Year In Review

2006

I’m aware these things are meant to be completed in December 2006, and it is now January 2007. This alters nothing. Let’s year.


ME 2006

I had a birthday, so I am now as old as it is possible for me to be at this point in time, which is 25.

I punched a sexual harasser.

Guy left the blog. The blog turned 3 (note: growing up without a daddy and being neglected by a depressive mother was only supposed to be a joke, but the blog did suffer, methinks. Quite neglected this year it was. Sorry blog.)

Saw the briefest of returns of the Symposiasts Period Romance, made a Catholic defend Catholicism and damn it with insane praise, and discovered that writing things about Daniel Kitson will get you into his ever-expanding email harem. Happily, I was unaware of being one of many until months later, when Amy told me about the collective, "oh", that happened at RYWHM. Still, it was a life-affirming thrill. Even if he did shop it about.

So, note to boys everywhere. If you want to get a bevy of ladies to swoon and type at you, this is the (possibly prefab) email you should send them:

hello there.

im a bit of a dick, and search for myself online. largely but not
entirely because im a dick. i read the thing you wrote about my show
and as pathetic as this may well be, i wanted to say thankyou.

it gets tricky sometimes to keep doing stuff when the people who talk
to you after or shout in the street have so clearly missed the whole
fucking point so it was really lovely to read a complete understanding
of the show. including all the stuff ive never been quite sure im
articulating, so. really. thanks a lot.

im pleased you like my friends too. and you seem to have excellent
instincts. so thats nice.

anyway.

sorry to bother you.

im a dick.

Sigh. BEST. EMAIL. EVER.


If, however, you want to make girls think ill of you, you can do what Oscar Humphries did, and send a generic hate email (subject line: You are a cunt…)

I got an extra job for a while, which seemed like a thrilling enterprise, lots of enthusiastic talk about “being on the ground floor of the digital revolution” (playing catch-up). I got a bip card that I could swipe across a red light and turn it green. It went ‘bip’ when it turned green. And then I could open the door and wander around SBS like I was meant to be there. However, the digital radio network for which we were making pilots became an increasingly theoretical prospect, but at least I realised that this life failure wasn’t actually my fault.

Failing uni, however, was my fault. I am now a uni drop-out. I felt entirely relieved when that happened, like I could quit stalling now and start my life. So now I have to make a life, unencumbered by inconsequential things like qualifications… So my future is wide open and LIMITED.

We won a grant for our archive project from the Victorian Women’s Trust. So stay tuned for an eight-part series using archive audio from the past 20 years of our show to give a potted history of, well, women talked to and issues talked about. It’s actually bloody interesting, like finding treasure (when the treasure is not scarce, is stored in chronological order on cassette and CD, to be cross-referenced and navigated using folders full of similarly ordered running sheets detailing content, guests, etc).

Made another Seeds Of Dissent calendar. PLEASE BUY ONE. If you don’t I will have to keep putting myself about in order to promote the thing. For example, made a fool of myself talking about it to a nice chap on RTR in Perth the other week. And will make a fool of myself again on 2SER this Tuesday. It’s actually horrible, being on the other side of an interview. I DON’T LIKE IT. WHY DO PEOPLE AGREE TO DO IT?

Marked the advance of civilisation by renting DVDs on the internet and receiving them in the mail (BigPond Movies), and devoting myself to illegally downloading exciting cultural treasures. Also, you know how eBay’s been around for like, ever? Well, this year I actually used it. And I got dresses and boots and went quite giddy over it. Expensive habit.

In other life changes, after a lifetime of detesting Earl Grey Tea, I woke up one day and bloody loved it. Weird.

NOW LET’S LIST, PEOPLE.


SONGS 2006

My iPod died at the start of this year, was out of warranty, so I got a new one. Therefore my Top 25 Most Played is a pretty accurate reflection of 2006’s musical obsessions.

