Oh man, watching someone throw up is damn funny. I could barely breathe from laughing.
On a related topic, I'm not going to hell. Or, I'm only slightly going to hell. Erin is going to hell, deeply, which I think is far more interesting. But I'm just going to Limbo. Well, if it existed, Limbo's where an internet test would put me.

Your fate has been decided....
You are one of the lucky ones! Because of your virtue and beliefs, you have escaped eternal punishment. You are sent to the First Level of Hell - Limbo!

Charon ushers you across the river Acheron, and you find yourself upon the brink of grief's abysmal valley. You are in Limbo, a place of sorrow without torment. You encounter a seven-walled castle, and within those walls you find rolling fresh meadows illuminated by the light of reason, whereabout many shades dwell. These are the virtuous pagans, the great philosophers and authors, unbaptised children, and others unfit to enter the kingdom of heaven. You share company with Caesar, Homer, Virgil, Socrates, and Aristotle. There is no punishment here, and the atmosphere is peaceful, yet sad.

The Dante's Inferno Test has sent you to the First Level of Hell - Limbo!
Here is how you matched up against all the levels:

Level	Score
Purgatory (Repenting Believers)	Very Low
Level 1 - Limbo (Virtuous Non-Believers)	Very High
Level 2 (Lustful)	Moderate
Level 3 (Gluttonous)	High
Level 4 (Prodigal and Avaricious)	Very Low
Level 5 (Wrathful and Gloomy)	Low
Level 6 - The City of Dis (Heretics)	Very High
Level 7 (Violent)	Moderate
Level 8- the Malebolge (Fraudulent, Malicious, Panderers)	Low
Level 9 - Cocytus (Treacherous)	Low

Take the Dante's Inferno Hell Test

Hey, if I score equally high as a Heretic as I do as a Virtuous Non-Believer, why don't I get cast properly into hell? I wanna be a damn Heretic! Although, Limbo does seem much more cushy. And I do like my comfort...

Let me get this straight: Howard's running on a platform of trust? And I have to endure this for six weeks? I mean, sometimes elections are fun and stuff, but really, six weeks of editorialising and election lift-outs is not a good thing.

Anyway. Back to the Olympics. I haven't seen the closing ceremony yet, but from what I've seen, my prediction seems to have held true that it would feature 12-year old girls with streamers, dragons and lots of drill dancing. Could these be the retro-Communism games that Leah has talked up?

Favourite moment of Aus Idol tonight was when Mark derided someone's performance as "Hasselhoffian". Especially funny since Mark's day job is dependent on knowing what is Hasselhoffian and what's not. Ha ha ha. I really hope he screwed himself there. Anyway, I still want Adrian to go through. He just seems like a non-wanker.

Yo, the election is on. I just found out when the breaking news scrolled across the screen during Video Hits. So, until October 9th we at Symposiasts will be providing campaign coverage in the form of thoughtful analysis and commentary and so forth. First bit of considered opinion to get the ball rolling; John Howard, like, FUCK OFF!

Congratulations to Guy, who officially graduated from uni with First Class Honours today. [It was today, right?] Sorry I couldn't be there to bustle around taking overbearing happy snaps, or something. I was busy 'graduating' from a four week radio training course. Yep, it was pretty tough. Quite an achievement. But yeah, Guy. That's cool. Oooh, and here's a present.

Via Defamer comes this awesome news. Do read it. It's a pisser. Tommy Lee is involved.

This, however, is just plain sick.

And hey, I didn't know that Liz Smith was funny. I just assumed she was one of those fawning people, and only Cojo gets away with that. And because she's an old lady to boot, I thought that would make her extra bad. But I've just gotta get it into my head that not all old ladies are like Barbara Walters. Sorry Liz Smith for ever having thought of you two in the same way. It's the hair, or something. Anyway, I read my first ever Liz Smith gossip piece today, and she gets a gold star for breaking down my baseless preconceived notions with her "the pod took over" line. It just really wasn't what I expected her to say [see: my baseless preconceived notions]. So I was rather delighted by that. Yep.

Someone googled "Carl Barat is evil" to get here. I hope it wasn't Pete. Anyway, I said Carl Barat was lovely, so Google, you're twisting my words, man.

Oh, dear. I had a dream that Bush got reelected with 75% of the vote. Yikes. My dreams are generally wildly inaccurate, however.

