US?

Huh. That’s weird. We are a sex blog. And not just one of those run-of-the-mill sex blogs, either. No. We are a “cool” sex blog, with a 10/10 rating.

Now, it’s nice to see that our cool has been recognised, and we take the compliment without humility or qualification, thank you. But, are we particularly sex? I know someone searched for “brazilian fisting sex” to get here, but that happens to everyone right? I’m just not sure we deserve to be singled out for special acclaim, you know, when we're not really about the sex.

Moving on. Did anyone see Play School this morning? I only ask because it was delightfully pornographic. It was like, artful instructive porn, and it made me very happy. The hosts were making those rubbing pictures, you know, putting objects underneath a piece of paper and rubbing crayon and stuff over them to make a picture. And, as I was watching Rhys rub crayon over a fly-swatter, I was thinking to myself, “Wow. I wonder if that looks like a uterus to anyone else?” And then the girl host was painting watercolour paint over a leaf, in long, slow, sensual strokes, and I was like, “Whoah, vagina.” And all the while they were singing “Rubbing rubbing, here and there. Rubbing rubbing everywhere.” It was fantastic. Healthy enthusiastic subliminal sex education rocks. Go Play School, go wit yo baaaad self.

Hmmmm. What else? Oh yeah.

WHY WHY WHY?

What on earth would make people vote for George W Bush? He doesn't help ANYBODY! He doesn't work to make people's lives better AT ALL!

God. Apparently it all boiled down to something called "moral values". I just don't get that. Bush doesn't have them. Or at least, he doesn't have the monopoly on them, which seems to be the assumption.

Oh conservative people, why do you suck so bad? Why do you have to make the high voter turnout we thought would save America into such a scary, horrible thing? How did a dude named DeMint - who is such a fringe whack-job he wants to make abortion illegal and thinks that gay people and single mothers should be barred from teaching children - manage to become a Senator? Huh? Answer me! Fine! I'll draw my own conclusions.

I'm pretty sure it was all down to those state ballots and their freak-energising propositions. Here we all were thinking that the race was going to be decided on the qualities possessed by each presidential candidate, when in reality there was this whole other thing going on. People who didn't have a firm or impassioned position about the leadership of the country sure as fuck had an opinion to express about those damn gays. So out they came.

"The states of Ohio, Georgia, Kentucky, Mississippi, Michigan, North Dakota, Arkansas, Montana, Utah, and Oklahoma backed state constitutional amendments to define marriage as a union between a man and a woman. Oregon, where more than 3000 same-sex couples married in March, backed a similar amendment."

Oh, Oregon, how could you? Now, I love Oregon. It's the home of the Dandy Warhols and I consider it to be America's progressive state, sort of. So, thank you Oregon for giving your electoral votes to Kerry. That was cool. But, um, why the fuck did you let that fucking discriminatory marriage definition thing anywhere near your fucking ballot in the first place? And then, why did you compound your mistake by voting to fucking pass it? For shame, Oregon.

Another delightful thing that happened yesterday was that "Floridians voted for minors to get parental consent before having an abortion."

Yikes! You'll recall that our recent Aussie election was the Worst. Election. Ever. Well, the US embraced all the aspects that made up our worst election ever-ness, but took them to the WAY extreme. They raised our Family First senator [which we had thought so radically uncool] by electing Jim DeMint. They did the whole one-party dominance thing, just like us, but while we are waiting in fear to see what that might mean for the policy direction of our country, the Americans took the waiting out of their equation by passing a bunch of psychotic state laws. While we get freaked by even the merest possibility of the extreme stuff we see edging its way into our public discourse, in America it's just like, BAM! It's already over. It's not 'discourse', it's law. Fucked. Up.