Heh heh. This is one kick ass piece from the Village Voice. Basically it's saying that dicky people are dicks. Yeah! And it's nice to see someone talking about the miscarriage that was Bush v. Gore. Respect. And, except for the Nader-voter slam at the end [which I don't think is fair. Please direct all vitriol to the criminal shenanigans of the State of Florida, and to the Supreme Court who gave them legitimacy], it's a fucking great and alive article. These lines made me giggle;

"...the stench of malaise and hopelessness that a few years of [George W Bush] have poured over all but the very, very rich and very, very psychopathic..."

"...it's impossible to actually read this book without missing Clinton, for unlike his predecessor and his successor... he isn't mean-spirited, homophobic, racist, or idiotic, never confuses himself with Jesus Christ..."

"Clinton is even gracious to Barbara Bush, a vicious old bag in pearl sets..."

"Rapture-hungry mental dwarves..."

"I happen to think it does make a difference what kind of arse sits in the Oval Office and whether he governs with a sense of his own transience and imperfection or uses fear and intimidation to whip the population into line with whatever brand of pious bullshit makes him feel like Superman."

Aaaaaaaahhh.

GET LOST Ruddock! Jeez! Stop being a cunt. Irreversible is a good film anyway, if people wanted to try and see it somewhere before it gets banned. I thought it was quality, even though it makes me really freaked now to walk through the Clifton Hill underpass. Anyway, this news is still good. Yay for justice.

Dudes! The Day After Tomorrow is totally cool!

Cool. Some good news. Oh, and Britters is engaged, but let's lay off, alright? Blah blah, there will be theories, there will be bitching, I will be bored. I've actually begun taking Britney's side when arguing with the TV or newspaper, so automatic has the dissing become. Anyway, I'm out.

Whoah! This sequence of events is hella weird. First comes this then comes this. What a strange day for Muse.

Mmmmm. Boosh. Yum yum yum yum yum yum.

Scored freebie passes to see advanced screenings of a Russian film, The Return, so I went with Leah to see it this afternoon. I hadn't even heard of it when I was offered the tickets, but the free-ness ruled out any unknown quantity-ness [doesn't it always]. All I knew from the frond-splattered flyer was that it had garnered awards, which boded well. Still, I had no idea what to expect. Anyway, man, that is one EXCELLENT film. Dudes, it's like, just so fucking good. I had inklings of unrelenting grimness, it being Russian and all [what the hell does that mean Elanor? You're talking crap]. And I guess it sorta is grim, a bit, which I like anyway. But it's also way more than that, is what I'm trying to say. See, it's just so fucking beautiful. Performances, photography, characters, interactions, clothes, everything. Fucking perfection. And its pacing is like, deliberate and observant and experiential [?] and everything is like, natural and keenly attuned to mood. So damn good. Go and see it.

On the train home, I yoinked a Sunday Herald Sun magazine from a train seat to read. We don't get that paper at our house so it was all new to me. And dudes, they've given Oscar Humphries a column. Ew! Man I hate that guy so much. Just so you know; still a tosser. Also, there was this bit called "Have you noticed" which I guess is about trends or something. And this week's instalment went, "Have you noticed... band names starting with The". Hmmm. Edgy. Anyway, the writer ended by saying "for young wannabes who want to follow suit but are looking for a name, here's a suggestion: The Bandwagon." Pfff. YAWN! Sure, this cheap and reductive way of talking about bands would still have pissed me off three years ago, but, um, it would have been three years ago!

I think this article about Michael Moore is really good. Has the ring of truth and intelligence and clarity, etc. I feel like it will act as an antidote to all the irritating things I'm gonna be reading about the film, so I'm keeping it here to refer back to in times of hyperbole-frustration. Dunno who Philip Shenon is, but he seems like a good cookie.

So of course I totally love The Hives' new song, Walk Idiot Walk. So fantastic! I just crank up the tele whenever it comes on. And you gotta love those spats! To do: buy new Hives album. Also, on Rage this morning I heard this cool song. It's called Hey There Bomb and it's by a band called 67 Special. Who are these guys? Where did they come from? Definite potential to enter my life. To do: keep an eye on that band.

Am also gonna check out the School Of Rock soundtrack. It's a cert if they have that Road Runner song on it, and also the kid songs, like Step Off and that one that has the little girls going "No you're not hardcore/ Unless you live hardcore". I've had that in my head for a day now.

Christ. The Spin Starts Here is totally shitting me up the wall lately. So irritating and witless. I read it and I just feel like saying "Whatever, creeps." Seriously, it's like having Today Tonight on the internet recently. Was it always like this? The comments posse pissed me off too, being lame and cuntish, like "Bogans don't like going overseas, they have no interest in the world outside of Wheel of Fortune and Westfield", or "it's typically the true fuckwit, acidwash-denim-wearing, Winnie-smoking derros who fake their forms that get the money". Oh PLEASE! I am rolling my eyes. That is so LAME!

I watched The School of Rock this morning. It was way cool, man. Heaps better than I had thought. Joan Cusack rules. The soundtrack kicks ass. Kids and rock and roll so mix. And during that montage bit where the kids are all doing their rock learning, all the footage of Angus Young and Keith Moon etc doing their thing was making my lungs expand. Joy.