I've put up our Blogger profiles because, yeah, it is annoying when other blogs don't have them. You might wanna know some basic details and any giveaway freakinesses before you heed our words, I guess. Anyway, so they're up. And a nifty thing I just found out is that if something's blue in your profile, you can click on it, like for instance that one of my favourite movies is Ride With The Devil, and Blogger will find all the other profiles that have Ride With The Devil in them. I thought, "Aha, kindred spirits, finally". Anyway, it was a little disappointing to find that those blogs mostly belong to Southern history buffs or religious people from the South who believe in agrarianism and conservatism, or teenage Jewel fans from Holland. Whatever, I'm glad they liked the movie. And then I clicked on The Grey Zone to see if anyone else had listed it as a favourite movie. And, in the whole world of Blogger profiles, nobody else had. Does that make me special or a bit freaky? Hmmmm, I think I've just found another massive time-wasting activity. Excellent.

Oh yeah, forgot to talk about the rowing thing. See, I'm like, an expert on rowing because I like, rowed at school. My input here will therefore be very valuable to you all. Pretty much, my experience taught me that the culture of rowing is psycho, but hilarious. First of all, at a school level it's all these pretty quite precious girls doing what is quite frankly a gross sport. The Yarra river is unlean. The gunge is real, the blisters are real. It's gross. Also, something about my sculling technique was so bad that I would graze my stomach on every stroke [my gut may have had something to do with it] and hack away at my hands with my fingernails as they crossed over each other after the tap down. As a result, my rowing top would be covered in blood by the end of a session and I had a band of scarred epidermis on my belly for years. So, really. Rowing's gross. I ended up having to wear gloves because of the hand hacking thing. I'm not getting to the hilarious part yet, I know, but I swear it's crazy funny. Rowing's psycho, but if you're not psycho too, you can really piss yourself about it. Like, if you're not actually scared of the people yelling at you, they look really funny and ridiculous. I consider myself non-psycho and knowledgeable, so here's my [just pasted in from the comments section of the antiblog of Hana] take on "what's up with that rowing thing?":

It's a rowing thing. You wouldn't understand. Rowing is an arsehole sport. Like, when I read that this girl had stopped rowing 300 metres from the finish out of physical exhaustion, I went, "Oh shit, she is gonna be hated forever and ever." Like, I can just picture rowers at the Yarra boatsheds huddling together in groups saying all sorts of shitty things about her, and about the selection process that let this 'soft cunt' through. Seriously, I would put money on those exact words being a feature on the Yarra this week. Really, rowing is an arsehole sport. I only did schoolgirl rowing, and I was always quite nonchalant about it. I used to laugh at the strange 20-something men and women rowers who coached us, and taunt them by going, "yeah yeah, it's only rowing. Chill out." I always thought there was a kind of sadism to them, how they relished making young girls freak. I think some of them found me kinda infuriating, how I wouldn't get shitty or turn on my crew members after a race or a practice session had gone bad. Anyway, what I find most hilarious about it is how during races they cycle alongside the river just yelling obscenities at young girls. It's an hilarious sight to behold. Kinda sick too. And I remember this one time we were at rowing camp at Nagambie, racing in different combinations to fill the last spot in the first crew. We'd been going at it all morning, race after race after race to see which girl went faster with us. And then the girl behind me started throwing up the banana she'd had for breakfast. So I called over to the coach, like, "We have to stop, Lou is puking." And the coach was like, "Are you fucking kidding me? We've barely started. This is the softest crew I've ever seen!" Ha ha ha. Good times.