These are the ones at the top of the list, My Top 3 Most Played Songs, 2006:

Administer A Prosthetic Dream, My Disco
Get Me Bodied, Beyoncé
Waitin’ Around To Die, Townes Van Zandt

And I really must apologise to Guy for most ungraciously accepting the birthday gift he gave me (that being, Beyoncé’s B-Day album). I made a horrified face and may have gasped “NO” as he gave it to me. But Guy, I was wrong. I was so wrong. And your exemplary track record of superb birthday gifts is only burnished further, old chum.

Aside from the popular vote, I’d like to mention some other songs that I keenly enjoyed this year:

Roscoe and Young Bride, Midlake
Raining Pleasure, The Triffids
Beef Jerky, Cibo Matto
C and Dream Wanderer’s Tune and Dinner For Two and Blue Cash, Deerhoof
Airships, Metallic Falcons
God’s Gonna Cut You Down, Johnny Cash
Vicious Circle, Solomon Burke
Tricycle, Psapp
Total Eclipse Of The Heart, Bonnie Tyler
Watching You Without Me, Kate Bush
Nothing Came Out, The Moldy Peaches
Tire Swing, Kimya Dawson
Party Line, Adam Green
A Song For You, [Whiskeytown version]
So Many Ways, Mates Of State
Highway Delights and Steel, NinetyNine
Goodbye, Minimum Chips
Waiting To Know You, The Fiery Furnaces
Vernoona and Bolte And Dunstan Talk Youth, Augie March
No Bad News, Bonnie “Prince” Billy
Coming In From All Angles, Ground Components [feat. Macromantics]
Hands In The Air, Ground Components
I Love A Man In Uniform, Gang Of Four
I Want To Be The President, Electrelane
Rake and Nothin’, Townes Van Zandt
Treasure, Kes
These Words and When I’m Not, Broken Hills
Ghosts Are Good Company, Bishop Allen
Major Label Debut, Broken Social Scene
American Flag and Love & Communication, Cat Power
Iceblink Luck, Cocteau Twins
Not Moving, D.N.A
Dream Scream, Daniel Johnston
Love Fight, Dannii Minogue
My Imaginary Guy, Deanie Parker & The Valadors
The Clapping Song and The Real Nitty Gritty, Shirley Ellis
Condemnation and Never Let Me Down Again and Enjoy The Silence, Depeche Mode
Through Being Cool and Jerkin’ Back ’n’ Forth and Satisfaction (I Can’t Get No), Devo
The Garden, Einsturzende Neubauten
Various Stages, Great Lake Swimmers
Woman King, Iron & Wine
Black Mountain, Isobel Campbell & Mark Lanegan
The Charging Sky, Jenny Lewis & The Watson Twins
Pretty Shoes and I Saw Her In The Anti War Demonstration, Jens Lekman
Monkey & Bear and Cosmia, Joanna Newsom
Who By Fire and Take This Longing, Leonard Cohen
Dark Side Of Dallas, Macromantics [feat. Ground Components]
A Prayer, Madeleine Peyroux
Hung Up, Madonna
I Wish I Had An Evil Twin and I Don’t Wanna Get Over You, The Magnetic Fields
Double Dutch, Malcolm McLaren
Yellow Lights, Marissa Nadler
Don’t Give Up, Kate Bush & Peter Gabriel
I’m Your Puppet, The Stylistics
They Are Night Zombies!! They Are Neighbors!! They Have Come Back From The Dead!! Ahhhh! and The Perpetual Self, Or “What Would Saul Alinsky Do?” and Chicago (Multiple Personality Disorder Version), Sufjan Stevens
Here I Go, Syd Barrett
All The Young Children On Crack, Television Personalities
Muppet Face, Xiu Xiu
Turn Into, Yeah Yeah Yeahs
Do It First, The Crayon Fields
Lyla, CocoRosie
Mount Wroclai (Idle Days), Beirut
Interesting Results, Ariel Pink
A Nervous Tic Motion Of The Head To The Left, Andrew Bird
Song To The Siren, Tim Buckley
From The Air, Laurie Anderson
Don’t Lose Touch, Against Me!
Closer, Low
One Hit, The Knife
The Other Side Of Mt. Heart Attack, Liars
(You Better Love Me) Before I Am Gone, The Brian Jonestown Massacre
Bright Things Come To Confusion, Because Of Ghosts
Méchant Pétard, Plastic Bertand


