Friday, January 07, 2005

Man, that Metallica movie I saw last night was damn hilarious. And irritating. Geez they're lame. And they suck. Like, I thought maybe I'd get a glimpse of why people love them so much if I saw them making their music. But, like. No. I mean, their moments of inspiration were just fucking crap. Weirdly, I found that I liked Lars the most. I've heard that's uncommon. Anyway, much of the hilarity came from the therapist. I mean, he clearly had no idea what he was doing and lived in terror of being found out. You'd watch him in the room with the band and they were talking about something and you could see him thinking "Oh god. I have to say something so it seems like I'm doing my job. But what the hell can I say? I've got nothing. I have no idea what I'm doing!" And then he would wait for a pause and say "So, what does that mean? How does that make you feel?" [I am not kidding. He actually said that!] And I would always wait for the people around him to just go silent and look at each other like, "Is he fucken serious?" But they wouldn't. Instead they somehow became reliant on his 'guidance'. One of the funniest scenes for me was when James Hetfield was talking about not wanting the recording to end and not wanting to feel sad and putting up a wall just in case he went into a depression but also thinking that maybe he was just sad about the process finishing rather than depressed, and that he shouldn’t fear feeling things [wank wank wank. He also talked about 'abandonment issues' at one point in the film. Hilarious!] and then he thanked the therapist for laying down 'the tools' for them to work with in relating to one another. And the therapist said something like, "Wow, I wanna thank you for your words." And then, as if he was an expert telling them something profound and unknown to them, he continued with an emphatic, powerful statement; "There is a difference between sadness and depression." Ah ha ha ha ha. Thanks for that. Anyway, there were so many more golden moments and you just have to go and see it. My brother and I were cacking ourselves all the way down Chapel Street and kept forgetting to keep an eye out for a taxi.

Also saw Festival Express, which was great. I love Buddy Guy. And that dude who was wasted on the train leading Janis Joplin and Jerry Garcia in a singalong. That dude was awesome. And when Jerry Garcia asked the crowd for "half an hour of coolness while we sort something out." He he he, that ruled. And everybody saying "man". And the crowds being all 70s and iconic looking. And The Band. And The Flying Burrito Brothers. And that scream that Janis did at the start of her song. Amazing.

Anyway, an important historic development occurred in my house this morning. While the rest of us were asleep, my mother performed an act of CENSORSHIP! See, under my direction, my brother had borrowed some DVDs out yesterday, Suddenly 30 and Irreversible. So he woke up this morning wanting to watch them, having been unable to the night before because I had dragged him out to see rock documentaries. And you know what? Irreversible was gone! And we were like, what the fuck? Where is it? Then we looked at each other, sharing the sneaking suspicion that had formed in our minds, which we still really really hoped was baseless and wrong. But I called my mum anyway. And I asked her where the DVD was. There was no anger in my voice, as I still had the hope that she would go, "I don't know. Have you looked around hard enough? I wouldn't want Simon to miss out on seeing such an excellent film." But no. Quite without shame or guilt about her improper and ridiculous behaviour, she said, "I took it back this morning. I didn't think Simon should see it." And I was like "Whaaaa? Mum, that's SO WEIRD! You're being WEIRD!" And she was like, "Well, there's so much bad stuff in the world anyway..." And I was like, "Bye mum." LAME! And shocking. I'm reeling here! I mean, I don't live in a house where I need to hide the fact that a movie pivots on a nine-minute rape scene. Do I? I mean, it never even occurred to me, before now, to keep stuff like that schtum, because I assumed [and have always done so] that no member of my family would ever be the kind of freak who dismisses a movie as unsuitable for any reason at all. GOD! Now, I'll just have to face the fact that I'M LIVING WITH TIPPER GORE! So my brother is sitting on the couch watching Suddenly 30, a movie in which all these thirty-year-old men attempt to have sex with a thirteen-year-old girl. And that's funny. That's why we borrowed it. And it's okay. That "Cause of death? Chicness" line in her rival's presentation is gold. Jen's redesign concept is fucken shit though. But anyway, I am having one of those "I feel like I don't even know you, man" moments. This is horrifying to me. So shocked right now.

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