I've been watching some movie preview trailers, and this is what I've found. Despite the "Second date, no tongue" thing, or the "In the absence of light, darkness prevails" der thing for that matter, I'm actually interested in seeing Hellboy now that Adrian Martin has made it okay. Also because I developed a fondness for its existence months ago when it was out in America, and one weekend the box office ranking went "#1.Hellboy. #2.The Passion of the Christ" which I found rather amusing. I was like, "Well look at that. The devil wins. Start freaking out, apocalypse weirdos". My interest has also been piqued because the dude who plays Hellboy was that tall guy looking for his little brother in City of the Lost Children. Oh, indie cred, I am a sucker for you. Anyway, maybe I'll wait for video. I'm also waiting for video for that Suddenly 30 debacle that I know I'm gonna love because, hello! They can't possibly make it end in an uncreepy but still romantic comedy way. The girl is thirteen! Ha ha ha ha! Anyway, I will wait for video unless perhaps there is someone out there prepared to accompany me and endure me loudly proclaiming "I just love the work of Mark Ruffalo, don't you? I'd see anything with him in it" as I buy my ticket and choc top. But really, I will be a snivelling coward about it, der. Am also keen on, but not ashamed of, The Bourne Supremacy because I totally reckon the first one was like, the coolest action movie ever. Matt Damon actually became hot in that movie, in a character sense. However, I am dubious about Julia Stiles' new hairdo, and I dunno why they changed the director for this second one. Doug Liman rules [Swingers was awesome and all, but my respect is flipping out since he like, created The OC or something. He is a GOD! Doesn't everyone just love that show? Ohmygod, I love it so much!] Ahem. Anyway, did people catch Matt Damon on Denton? He was pretty cool. Matt Damon, I mean.

I'm batting for Casey! Touchdown! I don't quite know why, but she comes across so well compared to all the other Idol show-ponies (that's you, Nicole Wheatley). I feel her teen angst, and while the show may be milking it (as it is a truly rare commodity these days, in a world of Lindsay Lohans), I don't think she is - I think she's real, baby. Here's Where I Stand was an INSPIRED choice (possibly 'cause I love the film Camp), allowing her to plead with the audience: "accept me, I'm here, here's who I am, vote for me" and so forth. And, of course, a killer key-change didn't hurt.

Also batting for Ricki-Lee, who added some much needed pizzazz to the proceedings. As Fop rightly pointed out, she's a mondern day Taylor Dayne, and not just via her song choice. Nicole Wheatley pisses me off. Too much confidence, not enough talent, I say. And am I right in thinking that she tried out for Popstars Live, and failed to get in, in a spectacularly embarrasing fashion?

I am so fond of the people who choose to visit Symposiasts in their search for

oscar humphries hate

feckless youth

ointment for sex rash

ian thorpe in bathers and penis

They just make me so happy.

I've been laughing my arse off for the last twenty minutes. See, someone named Jason Mulgrew left the comment "I love PJ!" here a few days back. I thought, "Hmmm, how astute. That is one happening dude", so today I followed the link to his site. OH MY GOD! Fucking hilarious. Like
"Gatorade is so far superior to Powerade that I'm actually embarrassed for the Powerade people. Really. I mean, they have to know this." Hahaha!

Or "I was so drunk by the end of the night, I was allegedly yelling things in the hotel lobby like, 'I've paid my dues and I can have a god damn drink if I god damn want to!' and 'Do you know who the fuck I am? Do you?' and refusing to get on the elevator because I thought it would take me to hell". Oh man, seriously gold.

And even if he was only brought here by that new blogroll thingie and only left a comment because he was messing with people worldwide that day, I swear his blog rocks. So do check out Everything Is Wrong With Me, for some hilarious NY-based self-abuse.

Also very funny is Fafblog! which managed to finally make sense of the war for me: "If freedom is to defeat terror... It must be tough. Real tough. So tough it must attack the terrorists where they don't even exist." Gold.

I've been a bit tardy with this, but the Symposiast Period Romance site has now been updated to include Elanor's recent addition. It moves ever, ever forward...

Which Rock Chick Are You?

Ummmm... I did that Rock Chick test thing (even though I'm not a chick), and it said I was Courtney Love. That really can't be right. As anyone who knows me will varify, I'm really not like Courtney Love. Why can't I be PJ?!!! Unstable, but in a much more solid way. Oh, man. Self-identity shaken.

Eugh... that Billie chick on Aus Idol is so annoying! She really can't sing, but she's got this holier than thou "I'm a jazz artist attitude" goin' on. They were too soft on her. Meanwhile, what was with Marcia's get up? Every night she looks more like some kind of mother goddess type figure. I can't tell if she's serene or well medicated. Anyway, I'm goin for that chick who sang Can't Get Enough Of Your Love...

Hmmm, Andrew G got fired or something? I guess I missed the story behind that one. Anyway, I just thought it was funny that he is still there in spirit, with James now sporting the t-shirt with blazer look.