MY ALBUMS 2006

Joanna Newsom, Ys
Midlake, The Trials Of Van Occupanther
Metallic Falcons, Desert Doughnuts
NinteyNine, Worlds Of Space, Worlds Of Population, Worlds Of Robots
My Disco, Cancer
The Crayon Fields, Animal Bells
Bishop Allen, Charm School (and the 2006 monthly EPs)
Laurie Anderson, Big Science
Cat Power, The Greatest
CocoRosie, Noah’s Ark and La Maison de Mon Reve
The Fiery Furnaces, Bitter Tea
The Knife, Silent Shout
Yeah Yeah Yeahs, Show Your Bones
Various, The Late Great Daniel Johnston: Discovered Covered
The Moldy Peaches, The Moldy Peaches
Kimya Dawson, Remember That I Love You
Low, Things We Lost In The Fire
Johnny Cash, American V
Ground Components, An Eye For A Brow, A Tooth For A Pick
Macromantics, Moments In Movement
Because Of Ghosts, The Tomorrow We Were Promised Yesterday
Bonnie “Prince” Billy, The Letting Go
Sufjan Stevens, The Avalanche
Cibo Matto, Viva! La Woman
Isobel Campbell & Mark Lanegan, Ballad Of The Broken Seas
Kes, The Jelly’s In The Pot
Beirut, Gulag Orkestar
Liars, Drum’s Not Dead
Midnight Juggernauts, Secrets Of The Universe
Muse, Black Holes & Revelations
Damn Arms, Patterns
Augie March, Moo, You Bloody Choir
Beyoncé, B-Day
Neko Case, Fox Confessor Brings The Flood
The Magnetic Fields, 69 Love Songs and i
Minimum Chips, kitchen tea thankyou
Deerhoof, The Runners Four and Apple O’ and Milk Man
The Strokes, First Impressions Of Earth


MY ALBUM DISCORD 2006

Joan As Policewoman, Real Life
Felt to me like middling Adult Contemporary.

Various, Leonard Cohen: I’m Your Man
Now, I love me a tribute album. Couldn’t do without Whiskeytown’s version of A Song For You, or Sheryl Crow and Emmylou Harris singing Juanita on the Gram Parson’s tribute album, or Clem Snide’s Don’t Let The Sun Go Down On Your Grievience and Bright Eyes’ Devil Town on the Daniel Johnston album, or for that matter New Buffalo’s Four Seasons In One Day on She Will Have Her Way. Tribute albums can be great things. But as far as Leonard Cohen is concerned, I’ve encountered a wider problem that I hoped this album would fix, (and that, with the exception of Beth Orton singing Sisters Of Mercy, this album hasn’t fixed) in that I’ve never yet heard a cover of one of his songs that I prefer over the original, or enjoy in isolation from - or with reference to - the original. Ever. Truly, the original Hallelujah is a great thing, with a lovely drrring and a choir. Perhaps it’s not so suited to thoughtful/wistful montages, but it’s still better. I’m not saying don’t cover Leonard Cohen songs. By all means, persist. It’s just that I remain unsatisfied.