I'M FREE!!! I'M FREE!!! I'M FREE!!! I'M FREE!!! I'M FREE!!!

I mentioned Britney's Email My Heart a few days ago, after which I started to reminisce about how CRAP it was. So here are the lyrics:

It's been hours seems like days, since you went away,
And all I do is check the screen to see if you're ok.
You don't answer when I phone, guess you wanna be left alone.
So I'm sending my heart, my soul, and this is what I'll say:

[CHORUS]
I'm sorry, oh so sorry, can't you give me one more chance to make it all up to you.
E-mail my heart and say our love will never die
and that I know you're out there and I know that you still care.
Email me back and say our love will stay alive.
Forever, Email my heart.

Whoa
I can see you in my mind, coming on the line
And opening this letter that I've sent a hundred times.
Here's a picture of us two, I look so good on you
and can't you please forgive me for the hurt I put you through.

[Repeat CHORUS]

I'm sorry, oh so sorry, can't you give me one more chance to make it all up to (you).

E-mail my heart and say our love will never die
and that I know you're out there and I know that you still care
(I know that you still care...)
Email me back and say our love will stay alive
Forever (Won't ya say, Won't ya say)
Forever, Forever
Email my heart

Madonna, wanting to, like, "attach" herself to the "energy of a different name" is now asking to be called Esther. Errrrrrrr. I HATE it when Madonna gets spiritual. She spends all this time trying to dismantle the shackles of Catholicism (which made for very effective art, I might add), only to get swept up in LA-style Kabbalah. Although I respect religious freedoms and what not, any religion that counts Demi Moore and Britney Spears as devotees has lost me. I think what I particularly react to about celebrity spirituality is the tendancy to confuse massively inflated self-worship with religious devotion. I can't really back this up, but it's just a feeling I get. A vibe, if you will. Like, watching Madonna talking about how everything happens for a reason, and how its about creating positive energy, and taking responsibility for the bad stuff that happens to you, it always seems to come back to the desire to be in TOTAL control of your life and your future. It's kinda like you remain centre of the universe, after being told for your entire adult life that that's what you are. But now you can be centre of the universe within a spiritual framework.

Btw, I have absolutely no religious knowledge, and have nothing to back this up. So, no offence to anyone out there. Except Madonna, Britney Speers and Demi Moore. And also Scientologists. They should implicitly take offence too. 

Hmmm. Provides a certain satisfaction, don't it? Sock! And some laughs. Unlike this load. Or this injustice. Or this philistinism. And, really, it's not fair that he has to do this. Grrrr.

For my birthday I got given Britney's In The Zone (thanks Laurie!). I think I always get given Britney albums on my birthday, which isn't a bad thing (I'll say it again: Born to Make You Happy: bad message, great song). It just means that I now have ALL of her albums, while still maintaining that she's a total twit. Touch of My Hand, the "masturbation song" is hilarious, and lends more evidence to the Britney-as-Janet theory which I personally subscribe to. Also, props to Britney for adhering so rigidly to the third-single-as-ballad rule, with the release of Everytime (you know: wings, falling, sadness, flying blah blah blah). A tragic ballad, but not quite as tragic as Email My Heart(!).

Also, have discovered an overlooked bargain-bin gem in Finest Dream by Richard X and Kelis - fantastic. There's something so detached about Kelis that for some reason really does it for me. It's like she's never really putting in 100%, and that's a good thing. Like a more effective Sophie Ellis-Bextor.

I figured I'd inured myself to this, but apparently not. See, I was watching Uprising, and during it I had one of those hyperventilate-and-bawl-and-retch sessions. You know, those times when you're perfectly fine watching a Holocaust movie, getting a new angle on it, and going, 'hmmm this is a good interesting story'. And then without warning something hits you and the next instant your mind's filled up with the huge enormous big time realness, and so you proceed to have uncontrollable cardio-pulmonary reactions to the intense horror? You know. Your body is affected by it. Anyway, luckily the rest of my family was out, or they might have freaked at my choking and gasping and my shock-widened fluid-streaming eye freakiness. I seriously couldn't get a grip. So weird. I mean, how could I have explained it to them, this fresh horror fit? Like, "Holy fuck! All this actually happened. It was blatant and organised and implacable and allowed. People did it. To people!" Er, yeah, Elanor. We know.

Anyway, I've got a recommendation for you people. I got very excited when I saw an ad on SBS earlier. This won't mean much to a lot of you but THE BOOSH were on my TV! OHMYGOD! This is HUGE! I like, squealed and jumped in my seat and pointed excitedly at the TV for some reason. My family were around for this one. They were like, "What is it?" And I just kept wordlessly pointing, jabbing my finger towards the TV like a kid, and grinning. Yes, perhaps TV affects me a little too strongly. Anyway, HUGE! Noel and Julian, on my TV! Holy crap I LOVE those hottie Englishers! They are comedy GODS! And now they have a TV show. So check it out. It's called Da Boosh and it's gonna be on SBS at 8.30 tonight. Man, I just hope that their brilliant oddness will travel well to TV. That would be a joy of joys, to see them in their glory every week, rather than once a year if they deign to come. Seriously, they are SO GREAT! I can't really imagine what format the show might take, though. Please don't let it suck. Hmmm. This could all end in tears.