Further to our hopes about John Howard going down, this article about him is pretty interesting. Some quotes:

"His relationship with Fraser started to collapse in late 1982 and early 1983 as Howard tried, and failed, to stop his leader from using budgetary measures as a tool to boost the Coalition's electoral prospects"...

"He attacked Keating as cynical, unethical, unprincipled, with a disregard for the truth and a lack of respect for Parliament and the views of others"...

"Howard vowed to restore public faith in politics and public life, to reinstate principle and honour by implementing codes of conduct, promising to oversee an Australia in which everyone felt free to air their opinions without fear of retribution or derision"...

Oh yeah, I remember that anti-political correctness campaign, which made it more difficult to call people racist because, you know, that kind of censure was 'politically correct' and constrained freedom of expression. Actually, the main kind of censure that was really allowed, the highest insult possible, was to call someone 'politically correct'. Wow, it was so freeing. Howard just loves his freedom. Yep, people have really been able to just say whatever they think under Howard... unless they're 'doddering daiquiri diplomats', or people in the intelligence services, who, you know, have experienced no retribution or derision at all. Blah. As for the codes of conduct, um, Warren Entsch still has his job.

Basic shorthand of my incessant [and it won't stop, either] banging on: Oh I hate John Howard so much he is yucky and a dickhead make him go away ew ew ew!

Anyway, on an election related point, there's also a Peter Singer piece in The Age about how a moral values campaign is just lame cant.

Train-wreck article of the weekend: the profile on Collette Dinnigan in The Weekend Australian Magazine. Oh. My. God. The writing. Horrifying. Rolling eyes all around for the "gossamer-light confections" and "exquisite understatement" quotes. Trust me, they're even more terrible in context. And ew, Joy Smithers. What a tool. I'm sorry, but if you say stuff like "Collette's the hardest working person and I think a lot of that came from when her mother died. She really threw herself into it to ease the pain", etc., you should not have friends. You are lame. Really really lame. Anyway, the most egregiously painful section was the writer's take on Collette's mother's garden. "A creative free spirit, she planted a wild garden where lush tomato vines tangled with flowering rose bushes and plump lettuce heads sprouted underneath..." Puke puke puke.

Anyway, I forgot to bitch about how fucked up I think the decision to remove that cool TV ad with the tennis coach and the girls turning into Serena Williams - out of 'sensitivity' or something to the Gavin Hopper case - is. I'm not just pissed off because I think the ad is cool and I want it on my tele, although it really is very very cool. No, I'm pissed off because the thinking behind the decision is just hideously wrong. To say that the ad is uncomfortably similar or 'too close' to the case is just, like, fuuuuck! Because, um, there is a HUGE difference between a situation in which girls have a crush on their older tennis coach, and one in which the tennis coach has sex with them. Like, there are laws against the latter because IT'S DIFFERENT! And to equate the two by going "ooh, creepy, look at the way the girls are looking at him" just reinforces that nutso thinking about girls being complicit in their sexual abuse/pressure from older men who they happen to have a crush on. Having a crush on your tennis coach isn't necessarily a factor in your being harmed by him. His decision to harm you is the significant thing. I can't believe people, like The Panel people, are praising the decision to drop the ad. I mean, christ! It is SO IMPORTANT that the two situations be distinguished from one another, rather than muddying them both together in the 'dodgy' file. One is DODGY and criminal, one isn't. We need to be completely aware of the MASSIVE DISTINCTION between the two. So yeah, I really think that decision was deeply fucked.

Aaaah, Perth Rock City continue to slay me. I read this one a few months ago and it's still just as brilliant on review. And this new one cracked me up too. So damn great.

I'm actually hoping the rumours that Julian McMahon will be the next Bond are true. It could be brilliant. Genius even. Stay with me here. He could actually do a good job. I mean, on Nip/Tuck he manages make Christian Troy a sleazy cad with a dark tortured soul, etc. So I think he could do the same for Bond. Actually make him interesting. Also there's the added frisson provided by the fact that Julian is the son of one of our former Prime Ministers, and he was married to Dannii Minogue... So he's obviously a star and quite a classy guy. Not cheesy at all.... But, see, that's why he's a perfect true Bond. He is Bond, ie., kind of a dirty sleaze. It could blow the lid off this whole "Bond loves women" bullshit. Anyway, I hope it happens. I think this casting prospect could definitely make the Bond thing better, darker, and honest.