GIGS 2006

I didn’t go to nearly enough, but here they are, I believe chronologically:

CocoRosie supporting Antony & The Johnsons @ Hamer Hall
CocoRosie (and Kes) @ Northcote Social Club
Big Day Out
The White Stripes @ Festy Hall
M.I.A @ Prince
Franz Ferdinand and Cut Copy @ The Palace
Deerhoof and My Disco @ Northcote Social Club
Tegan and Sara @ Corner Hotel
Les Savy Fav, The Hold Steady, and Thunderbirds Are Now @ Corner Hotel
Broken Social Scene @ Corner Hotel
The Drones and My Disco @ Spanish Club
Jens Lekman @ Northcote Social Club
Damn Arms @ Northcote Social Club
Martha Wainwright @ Forum
Liars, Young Professionals, Damn Arms and Snowman @ Corner Hotel
Marissa Nadler @ Northcote Social Club
Low @ Corner Hotel
The Fiery Furnaces @ East Brunswick Club
The Strokes @ Festy Hall
Chicks On Speed @ Prince
Midlake @ The Corner
The New Pornographers @ Prince
My Disco and Kes Band @ Northcote Social Club
Crayon Fields @ Northcote Social Club
Modest Mouse @ The Palace

The Best Gigs were:
CocoRosie @ Hamer Hall
Deerhoof and My Disco @ Northcote Social Club
Midlake @ The Corner
Broken Social Scene @ Corner Hotel
My Disco and Kes Band @ Northcote Social Club (seriously, keep an eye out for Kes’ new stuff. It’s fucking wonderful. Album launch on Feb 9, fyi.)
Liars, Young Professionals, Damn Arms and Snowman @ Corner Hotel
Low @ Corner Hotel
The Fiery Furnaces @ East Brunswick Club
The Strokes @ Festy Hall
The White Stripes @ Festy Hall


TV 2006

Some rehashed thoughts on the TV Landscape

I’ve discovered that I’m quite disconnected from the outrage I should be feeling when shows get dicked about. Stupid broadband - as necessary as running water though it may be – has removed me from the depressive rages of The People, who simply ask that good shows be put on TV and carried through to their conclusions. And I’m sorry Green Guide letter writers, but advising everyone to ‘get the DVD’ is not the solution. Making the TV networks program in a sane fashion is the solution. Stop dismissing The People’s concerns, you stinkingly smug TV-from-the-internet-instant-gratification brigade. You make me ashamed to be one of you.

I very much enjoyed the Glen Milne incident at the Walkleys. It was marvellous. But the surprise and glee were for me too shortlived, almost immediately being stomped on and sullied by, a) the stupid human feeling I involuntarily extended to Milne after seeing the dawning humiliation on his face as he was dragged off stage, and b) Stephen Mayne’s immediate killing of the fun through his determination to run fun into the ground by sheer force of his personality, a feat that went on for days and days afterwards. Thankfully, someone on Crikey has managed to say something that doesn’t irritate and enables the greatness of the incident to live on untarnished. So here’s to you, Mungo MacCallum, for writing:

“You’ve got it slightly wrong. Glenn Milne’s drunkenness only gives drunkenness a bad name. It’s his journalism that gives journalism a bad name.”

Anyway.


