I'm not dead! But I don't have internet access, and I have nothing to say, which explains my "ghost blogger" status of late. But right now, I have red wine and parental broadband, so here's one of my patented "whirlwind" rundowns...

1. I went to Destiny's Child last tues, and Beyonce is a goddess, Kelly is spunky, and Michelle is scratchy. They are all also possibly robots, and I think they were playing the macca's theme (their sponsor) throughout the finale, at a level just below audible. They also churned out horribly scripted banter about how they love each other, and chat all the time on the phone - you know, the usual stuff. I'm sure they hate each other, and resent Beyonce for her goddess status and amazing ability to dance and sing perfectly.

2. Did anyone see those McDonald's ANZAC Day ads? You know, the ones where the immaculate maccas chick is standing around staring at some old diggers having a "McCoffee". One by one they fade out (like, moving on), as she gets more teary. Finally they're all, well, dead, and then the text comes on saying "they might be gone, but their memory's not" or something. BUT aren't there still three alive? Ooops. Almost as bad as last years with the whole "No, thank... you" thing. Shame on Maccas for trying to wheazel its way into our foundation myths.

3. Katie Holmes and Tom Cruise. Surely Scientology prevents this?

4. Kylie, Made of Glass - amazing.

5. Lindsay Lohan's shocking weight loss - shocking.

6. Hmmm... what else? I've got nothing else to say, which makes my life seem very, very small indeed. Oh, oh oh, how amazing is Gwen Stefani, just generally? I want four Japanese chicks to follow me everywhere, looking tough and cool. Yay for her. The new Madonna now that she's become all annoying and lame. THAT'S IT! More when I get my new internet connection... possibly.