Raahaaahaahaaha! Just flicked over to see what was on the ABC and found myself beholding a churchful of daggy Songs of Praise folk dressed up like clowns [not a figure of speech, by the way. I'm talking actual clown outfits. You know, with the make-up and the hats and the funny pants]. And they were singing hymns with choruses like "Praise him with the loud cymbals", and then performing slapstick versions of the gospels. Yes, they've combined the two terribly British passions of panto and the church. Anyway, that wasn't what cracked me up. It took a few seconds for it to hit, but then I was just in hysterics. See, I was looking at this church full of retirees dressed as clowns, and they were so pleased with how fun they were being, and I was going, hmmm, I guess that's progressive and joyful and non-threatening blah blah blah.....Wait a minute! Raahahahaahaahaaa! Clowns! In a church! Raaahahahaaaahahaaa! That is one hilarious image. You know, cause they're all about making church fun and unscary for the kiddies, by dressing up in the garments of the one profession whose paedophilic reputation is second only to that enjoyed by priests! Raahahahaahaah!

Happy Birthday Guy! You're 23! But, I guess you knew that already, old man. Anyway, to help you get your head around the ramifications of this event, and to keep your chin up during the initial denial and confusion stage of the transition [cheer up! I'm sure you'll be comfortable with your 23-ness in about 8 months], I think it's pertinent to recall the bon mots of an admired wit. Quoth she:

"I know! 23! That's like, almost 25, which is almost mid-20s!"

Finally watched Donnie Darko, and it lived up to the hype. Loved Drew Barrymore as the sexy English teacher, although I find it amusing the various ways actors try to "do" teaching. For example, for the role, Drew dies her hair mousy brown, makes sure her skin is pale and finds boxy, "academic" glasses. While teaching, she walks around the classroom meaningfully like she feels the prose, staring off into the distance while clasping the book she's talking about. It's, like, literature. Literature. And in the PTA meeting, when she yells out "it's meant to be ironic". Ha ha ha ha.

Just came back from seeing Cat Power's gig and yes, it kinda fell apart. But people really didn't need to leave. It was still interesting and enjoyable. Personally, I liked her rambling chat. There was nothing off-putting about it. I didn't feel like she was abusing our patronage or anything. Seriously, she's a cool chick. And oh my god, her voice. It's just so... oh man! Just supreme. She's like, the best singer ever. And she was in the room! Why on earth would people walk out on something that rare and magnificent? Weirdos.

Is it just me, or is Bert seeming tired and strange lately? Wait - I doubt anyone but me will be into the 9-11 timeslot. Truth be told, I've sort of been shopping around between GMA and KAK (aka Kerri-Anne). And as painful as it is to say it, I think that (as Gold Coast as she is) KAK is making better television. Bert seems bored and tired, like he's on autopilot (which he has every right to be). He also seems to have lost all facial expression (botox?). Moira is, of course, still great value. I love the way she tilts her head when she talks. OK, enough about morning TV. I just rise early, OK! 

I don't mean to start a backlash or anything, but all Belle de Jour seems to be talking about these days is the book deal, aside from the frequent points at which she complains about the price of fame e.g. people trying to unmask her identity or whatever. If all she talks about is the book, is anyone gonna wanna read the book? Will she actually have anything to say?

Hey, was just thinking. Now that J-Lo is married to Marc Anthony, will she be able to keep copies of her last album in the house? You know, cause apparently - no, explicitly - the songs were all about Ben, or sex with Ben, like the one called Dear Ben, or something, in which she referred to "Ben my King" and so forth. Doesn't exactly leave much wiggle room for re-interpreting the songs as general expressions of love and devotion, does it? But, maybe it's not a big deal. I never actually heard the songs so I can't really give them an uncomfortability rating. All I remember are the hilarious South Park versions. You know,

"Oh Ben you are so purr-fect.
So spectacularr in every way.
You bring light into my life Ben.
You almost make me forget all about tacos.
Tacos so goo-ood.
In my tummy yummy yummy give me more.
I love you Ben.
You almost make me forget about tacos."

Man, that's a catchy tune. After all this time I can still instantly call it up. That's gonna be in my head for the rest of the day now.

I know this is getting old, but holy freaking crap! What possesses them? I'm seriously starting to think that the decision-making people at The Australian are EVIL.

Ohmygod. Big news. Huge! I got home from work and watched my tape of The L Word to avoid doing my overdue essay. No news there, but wait. The tape ran over into the next show, Boston Public, and you will never guess who was on it. JOEY McINTYRE! What? That's totally weird, no? But I kid you not, people. He was on my frickin TV! Looks like he's clawing his way back from the early 90s. He must've stepped up to the producers and said, "Don't you know that the time has arri-i-ived? Hu-a hu-a hu-a. De ne ne ne ne ne ne new."

No no no no no no NO! Stupid Supreme Court! Didn't they read my bloody long post about the unconstitutionality of "under god"? Crap crap crap. I feel very strongly about this, technicalities be damned. It's more IMPORTANT than that! Oooh. Gotta go. Paris Hilton is on Letterman.