GREAT TV 2006

Deadwood (seasons 1-2-3) [IT CAN’T BE OVER. Also, I hate Hearst. Hearst is a fucking cocksucker. If you know what he’s done, you’ll understand. IRREDEEMABLE.]
Entourage (seasons 1-2-3) [SO ADDICTIVE]
Weeds
Gilmore Girls (seasons 5-6-7)
L Word (seasons 2-3) [Season 4 starting in America soon, YAY]
The Office US (seasons 1-2-3) [This IS VERY GOOD. DO NOT DISMISS IT.]
Extras (seasons 1-2) [GENIUS. Will expand on this after the list.]
Mighty Boosh (season 2)
Prison Break (seasons 1-2) [Season 1 ended badly. I mean, the prison blueprints are tattooed all over your freakin body and still you're left holding a blade to the warden's neck and running off on foot with the fuzz hot on your tail?? DUDE. Anyway, Season 2 begins slowly, but really gets going after a while, so persist.]
Six Feet Under
The West Wing
The Sopranos
Oz
Shameless
The Civil War
Firefly
My Name Is Earl
Strangers With Candy
Veronica Mars
Laguna Beach [initially watched it out of perplexion, thinking: But… why? I feel like I’m stuck listening to the dominant people in a group of friends repeat and repeat and repeat themselves. Why doesn’t someone scream “HE’S JUST NOT THAT INTO YOU. ALSO, HE’S A DICK!” Also, what do you, ah, think about stuff? OTHER stuff... Nonetheless, I didn't stop watching]
Daily Show [I love you]
Letterman [now on Channel Ten. At reasonable times. In actual proximity to the original air date. CRAZY. Do we dare to dream that this means the end of Hotdogs? If the Uplate Game Show has been consigned to the scrap heap, and Quizmania is all that remains, I think this shows a certain level of order, as in, The Universe working according to the rule of ‘First The Worst, Second The Best, Third The One With The Hairy Chest’. You see, Uplate appeared first, and so is The Worst, Quizmania appeared second and is The Best, and Midnight Zoo appeared third, was scrapped first, and showed a lot of chest.]
The OC [CANCELED. This season is our last. But Taylor Towsend is SO AWESOME.]
Heroes [will be HUGE. I'll say it again, HUGE. And Hiro Nakamura is something to love]
Ugly Betty [will also be HUGE. I've seen two episodes, and it's going swimmingly so far. Also, Maggie from Extras and Dawn from The Office are in it.]
YouTube [but only for the TV clips, really. Not the real people.]


NOW, LET’S TALK ABOUT THE SECOND SEASON OF EXTRAS.
It is a superb thing, managing to expertly mix extreme hilarity with true despair and humiliation. The clip below is from Episode 5, featuring Ian McKellan and Germaine Greer… an episode which, in my opinion, is the BEST EXTRAS EPISODE EVER. So adamant am I about this point that I carry the episode with me always, on the iPod, for those special occasions when I feel the need to invite humiliation on myself by snorting in public. To be repetitive, Ricky Gervais and Stephen Merchant are genius men. Fo serious. Within Extras they have also written an alternate comedy series, a play, films, theme songs, and brilliant fake versions of real celebrities, and all these pieces work as entities themselves as well as entities within a larger joke and, and, and… well, to be trite, let’s just sigh and say OH, THE LEVELS. Anyway, within this Best Episode Ever is the following scene. I want you to watch it attentively and in full, because it contains A Glorious Achievement In The History Of Comedy – namely, a highly original reworking of the ‘spit out water in surprise’ gag. This achievement is made all the more glorious, in my opinion, by the fact that the usual ‘spit out water in surprise’ gag appears (and, to be frank, still works on me) in an earlier Extras episode, in the show-within-the-show that is Andy Millman’s soul-destroyer, “When The Whistle Blows” – a program defined by cheap humour, catchphrases, funny wigs and glasses, along with the occasional morsel of a good joke well-executed slipped in to make us sit up and imagine what survived from Andy’s original vision, or to worry that we could enjoy what is being presented as the worst kind of TV comedy. They play with us, you see. Therefore no, I don’t think I’m over-reading a jot when I commend these guys for first flagging what bad TV comedy does with spitting and water, before showing what they can do with spitting and water, which is, quite simply,

THE FUNNIEST THING, 2006:

