Have just been watching Compass on the ABC, and the documentary that screened tonight was called Trembling Before G-d, about gay and lesbian orthodox Jews. It was really really interesting. Man, orthodoxy is intense. The rituals and stuff, it was so interesting. It was also sad, because, even with all this intellectual theology and study and stuff, rabbis would still very politely tell gay people that no, they weren't okay and then suggest therapy and drugs and celibacy and stuff. Anyway, so there were all these important matters of identity and all this cool religious language being dropped into the middle of English sentences, and there was this really good point made by this gay orthodox rabbi about how their covenant with god is a two-way street, like how Abraham or somebody made god change his mind one time, and some other guy did too, and so the covenant is about both sides being responsive and talking and stuff, etc. Which was all cool. But instead of talking about all that, I'm going straight for the funny bit.

You see, there was one really hilarious scene in the documentary. It was in this room in Jerusalem, where all these men were doing an atonement for the sin of homosexual sex. They were very dour. The ritual was announced, with the rabbi going something like "Now we will perform the ritual to atone for the sin of having sex with men. Let us pray for any sinners, if they be among us." Which I thought was quite ridiculously tactful since all the men there had clearly come to do that specific ritual. But I guess it might have made some feel less anxious about being there, so that later, if they met a guy in the street or synagogue and he said, "Your face looks familiar. Where have I seen you before? Oh yes! At the atonement ceremony we were at for being gay" they could still feasibly say, thanks to the rabbi's loophole, "Uh, maybe you were there for being gay, but I was just there to add my prayers and help out any sinners, if they were among us. I'm a giver, see."

Anyway, to the ritual. They started off by praying and kinda moving while they prayed, which, in the closely packed room, meant that they were rubbing against one another. The next part of the ritual that they had to do was rub ice, or what appeared to be ice, all over their skin and stuff. And then, the last part of the ritual had them all sitting down again, with each of them, with great intensity, blowing a horn! I'm sorry, but that just seemed like the kinkiest, most suggestive atonement ceremony ever! Close physical proximity, icing up your nipples and watching as all these other men did the same and then BLOWING A HORN!!! Hilarious! I found it, like, totally funny. None of them were cracking a smile though. Which made it even more funny. They were treating it all as a very serious undertaking to atone for their sex with men. Which might make you sad to think about, if you weren't instead focussing, like me, on the fact that they were doing this by being packed in tight to a room full of other men, rubbing ice on their skin and then blowing horns for a long time. All straight faced! Man, orthodox people are intense.

I'm starting to really check out Compass each week. I know it's religious programming, but it has delivered such gold documentaries as Hollywood Religions, [which I could watch endlessly. Man I wonder where I could get a copy of that?] and that Devil's Playground one about Amish rumspringer, and that one about how Jesus didn't really die on the cross, but was spirited away by his followers to 'rise' a few days later. See, no-one dies from crucifixion in three hours. Finally, a reason to use my oh-so-cheeky word invention, crucifiction. I'm probably not the first to use it, but aaaah. That felt good. Anyway, I can't wait for next week's Compass, which is gonna be about converting the kiddies through Christian rap and rock. Hey, they're coming to a stadium arena near you. Don't think that just because you're Australian you can escape this shit. I mean THEY'RE AUSTRALIAN! They're in frickin Newcastle! Anyway, I can see this is going to be a great religious documentary, fulfilling both requirements of horror and hilarity. Exactly my cup of tea. The advance clip contained this fantastic tidbit. See, there's this 'funky dude', who is the lead singer, on a big stage, and he's introducing his song to the the packed out stadium crowd [which is fucking scary]. Anyway, he goes "I wanna dedicate this next song to my best friend..... The Creator of the Universe". And then the music starts up and, whaddiya know, he launches into a little ditty called My Best Friend's The Creator of the Universe. Raaahahahaaha!!!