Hey people. Check out Fop [you can find it in our links down on your left]. C'mon people. I'm serious. Check it out. Do it now. Firstly because it's a great smart blog [seriously, how can you not like a blog that listed Elephant as its number one film of 2004?] and secondly because it gave us a compliment. And I just love that. At least, I think it was a compliment. See, Fop said of Symposiasts;

"If this blog was a band, it would be Mis-Teeq because it's 'licking on both sides'. Very nice."

I don't quite comprehend, but I like it.

Whoah! The Australian cannot be serious with this editorial! Seriously, whoah! It's pretty rank. I mean, spitting about David Hicks "garnering an impressive cheer-squad among 'progressives'", despite being "a violent religious fascist". Yeah. I'm sure his extended incarceration without charge or access to representation was not at all central to their drawing attention to his situation, irrespective of his guilt/innocence or personal beliefs. What progressive bastards! Making a stand for the 'rule of law' and 'democratic principles' and 'civil rights'! Losers!

Oh well, he has a lawyer now anyway, so there. And he's been charged. Two big ticks. So what are people still harping on about? Oh, not that whole 'the military tribunal system is unfairly weighted against him' argument? Jeez! I mean, it's kind of like a real court. Almost. What more do they want? Oh, a really real court. Well that's just silly! Where do people get these fanciful notions? Probably from yesterday's Age. Well la-dee-da! Fine! Be that way! If you wanna inform your view by reading a reasonable and principled argument, go ahead! Read the frickin Age editorial! Dumb-arses! Think they're so great. Don't they know that Hicks is like, a bad guy? And anyway:

"Instead of being taken out the back and shot – which is how al-Qa'ida and LET would deal with anyone suspected of treason – Mr Hicks will receive an open trial before a military tribunal."

Hmmm. I guess everything's alright then. I mean, as long as the process under which Hicks will be judged compares favourably to those of al-Qaeda and LET! Yes, everything's obviously tip top! Carry on! CUNTS!

P.S. This blogging lark is too easy. All I have to do is go on to a newspaper website, click to the commentary section and find something hateful and offensive that I just have to rail against. Second day straight following this strategy to achieve enragement. Huh. Wonder if it could be managed every day? Shit. Probably.

Ohmygod! New Datsuns album. Rock and roll! ROCK AND ROLL!

Oh yeah, and it's Radiothon time at 3CR, so if people are interested in supporting a community radio station that provides a forum for marginalised voices and progressive attitudes and so forth, feel free to pledge a donation. You can call 94198377 or go to the website at www.3cr.org.au and it would be nice if you could direct your donation to the Tuesday Breakfast show, because that's my friend Camille's show and they've gotta raise a certain amount. Every little bit helps and the station relies on this to stay independent and forthright.

Um, I'm gonna be on the radio tomorrow morning. Camille has invited me to be a guest on her 3CR breakfast show. Apparently, I'm gonna be talking about the importance of community radio in providing a voice for people and issues ignored by the mainstream. So if you're in Melbourne and you tune into 855 on the AM dial, some time after 7.30am be prepared for awkward silences and me going, "Uh. Community radio is, um, good?"

Could someone please write an opinion piece in the paper about the question of gay marriage without being icky? Goddamnit! I was quite excited about this one because its subheading was "Denying public recognition to long-term gay relationships simply promotes homophobia," which I thought was close to being a sensible statement, except for that 'long-term' specification, which seemed unnecessary. It seems to me like there are different standards for that. Like, a long-term relationship for a straight couple is four years, but a gay relationship has to hit at least 7 years to be considered long-term, serious enough to merit marriage. This is just the feeling I get. Anyway, the piece was written by Muriel Porter, who is the head of my department at uni or something. I dunno. I think I'm supposed to go and see her about tranferring credit from my previous aborted degree. I'll get around to it. So yeah, I thought she might be an alright sort, because generally, the people in my vicinity are. But NO! Check this out:
"If gay people are denied proper public recognition of their partnerships, they are left with little other than the lifestyle offered by the gay community, which inevitably leaves them in a kind of shadowland."

Ew! I'm shuddering. Like, whoah! It's like that Andrew Sullivan argument Marty was talking about. You know, that gays need marriage to stabilise the community's rampant dark and furtive promiscuity blah blah blah. That made me mad.

Anyway, I guess her article wasn't all bad. Like, she also said this:
"It is disingenuous of church leaders to condemn homophobia in the same breath as they condemn same-sex unions. Denying gay people public recognition tacitly promotes homophobia."

So that's good. At least she is mentioning homophobia and agreeing that, yes, it does exist. And yes, the 'h' word even provides the underlying 'logic' to people's resistance to gay marriage, hello! And she takes on the stupidity of clinging to that Bible-quoting deal when most other Bible-named 'sins', like money-lending with interest, have since been exonerrated. So her article is not heinous at a Janet level. But, still, I just wanna read ONE opinion piece that has no shittiness at all in it.

What the hell? Alan Jones was honoured for his services to the media? Unnnn! Dodgy!

Rahaaahahahahahah! Guy! Guy! Look what Angus found! That's just too good! Thorpie's dating a Beard!