Also, in news that horrifies me deeply, Jay McGraw, son of Phil, has his own television show in which entire families submit themselves to be 'renovated' by him. Okay, first off, I never liked it when he was pushing teens around. But now he is going to tell entire families what to do! That means people who are older than him, and who like, have jobs! [Ew, I just turned into Caz there for a second. IGNORE!] Anyway, I'm still quite baffled about this kid [who is probably older than me]. Why does he get this work? Oh, I see, it's because he's a "best-selling author who recently graduated from Law School". Thanks Maria Menounos. Anyway, his new show is called Renovate My Family, and it combines group therapy with, uh, home/garden renovations? So now, he's not only going to be a psychologist without credentials, but also a builder/gardener/decorator without credentials. Somebody stop this guy! Ha ha ha ha ha! Actually, now that I'm thinking about it, Renovate My Family could be a really great and ridiculous show, especially as Jay will continue to maintain that he's actually helping these people in an un-superficial way. Ooooh, I wish I had FOX!

Yay! The Symposiast contribution to Fop's Sara-Marie Bum Dance "Symposium" is up - one of many detailed reviews and analyses...

Too good to be true......


Which Rock Chick Are You?

Before I went and bought shoes and CDs and this cool painted bangle today after uni, I actually bought a practical thing. A micro-cassette recorder for, you know, my 'journalism'. So I've been walking around the house recording conversations with my pets, mostly beginning each recording with "Hey dictaphone... sup?" The annoying thing is that Dick Smith didn't have any of those phone attachments for it so that I could record interviews conducted on the phone. Which is shit. Apparently the manufacturers have discontinued them. So does anyone know any spy shops or anything in Melbourne that might have one?

Hey Guy, do you love Thorpie yet? Because seriously dude, it's time. I like him, and have done so for about a year, and I really need you to like him too so that my like is valid. Remember Anita's rule - Guy plus Elanor equals true.

Okay Mel, this one's for you. John Howard is going down. Possibly quite big time, but I'm keeping myself in check. I mean, I'm thinking, "if this is what brings him down in the end, why not any of the other stuff?" Because EVERYTHING should have brought him down. Anyway, he's down in the polls and down in the general standing it seems, as evidenced by the kind of impertinences he's now being subjected to. Ha ha ha, a lie detector test. That's cool. He used to be able to ignore stuff like that. Suck! Although, when this story reared up again, I didn't think it would have any impact, considering that David Marr and Marian Wilkinson's book, Dark Victory, had already exposed the dodgy mendacity of it all about two years ago. At least, that's what I've heard. I only bought the book... er, haven't exactly read it yet. Which is probably a problem. But ew, it's all coming back to me. I remember being at uni and going, like "No-one's going to vote for a guy who badmouths people who have just escaped from a sinking boat. That's just mean and weird." I mean, what he was saying back then was so off-putting in any case, I still don't get how it got people's respect. Even if what he had said about the asylum seekers had been true, it still didn't make him a good leader. It was all just shitty. And lies to boot. It shouldn't have been a vote-winner. If there are any people out there going "Oh I voted for him because of how strong and resolved he was in keeping a few hundred people out of Australia and saying totally Aussie things like how 'the kind of people who throw their kids overboard aren't welcome in Australia' even if we do have a legal/humanitarian responsibility to them, and now it turns out that they never did any of that bad un-Australian shit he said they did. Oh, I feel so betrayed." Well, those people can just fuck off because they're obviously cunts. They should still vote Green/Labor though.

Huh? According to NW, Nicky Hilton got married. Weird.

Hotel heiress Nicky Hilton, 20, has reportedly married in a Las Vegas ceremony over the weekend. Paris was present at the ceremony as her little sister said "I do" at the Las Vegas Wedding Chapel to 33-year-old New York money manager Todd Meister.

And it's really really true because Defamer confirms it.

Also, what could really work as a nickname for Todd? His jock friends can't just walk up to him and go "Hey Toddmeister... I mean, hey Todd... Meister."

Elanor and I have recently contributed to a very mysterious "event" about to be launched over at Fop, relating to the Sara-Marie/Sirens single "I'm So Excited (The Bum Dance)"... check it out in the coming days. I'm intrigued and, ahem, excited...

Can't believe I missed Aus Idol last night! Damn... I must satisfy myself with tonights vote-off. It's just not the same...

