked into flame again". What is she, a Mills & Boon writer? [Apologies to Mills & Boon writers everywhere.] And marriage: "It deepens everything. And sex is a thousand times better with someone you love". This woman is a cliche factory! And porn: "The prime object of sex is union, and yet pornography seems such a solitary, lonely pursuit. It strips sex of mystery, of reverence and transcendence. Porn is sex with no light on it". Oh, just shut up. You said 'transcendence', lady. What are you playing at? Do you even know what year it is? And what the hell does "Porn is sex with no light on it" mean anyway? And writing: "I advise young writers to write as if you're dying. It's a great motivator". Whaaaaa? She is actually giving advice to young writers! She has GOTTA be stopped! However, when I read her, I do feel like I am dying, and reading is a great primer for writing, yes? Anyway, yesterday those two things sucked.

Tell you what doesn't suck, though. Catch-22 by Joseph Heller. Seriously doesn't suck. Am totally loving it.