I only caught the aftermath of Merlin's big silent exit from the Big Brother house, but people really need to fuck off. Christ! What's so wrong with what he did? And why did it make people so angry? I mean, it's not like we missed anything important, being denied the standard post-eviction interview with Gretel, the opportunity to glean such shocking admissions as "Yes. I did enjoy my time in the house. It was fun." And so forth. Get over your howling disappointment already, people! This was way cooler! I think. I mean, I didn't actually see it. I only heard Gretel's explanation of the 'incident', with Merlin walking down to the stage and duct-taping his mouth shut and holding a sign saying "Free the Refugees" and then refusing to speak. Sounded like a pretty canny effort. Threw a spanner in the works, at least. I like that. Hey, it wasn't that canny at all! I mean, why haven't more people, who know in advance that they are going to be on nationally broadcast live television, taken advantage of a rare moment to mess with things, to do something unpredicatble and unstoppable? At least Merlin recognised that he had the power to fuck up the broadcast. That his non-cooperation would leave them scrambling. It beats talking about how opinionated you are and other such crap. Seriously, what's with all the indignation? I mean, boo-ing? Chill out! That's just not sporting, chaps. And what was up with people immediately turning on Merlin and theorising about "Why would he do such a thing? Is he scared? Was he too nervous to talk? Is this his way of making a name for himself?" Like being a fame-whore after coming out of Big Brother is a rationale to dismiss all other agendas. Can't we just marvel at the execution of a simple but effective plan? Cause really, what's wrong or out of place about Merlin holding up a hand-made sign to express his views? I mean, it's so Big Brother. Everyone else in the audience was holding up their own piece of decorated cardboard. They just had different things written on them. Shit Gretel, you don't need to prejudice things right off the bat! I mean, the motivation is pretty simple to fathom. He wasn't talking because to not talk caused disruption. And protest requires disruption. That's it! Jeez! I dunno, but maybe it was all motivated by conscience or something. That's feasible isn't it? And the manner of his protest might have had deliberate associations with the voiceless position refugees find themselves in. Or whatever. Anyway, I wish I'd seen the awkward moment as it happened. No doubt there will be repeats of this "ohmygod controversy". Still, why are people so upset? It was a little bit daring, I guess, but still, pretty tame. I don't get it. It's like you can't even do a minor thing without coming up hard against that 'troublemaker' or 'difficult' tag, you know, which reduces your actions to pure egotism. I endured ten minutes of painful reaction from the crowd, from Gretel, from the housemates. And, listening to it, I started getting really shitty. I mean, people just seemed to be so anti the very concept of a protest [Wesley, you disappoint me]. Mutterings of Merlin "forcing his opinion on other people" and then being too pissweak to back it up with argument blah blah blah. I'm just generally pissed off. Hmmm. I really need to check my own intemperate fury too, I guess. Like, my over-reaction to other people's over-reaction to a minor incident, etc. But, having started off so badly, I'm just dreading how even more painful this discussion is gonna get. Hell, it was just one small personal gesture, and it's being shat on and dismissed like it's totally insupportable. A-holes! Why discredit a decent enough thing, and blight it with negative connotations? Ergh. Fuck off.

Last night I got home from work to find that my little brother had unplugged the TV and all its accoutrements and had moved it down the hall to the front room so that he could watch the DVDs he'd borrowed in peace, away from the chatter of the dinner party mum and dad were hosting. This also, of course, meant that he'd thoughtlessly unplugged the VCR and therefore wiped my pre-record settings, which meant that on my return home I found that no trashy TV had been collected onto videotape during my absence! The light at the end of the darkness of my shift was gone. Pfft. Never to be seen again. I mean, as if such things as Miriam going into the Big Brother house, or Alicia Silverstone being an attorney by day and matchmaker by night, or Eliza Dushku having some kind of calling and being named Tru, are ever going to be repeated on my TV screen again. These episodes are lost to me! Damn my stupid brother! Anyway, so I had to make do with one of the DVDs he had rented. The choices were Spellbound and Wonderland, but as I'd already seen the spelling bee doco, I went with the grisly later life of a porn king. And it was pretty good. Val Kilmer was good. I didn't recognise Dylan McDermott until I read the credits at the end, so I was able to enjoy his performance, too. The acting was pretty solid all around, the story was interesting, LA's underbelly felt decidedly seedy and unsafe, and there was a brief cameo by Paris Hilton with splotchy fake-tanned boobs. What more do ya need, really? Yep, it was a good movie. Strangely, I wasn't tense at any point during it, which is weird for me and violent movies, or movies in which I know violence is approaching. But anyway, yeah, Wonderland is good. One of the special features on the DVD is a little sick, though. Having said that, I watched it all the way through. See, they've treated us to the police video of the crime scene, taken only hours after the murders, noting all the blood spatters and the ransacking and the locations and positions and traumas of the victims, who are still lying where they fell after being ferociously set upon and beaten to pieces with metal pipes. It's weird, but these real dead bodies didn't look real at all. Maybe it was the camera quality but their flesh looked kinda waxen, like Madame Tussaud's people had pulled the old switcheroo. But I guess that's just how people look when they're dead. Also, they were probably less recognisable as people because their skulls were bashed in, with much of the contents splattered on the surrounding walls, bed linen, carpet. If you're ever in LA, stay away from a guy called Eddie Nash. He's a bad man.