FILM 2006

It bothered me that I mostly had unsatisfying conversations throughout the year about Brokeback Mountain. Conversations in which people would always qualify their response to it in what I felt were diminishing ways, eg. “Oh, it’s a universal love story, not a gay love story. You could substitute class or race or anything experiencing a difficulty of coming together and it would be just as apt.” On these occasions it’s my default to go to the Harvey Fierstein place, which from my recollection of the Celluloid Closet goes something like this, “Fuck you, it bloody is gay. To see it as universal requires an act of translation on your part, similar to that performed for so long by gay people when translating straight film to their own experience. Make no mistake, this film is fucking gay.” At Christmas, Brokeback came up again because we had the DVD lying around, and an uncle saw it and remarked, “Oh yes, I saw that. I only saw it because it was an in-flight movie. Otherwise I wouldn’t have watched it, obviously.” To which I was thinking, “Why the hell not? Didn’t you mark Brokeback Mountain Day? Didn’t everybody? And what is this ‘obviously’ business?”, but what I actually said was, “Really? I loved it. Takes a while to warm up and seems jarring at first but it bloody breaks your heart. Makes me cry. Fucking tragedy.” To which he responded, “Tragedy? Well, for the wives maybe.” To which my eyes widened, and I was thinking, “No no NO… I mean, yes, sure. But there are questions of degree here. For the wives, it’s a niggling feeling that something is missing, a kind of removed tragedy. But the intense, right up on your throat tragedy is the one experienced by the men, because they know exactly what they’re missing out on. There is no fucking distance from that.” But my dad stepped in to defuse any possibility that I might get ‘difficult’ with, “Well, I suppose the scenery is probably nice. Maybe I’ll watch it for the scenery.” Which made me want to crumple into a heap. Anyway, already reviewdy.

Just one more thing before we get to lists. Maurice was a film I watched and I wrote that it was based on an E.M. Forster novel I had never heard of. Thing is, Guy has. Heard of it, that is. In fact, he’s just finished his Masters thesis, in which he wrote a fucking excellent chapter on that very same Forster book. So now, a question: is it bad that I was basing all my feedback for Guy’s chapter on my memories of the film? TOO LATE NOW. But would YOU trust as a sounding board the person (me) who wrote this?:

“The film has a young Hugh Grant playing Clive, the boyfriend of Maurice. And they’re both at Cambridge (or Oxford), and it’s 1910 or thereabouts, and they discover their love and erotically stroke each other’s hair and hug electrically, but then have to hide and mute their love, which is sad. But then Hugh Grant caves like a bad chap, and marries a woman, and then becomes a silly person, extolling the wonders of women and how clever and nice they are, in a very forced and desperate way, to Maurice. ‘You really should get one of your own’, etc etc. But Maurice will have none of that, because Rupert Graves is lovely.”

Anyway.

These lists are of films I watched this year, irrespective of release dates.


FILM 2006: The Great

The New World
The Wind That Shakes The Barley
Brokeback Mountain
Road To Guantanamo
Tristram Shandy: A Cock & Bull Story
Pride & Prejudice
October 17, 1961
The Battle Of Algiers
The Betrayal
Darkon
Capote
This Film Is Not Yet Rated
Mutual Appreciation
Funny Ha Ha
Dave Chappelle’s Block Party
Shortbus
Little Miss Sunshine
Wordplay [sidenote: have you seen Bill Clinton’s hands? HOTT.]
Transamerica
Walk The Line
United 93
Superman Returns
Harvey
The Libertine
Infernal Affairs
Live Forever: The Rise & Fall Of Brit Pop
Last Days
Gerry
The Queen
Vera Drake
Withnail & I
Brazil
Harold & Maude
Welcome To The Dollhouse
Singin In The Rain


FILM 2006: The Good

Inside Man
Miami Vice
Hidden
Good Night And Good Luck
Harry Potter & The Goblet Of Fire
Al Franken: God Spoke
The Squid And The Whale
Drawing Restraint 9
Maurice
Another Country
Slither
Munich
King Kong
Syriana
Rampage (except George Gittoes BUGS ME A LOT)
Thank You For Smoking
Bubble
Shopgirl
A History Of Violence
The Brown Bunny
An Inconvenient Truth
Autofocus
The Mayor Of Sunset Strip
Townes Van Zandt: Be Here To Love Me
Strangers With Candy
The Devil Wears Prada
Little Jerusalem
The Perfect Catch
The Three Burials Of Melquiades Estrada
Happy Endings
But I’m A Cheerleader
Pretty Persuasion
Dirty Pretty Things
Being Julia
Inside Deep Throat
Tarnation
Five Easy Pieces
Bloody Sunday
Palindromes
Jarhead
Oldboy
In The Bedroom
Hairspray
Wedding Crashers
Glitter
Birth
The Station Agent
Everything Is Illuminated
The Machinist
The Edukators
Serenity
Crumb