Guy's Olympic Update

The opening ceremony totally blew me away. I can't believe it - I was won over. It managed to avoid too much treacle (little boy excepted), while looking fantastic, and making monumentalism fun. Best bits were when the various statues shattered, and then floated about the stadium; when the lovers were splashing around in the lake (with Eros hovering above them), and then when they lay down to stare up at the constellation; the cool "march through history"; the funky women in "pot" dresses leading each national team, and when the sprinter carrying the flag "stumbled" during WWI and WWII.

And then Bjork popped up. Bjork! That is taste (no Farnham and Olivia), and I suspect she may be friends with the avant garde director guy, cause seriously, I don't think that her appearance would have been a directive from head office. Surely they would have wanted Anna Visi or something? I also didn't know that Bjork had a new album coming out this month, which is very exciting, but not on topic, so I'll save that for later.

There were a few sour notes, particularly the disruptive and incongruous "message from the international space station". Yes, one Russian and one American living in harmony. And what was with that guy's hair? Gianna Angelopoulos' speech was frightening, particularly with all those Evita/Stalin-like hand gestures she's picked up. And how much work has she had done? She can barely smile. But the Olympics is not about plastic surgery - it's about nations coming together etc. And as cynical as I am about the whole thing, I almost shed a tear 'cause it was just so cool. I'm not actually watching the Olympics though. Well not the sports anyway.

And another thing. I'm sick of Jana Pittman and her "destiny" to win gold. The most cringe-worthy moment so far in this whole drama was in a news story about how she was listening to tapes designed for cancer sufferers in order to heal her knee. The footage, however, was of a reclining Jana listening to her ipod, which the camera lingered on obsessively, highlighting the prominent Apple logo. See, this is what shits me about sports. Athletes win one race (or not, as it may be in Jana's case), become heroes, and then remain heroes as they spend the rest of their lives promoting weight-loss centres/ breakfast cereals/ herbal vitamins/ magnetic therapy etc. etc. So, basically, sports bad, opening ceremony good. And I'm done.

Am re-watching Elephant and I don't know how I missed this before, but the photography kid is wearing a silver fork as a bracelet/wrist cuff. That is so cool.

Man, I had such a great time at Amy's drinks. Quality laughs and incredulous mocking consternation with Richard and Leah. Seriously excellent bitchin hilarity.

For anyone who is interested, the Village Voice has an interesting article about Kabbalah. Anyway, the method of teaching/healing reminded me a bit of the movie Safe, what with the "You're in control of your life, it's your own fault, if you have a cold it means something's wrong spiritually" deal. I mean, who is really going to stick around upon hearing a message like "If you go to all the classes and make a donation and you get cancer, that's because when you were scanning the Zohar, you were not truly feeling it in your heart"? Increasing amounts of people, it seems. Anyway, my favourite part of the article was when this wife was telling the story about her now ex-husband getting really into Kabbalah, the symptoms of which were "keeping a Zohar in his car, praying throughout the day and boring friends with talk of Kabbalah." Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! Anyway, I've come to a decision about my life. I've decided that I am never going to have a drug problem or any kind of emotional problems or a 'need for spirituality' crisis or anything like that, because the only avenues for treatment seem without exception to turn one into an unbearable crashing bore.

My favourite sentence for today comes from Defamer:
"Tom Cruise loves to fuck women so much that he just might explode into a heterosexual flurry of litigation at any moment..."
GOLD! Raahahaha! Gold gold GOLD!

P.S. By the way, yesterday I officially joined the tweed blazer wearing fashion victim set... for 25 bucks! So far, I'm brazenly unremorseful about it. You can all judge me on Thursday night.

The dude is not getting any less bonkers. From today's Age comes this bit of nonsense:

" There is no point taxing the rich because they just dodge their tax bill anyway, President George Bush said.

'Real rich people figure out how to dodge taxes,' Mr Bush said on Monday during a campaign stop in suburban Washington.

Mr Bush's Democratic rival in the November election, John Kerry, has pledged to scrap the President's tax cuts for the wealthiest people in an attempt to rein in the record budget deficit.