Speaking of reading material, this piece of Perth Rock City goodness had me laughing my arse off. So much so that my mum started hovering around the computer going "What is it? What's so funny?" I guess that's a LOL. Anyway, the piece also finally propelled me to find out what the word felching means, which I have been meaning to do since I heard it mentioned during some audience repartee at Noel Fielding's comedy festival show, in 2003 I think. Anyway, this is the definition I found for "felching":
"Sucking seminal fluid from a woman/man's anus, along with fecal matter, after having previously ejaculated in said orifice."

Ah, closure, it's a beautiful thing. Yep, that's one more "to do" off my list. I can put a line right through "#43: find out what 'felching' means." Sorted. I feel quite proud. I've already accomplished something today, and not just any something but a longstanding errand. And the day is barely an hour old. Yay for me, I'm so resourceful. Hey, we really are doing our fair share of Google research here at Symposiasts for your benefit. First Guy opened our eyes to the "Frankee/Eamon" thing, [and my eyes to the "Frankee" thing] and now I'm giving people the lowdown on "felching".

Apologies to those who knew all this anyway.

On the bus ride home I read about 10 pages of a book, and yay, I feel all exhilarated by the prospect of reading it! It's Jay McInerney's Brightness Falls, and my god the writing is hot! Totally rad! All perfect and superb characterisations and stuff. Like there's this cool interaction between this glamourous pair of New York marrieds, and the husband goes "You're still my blonde bombshell," and she replies "A mere shell of my former bomb." Ha! I'm sorry, but I'm very excited. The last few months have seen a procession of books begun and aborted in favour of other distractions. And now the stars have conspired to put in my hands a book that I am both jazzed about and - as I am ONE essay away from 5 weeks of freedom - the requisite leisure time to read it. Not that many of the other distractions that drew me away from the aborted books were uni-related or anything, but, still, the perception of spare time is greatly magnified by having no study committments. The other books were all quality publications I'm sure, but I just wasn't vibing them. And though they are now strewn all over the house, abandoned, I have promised to get back to them and finish them someday. And I will. After all, what is a girl if she does not keep her promises? I ain't no flake, I'm just perenially tardy in fulfilling the obligations of my various undertakings. Anyway, so Brightness Falls is off on the right foot. If only I'd started reading it a few days ago, it might also have added a little something to an essay I was doing. See, in the preface, there's this sentence that goes "Begin with an indiviual and you'll find you've got nothing but ambiguity and compassion; if you intend violence, stick with the type." It seemed quite relevant as a jumping off point about the dangers of stereotypes, which would lead into my argument that the great contribution the Queer Eye guys have made to gay progress is that they manage to both fully embody and yet totally humanise a gay stereotype, engendering personal affection wherever they go. Just so you know, I did NOT use the word "explode" or any of its variants at any point during my essay. Anyway, one essay to go. Not sure Jay McInerney can really help me add some flair to a discussion of the issues that remain unresolved in the history of race relations in Australia, but he does provide enducement to get the thing done.

Does anyone else find Sarah Connor hilarious? Others may not be as pathetically tuned into top 40 radio as I am, so I'll give some background: she sings Bounce, which samples Mary J. Blige's Family Affair, and sounds like generic US chart fodder, in the tradition of hip-hop lite types such as J.Lo etc. Except that she's German. I was watching the clip, and I'm not sure if they're taking the piss, cause they have gone so massively overboard with the American signifers. They've got the booty, the cars, and the bling. She's even at one stage wearing pants with the US flag imprinted on them - is that a joke? Yet I notice that for their "bling" convertible sitting in the background, they've chosen a Chrysler Crossfire. If there are any car buffs out there, you'll know that Chrysler is part of the DaimlerChrysler group (aka Daimler's Chrysler) and is now as German as they come. The Crossfire is in fact a thinly disguised Merc SLK, which means its a German car trying to pass as American. Sound familiar? Someone is definitely taking the piss.

PJ Harvey was on Letterman. A-MAZING!

I was intrigued by this whole Frankee versus Eamon "fuck you" war, so I decided to google it. The deal is that Frankee initially claimed to have been Eamon's girlfriend five years ago, and as she assumed the song was about her, she just had to fire one right back at him. But lately Frankee's hedging, saying "I can't tell if its about me or not", but cause it made her "so angry anyway" she thought she better go and set the record straight for all the gals. Of course, Eamon claims he has "never met Frankee". BUT, Eamon had to give licensing permission for her song to be released, and he did. Which makes me smell a rat. I mean would you really license a song claiming that you gave someone genital lice? Whatever the deal was, everybody wins, as both Eamon and Frankee scored No.1 US singles. Ominously Fankee is now preparing a full length album entitled The Good, the bad and the ugly which is, like, about relationships and, like, about "empowering women to stand up for themselves". Yikes.

Apologies to those who knew all this anyway.

I can't seem to find an answer to this, so I'm just gonna put it out there: what happened to Sex and the City? It just seemed to vanish... Are Channel Nine doing their dodgy mid-season break thing? Tell me I didn't miss the final show...