FILM 2006: The Not So Great

A Prairie Home Companion
Sheitan
V For Vendetta
Match Point
The Human Stain
Last Tango In Paris
Dirty Dancing 2: Havana Nights
Beyond Beats And Rhymes: A Hip-Hop Head Weighs In On Manhood In Hip-Hop Culture
Nacho Libre
The Anniversary Party
Baadasssss!
Breakfast At Tiffany’s


FILM 2006: The Awful

Unrequited Love [quite possibly the crappest movie ever and the lowlight of MIFF 2006]
A Lot Like Love [Ashton Kutcher and Amanda Peet I thought would be a grand combination. I was wrong.]
The Lake House
2:37 [seriously, this was SO CRAP. AND IT WAS NOT A SERIOUS FILM. It felt so fake and emotionally cheap, except for that character who couldn’t control his bladder. Only the very unsophisticated could consider the ending to be clever. POOR.]
Alexander
Flightplan
Snakes On A Plane [Sure, it's a good title. I didn’t see it when it came out, as I began to feel something fabricated and exploitative about this being a movie “we” had made, what larks, eh. It seemed like the studio was screaming WE ARE SO IN ON THE JOKE WE’RE ALMOST COOL PEOPLE, THIS IS SILLY FUN, which made it all not so fun. But I rented it recently, and it’s, you know, nothin.]


THEATRE 2006

I Am My Own Wife.
It was, quite simply, the best play I have ever seen.

“I Am My Own Wife tells of author Doug Wright's fascination with the life of Charlotte von Mahlsdorf, a German transvestite caught up in the great European dramas of the 20th century. Unlike many contemporaries, von Mahlsdorf survived the Nazi regime and its replacement in East Germany, the Soviet-dominated Communist dictatorship.”

Other great theatre-ish things were Ridiculusmus in Importance of Being Earnest, Demetri Martin in Dr Ernest Parrot Presents, Daniel Kitson in Weltanschauung, and David O’Doherty in Grown Up.

It has struck me that I may be undernourished, theatre-wise. I am embarking this year on a Melbourne Theatre Company subscription, so let’s see if I take to it, and whether I, you know, like plays and such. It begins with Don’s Party on Monday night.


THE AMERICAS 2006

Something political happened in America. John Kerry and some insane people provided a lesson in the importance of the word “us”. Especially in punchlines. Say it with me, “Get us stuck in Iraq. Get us stuck in Iraq.” His point was actually a good one. What is wrong with people? Why are they so crazy?

However, voters weren’t so crazy. And I think Stephen Colbert said it best, so let’s usher in the Brave New World and keep the dream alive before it becomes not as great and progressive and unwrong as we want it to be. But then, maybe it will be good?

But this is all stuff you know already. Now let me tell you of an American phenomenon with which you may not be so acquainted. My former 3CR co-host Bec moved to North Carolina this year, and has since had some delightful news to share, which I will now pass on to you. It has to do with thug fashion. See, for a while Bec was door-bitching, and she noticed that too many of the tough guys decked out in bling and driving pimped-out cars shared an element that was, shall we say, less than scary. And that element was this: Coogi t-shirts. That’s right, COOGI. So I have devised a plan to take over the gang scene in Charlotte, NC. It’s a pretty audacious power-play, but I think it will demonstrate a superior sartorial nerve that can only awe them into submission, these PUSSIES who only go as far as t-shirts. We have the resources, people. We can surely whup them, and leave them cowering in the wake of the force that is THIS MUCH BLING:


That town is ours for the taking, is all I’m saying.


So there. That’s 2006. It’s over with.

But 2007 is no bad thing. Indeed, it’s already shaping up to be pretty exciting. You see, tomorrow night, for the first time… GUY AND I WILL BE MEETING FOP.

…

SCREAM!