'You've got to be careful about this rhetoric - we're only going to tax the rich. You know who the rich in America happen to be, the small business owners,' Mr Bush said. "

Oh dude. Like, what the hell? Let's just disregard for the moment, as Bush has, that maybe some rich people make their money in large corporations, not small businesses. Still, what is the point he is trying to make? Is he saying Kerry is a bad man who wants to slug hard-working small business owners for more tax, or is he saying that small business owners are evil tax dodgers and Kerry is naive to think he can get any money out of their greedy little hands? Whatever, all he's managed to do is talk about something that really pisses people off [that is, rich people not paying taxes], and then, instead of following it up with something logical like, "As President, I will do my best to pass legislation that will close the loopholes" or whatever, he swings around like a crazy man and makes what I assume is an attack except that it makes no sense. I just don't get this guy.

Just came back from The Libertines and oh man it was so fantastic! The first few songs weren't really kicking but then they sang the new one Can't Stand Me Now and the level just lifted and everything was marvellous after that. And the crowd around us were retarded but there were so many comic moments of loserdom that it just improved my mood even more. Man, I can't remember being so blissfully happy and relaxed and not at all anxious at a gig before. Gold gold gold. And their new material sounds really totally excellent. And Carl Barat is lovely isn't he? Ooooh, it was just so damn great!

The support band were The Pictures, who replaced The Cops, filling the spot at the last minute. They won me over early on with some great guitar and rocking-ness, and they had a really cool attitude and effortless natural rock moves. The lead guy is in You Am I isn't he? Anyway, a good sort. Quite a rocking three-piece. Like em.

But oh man, The Libertines! Hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee....

My new favourite cartoon at Perth Rock City is Video Twat. It is pure gold.

This opinion piece from The Age by our former ambassador to Iraq is quite a good little reality check about the war. There's also this article about Howard's response to the call for 'truth in government' with 43 ex-senior official dudes as signatories. Funniest part of the article is this sentence in which Grattan/Forbes capture Howards's response;

"Mr Howard said the criticism over Iraq was 'repetitious'."

Larf! However, Robert Manne's piece about Latham and the forthcoming election is a less nice reality check. It's a really good piece and accurate and with credible analysis and all that, it's just that he predicts that Howard will be returned to government, and, like him, I really hope he's wrong. Because Howard sucks. And I don't get why people would vote for him or why he has won support by doing some of the horrible things he's done. Anyway, the bit in Manne that goes "under Howard the Coalition has captured a considerable part of the working class through its victories in the culture wars over issues such as asylum seekers, Aboriginal land rights and law and order" is really disheartening to me. First of all, I don't like it that it's always the working class who gets blamed for switching allegiances to the party that's using racism and fear and general shittiness in its campaign. I don't think the middle class is free from this charge at all, but we don't seem to bear the brunt of it, and I don't think that's fair. But generally I trust Manne to know about this culture war shit because he has been fighting on the opposite side to Howard, and apparently losing despite the clarity and correctness of his arguments and the shamefulness and deceptiveness of those of the other side. Anyway, I still find it quite incomprehensible that people, whatever class, have been moved to support Howard because he has been at the helm for such 'victories' as a) an expensively mean exercise against desperate people fleeing serious shit, calling them liars and locking them up and traumatising them only to find that, hey, most of them really are refugees requiring asylum, not 'queue-jumpers' or 'boat people' or 'possibly terrorists', b) the continued and growing resistance to granting our indigenous population recognition of their rights, with toxic public denial about australia's history, and with Howard conducting himself with horrid pettiness when making policy or public statements about aboriginal issues, and approving of the same conduct in others, and c) the move away from the 'let the punishment fit the crime and hey, what about rehabilitation' ethic of sentencing towards a more 'populist' lynch mob kind of deal that nevertheless gives the state more power over sentencing and takes discretion away from judges, [breathe] not to mention all that shit providing increased powers to search and detain and trample on people's rights in response to terrorism, blah.

Sure, I don't know half of what I'm supposed to know about this stuff, but oh man, we've had conservative government since 1996 people. That's EIGHT YEARS! That's SHOCKING! That's a hell of a lot of time to move in the wrong direction, for a lack of progress on national maturity issues flagged under Keating, like a Bill of Rights, reconciliation, becoming a republic, and so forth. Please, WE CAN'T have another three years. That's just too terrifying a prospect.