Oh, crap. Pete Murray's got a new single.

Yay! Queer Eye is back tonight! Hee hee. I have missed them so! And what's even better is that I can watch it completely without guilt because I am currently writing an essay about the show! Yeah! It's research, baby! I need to display a knowledge of my subject, don't I? Am totally loving the fact that I can quote Carson in an essay. The quote I'm using is "Snaps to Ellen for coming out and paving the way." Ha ha! I'm using the word "snaps" in an essay! The boys are also on The Apprentice tonight, so I guess I'll watch that too. I've never seen that show before. Trump freaks me out.

Hey, just discovered that Catherine's blog isn't dead! It's alive and well. So check it out. It's listed on our links as & So This is Christmas. Oh man, I feel really rude that we're only linking to it now. Huge apologies Catherine, but I thought it was dead. Now I've got some serious reading to catch up on.

Forget Reagan. J.Lo's married Marc Anthony!

Yeah, so Ronald Reagan died and the coverage is painful. We knew this day would come. Pile of crap indeed. People have been working up to this for a while, though. For the past ten years we have been treated to the constant revision of his image. And he got scrubbed cleaner and cleaner each time. Will be sorely disappointed if one of the funny papers does not come up with the headline "Reagan dies at 93 after long battle with Alztheimer's: Collective amnesia ensues." Or some such.

Seriously, revisionism has turned people's heads. So much so that these days, mentioning Reagan's responsibility for the funding black-hole wrongheadedness that is Star Wars Missile Defence, or talking about 'Reaganomics' [which, just so you know, are EXTREME and DON'T WORK] somehow doesn't cause people to spit "What a dumb prat". Rather, they go, "Ooh, forward-thinking."

Arrggh! I know this is disrespectful to the dearly departed, but he did a really bad job! Really really bad! I mean, huge tax cuts for the wealthy AND huge military spending? WHO DOES THAT? [Badoom-ching!] Ergh, I can't believe Reagan managed to win so many working class votes while running on an anti-Welfare platform. That enrages me! How could that happen? Oh well, I guess that's why he was "The Great Communicator" blergh blergh. Clearly, he could talk people into acting against their own interests.

By the way, and I don't think I'm taking crazy-pills here, but Reagan was NOT individually responsible for the end of the Cold War/breakdown of the Soviet Union. People have taken to praising him for 'accelerating' this process [BY A FEW WEEKS!], which has somehow expanded to crediting him with the whole shabang. Just a word of caution here. Ya might want to consider the years of internal untenability in the USSR, and the role played by some dude named Gorbachev and his perestroika business, if you're writing an essay on that shit, okay? You'd probably have to go back and mention detente and all those guys too. Saying "Reagan did it" will not get you a good mark, anywhere [we hope]. Poor Russians. Americans always get to take credit for what you do. Fighting the good fight [and dying A LOT] in World War II, having a history of being fucked over by your own leaders way before the country folded. Russia did it. Where's the credit, eh?

Anyway, we're talking about Reagan. It's not easy. Last year in Time there was a feature on all these letters he had written to his family and others, and, upon reading them, I found myself liking the man, which I found very discomfiting. So if any of you this week find yourselves having more tender feelings for the nice dead man, I've been there. I can help you. Here is a fortifying strategy to cling to in a world gone Reagan mad.

They will say:
"He was 'tarnished' by the Iran-Contra affair."
You will chant:
"Impeach impeach impeach. Helloo, High Crimes and Misdemeanors much?"

They will say:
"As SAG president, he got his political feet wet leading the campaign against communist sympathisers in Hollywood."
You will chant:
"Shame shame shame. ARTHUR MILLER IS MY HOMEBOY."

Got it? Use it. Tough times ahead. Seriously, I just heard Doris Kearns Goodwin on Meet the Press say "That was the magic of Reagan". To which you chant?... Come on, children. Okay, I'll help you out on this one. The correct answer is "Dark dark magic."

P.S. Just as a sidenote, I can't deny that Reagan's death is momentous. You wanna know why I can't deny this? Because Katie Couric and Matt Lauer are working on a Sunday. HUGE!

Watched a scary doco this morning on Sunday about the Silver Ring Thing, a religious-based teen abstinence program that's apparently sweeping America, and who have just been given $700 000 by the federal government. Abstinence is all and good, but I think it's pretty disgusting that it should be framed in terms of purity; that one should choose it in order to stay "pure". Pure, so that you can then "give" yourself to your partner in marriage - like giving them ownership of your sexuality or something. I don't think sex should ever be related to purity. That's a lot of pressure to put on people - one false move and you've fallen.

Rediscovered a surprisingly gold comedy last night - She-Devil, starring Roseanne Barr (as she was at the time) and Meryl Streep. Streep played romance novelist Mary Fisher, who lived in this pink palace in Malibu or somewhere where she wrote trashy romance while cavorting with her latino butler. Anyway, the funniest moment was when Streep's sitting in her rose-filled garden, with her laptop open, trying to write her new novel (the font, perfectly, was perpetua). She's trying to churn out the love-scene, but has run out of ambiguous sexual descriptors. She's torn between "he reached down to touch her nub", and "he reached down to touch her love-button". After deciding on "love-button", she moves on to describe the moment at which his "love-nectar was spent". Hahahaha. Actually, spent is another uncomfortably word, along with panties. Now Elanor, where is Fermina?

Was waiting for Letterman to come on, so sat through Spiderbait playing on the NRL Rugby League version of the Footy Show. Anyway, out of respect for where he was, the drummer was wearing a t-shirt that said "NO MEANS NO". I really rather liked that.

Just heard an hilarious news headline from a Channel Seven news update. Brace yourself;

"Play School or gay school?"

Rahaaaahaaahaaa! People are concerned because Play School, our long-running educational early child development TV program, featured a 'through the window' story about a girl going to a fair with her two mums. People need to chill. I mean, "gay school"? Like "Aunty is trying to make all our kids gay! Run for the hills!" Do people actually think that seeing that story will impact negatively in any way on their children? Like tolerance, acceptance or identification are bad things? Oh man, this just makes no sense.

What the hell? Jon Stewart is on The Nanny re-run that is on behind me at the moment! Don't get me wrong, I'll take any Jon Stewart I can get, especially since SBS can no longer screen his show, but I just thought this was weird. OH MY GOD! He's making out with Fran! OH MY GOD! No wait, that's dissolved into a rather fabulous Dynasty pisstake. So it's okay. No, wait, they're making out again! Aaaaaah! Is it weird to find this so disturbing? Ew.... Ahahahaha! Apparently their characters are cousins. I knew it was wrong. Now she's going to see a therapist played by that guy, Spalding Gray, who just recently killed himself by jumping into the Hudson River. Huh, TV is weird when you watch it after the passing of many years.

Have decided that The L Word is a really good show, so I figured I'd put that on the record. I've watched every episode so far and it has been hitting its stride for a while now. Which reminds me, I've got a tape full of stuff for you, Amy. We should meet at some point. I've got, like, three episodes of The L Word and like, two of Angel, and then one of Dark Angel in which ALEC ENTERS THE ROOM WEARING ONLY A TOWEL AFTER HAVING HAD A STEAMY SHOWER! So, you know, it's a good tape. You can skip the Charles II documentary if you wanna.

Ooh, and yay yay yay! The O.C is coming back! Thankyou Channel Ten!

I watched GirlTV today, and it wasn't as hideous as I had expected. Actually, for afternoon kid TV, it was kinda okay. I mean, they had interviews with up-and-coming country singer Catherine Britt, and with feminist-humourist hip-hop duo Sista She [RESPECT!], and also one with a circus boy, which was quite cutely and sweetly done. The show seems to be really well-produced, breezily humourous, and focussed on finding girls and women in a variety of fields to profile [with a special segment called 'Boys Who Rock', reserved for boy stories, eg. circus dude]. And even though the girl hosts didn't really have any idea why country music singer Catherine would name her puppy 'Hank', that hardly matters, does it? I mean, they're young, and they're doing just as well as anyone else whose brief is to go "Really? Wow! What was that like?" Also, they're gorgeous and generally well-dressed, too [the blonde one's style is particularly good]. I know mothers went spastic about this show, but I actually think GirlTV presents a great leap forward in girl-orientated light entertainment. That's a big call, but I stand by it. You wanna know why? It's because there was not one single instance of butterfly clipped twisty 'fun' hair to be seen!!!!!!!

I'm sorry, but that is PROGRESS! Bravo GirlTV! It seems those dark days are behind us. Tweens everywhere should be thankful. [And their mothers should just CHILL OUT. I mean, I know it's not The Big Arvo, but ease up, alright? Tell me, what is actually wrong with a show that profiles a woman who is an aeroplane mechanic by day and a Kylie Minogue impersonator by night, and is successful at both? Huh? Exactly. NOTHING!.....Uh oh. I just revealed that I've watched more than the one episode of this show that I was prepared to admit to. Damn! Leave me alone!]

Now that I'm shamelessly watching Something About Miriam I can blog about how crappily brilliant it is. Basically any time Miriam speaks, i'm amused, cause she tries to say these meaningful things about how "attached" she is to the contestants, and about how "this will be the hardest eviction ever", and that she's "looking for love" etc but she just comes across as so, so vapid - it's great. Like when she did actually get to the eviction, she'd just say stuff like "Tom - try harder", "Rhett - you're arrogant", "Simon - you tried hard in the physical challenges - well done" or whatever (and yes, I've made those names up). And then there's the hilarity of the challenges themselves - all these guys running around pulling chariots trying to woo her. I'm just so intrigued as to what they're all thinking, because really, is Miriam and $10 000 worth all this effort? I mean, she has nothing interesting to say, and we only think she looks pretty cause she's remarkably pretty... for a man. Otherwise she just seems like some generic model-type (which hey, I'm sure those guys are into). And then, although I missed this, apparently they brought in a doctor to officially reveal that, yes, Miriam really does have "male genitalia". Classic.

A worrying trend I've noticed: middle-aged, mostly male, business types in suits who walk around with those mobile phone microphone things attached to their ears 24/7. I even served some guy last week who obviously must have been so important that he could ill afford to remove that thing from his head just in case he wasn't able to answer his phone in time. Don't these people realise that they look ridiculous?