Miss Teen USA was on yesterday, but as I was out experiencing high-brow cinema at the time, I had to tape it. Having watched it last night I would have to say that my favourite moment was when Miss Nevada was asked why her brother was her hero and she replied,

"He's in the United States Airforce and he is putting his line on the life for me and everybody as well and I think he is such a hero to me and it's such a personal experience and it really hits home so hi Brian at home I love you."

Such simple mix ups are so amusing, especially when delivered so earnestly. Ah, I love beauty pageants. I don't understand them, but I have to watch them. What is the point of them? That is my main perplexion. How can the 'celebrity' judging panel possibly make an informed decision about who is the best girl based on watching her walk around on a stage and aswering, ooooh, ONE question? [I love how the hosts always go "oooh, now for the really hard part... The final question" and are like 'phew' because they're glad they don't have to do something so damn tough]. Also, what does winning professional representation, the opportunity to do magazine shoots, and $2500 worth of free spray-on tanning have to do with representing the interests of America's teens? I was just wondering.

Anyway, speaking of mixed up speech puts me in mind of that 'so funny cos it's true' Bush gaffe from last week. You know, when he went,

"Our enemies are innovative and resourceful, and so are we"... [pause for emphasis and look strong]... "They never stop thinking about new ways to harm our country and our people... [another strong assured pause]... and neither do we."

Ahahaha! Oh you gotta hear it. It's so hilarious the way he says it. It's right up there with my favourite Bush gaffe ever, which went,

"Those of us who have spent some time in the agricultural sector and in the heartland understand how unfair the death penalty is ... the death tax is, and we need to get rid of it."

Yes, yes you do.

Like Elanor, I went off to watch My Foetus. I thought it was excellent, managing to avoid sensationalism while not brushing over the confronting, horrible aspects of the issue. It'll be interesting to see what others think.

Went to see The Five Obstructions today at the film festival. It was fantastic. I really loved it. Lars von Trier getting his mentor Jorgen Leth to remake one of his old films, The Perfect Human, and abiding by all these tricky new rules, or 'obstructions', set by Lars. It was funny and interesting and cool. Two highly intelligent and skilled men in a creative battle. Really really cool. Did I mention it was cool? Definitely go and see it if you can.

Then I went to see I'll Sleep When I'm Dead, about which I had high hopes, considering it contains yummy men. Clive Owen, Jonathan Rhys Meyers. Mmmmm goodness. However, quite a crap film. The story didn't really have any credibility. Also, sorry, but you can't kill off Jonathan Rhys Meyers early in a film, ever. Even if his death is the wellspring of the story. The story was crap anyway, so very uncalled for. Some guy out of nowhere takes a dislike to Jonathan and so decides to rape him? What's up with that? I sat through the film at least hoping to get an explanation as to why Malcolm Macdowell had gone to so much trouble, organising henchmen and tip-offs in order to rape Jonathan, and then when we finally get an explanation as to why, it's just a load of crap, far too calmly delivered by a man with a gun pointed at his head. The film was just dumb like that, and not underworldy at all. Actually there was all this underworld stuff going on but it petered and had no point whatsoever as regarded the story, except for being the milieu. Anyway, unsatisfying, disappointing and other pejoratives. In a word, no.

Anyway, off to watch abortions.

And so it grows... Anita has joined the blog fold with her newly launched The Leftorium, where you can find a delightful pic of David Hasselhoff. Which reminds me, a little bird told me last night that Mark Holden was writing songs for one of Hass's last albums, which in a way, makes total sense...

Videohits Beef

Two things. Firstly, Usher is a complete tosser loser. He is totally walkingall over his ex, Chilli (of TLC fame), while trying to seem like some bleeding-heart, confessional type (his new single is called Confessions II). Like, this whole album he has been whining on about how he cheated, about how he regrets it, about how he should be forgiven blah blah, while prancing round with his shirt off being a total miva (male diva). It all seems rather false, and he seems like a self-indulgent careerist tosser.

Second thing: Cosima's new clip. Oh my god, it's bad. Not in a cheap and nasty way, but in a tasteless and crass way. Like when that final key change kicks in they actually cut to her on a cliff top, by the sea, with her arms wide open and wind blowing through her hair (wearing some strange shawl that makes her look like a widow). So with this new entry, the Aus Idol I Taste Ladder reads as follows:

1. Paulini Boring, but classy. Classic Sony.
2. Guy Sebastian Seems more talented than his material. Next album should be better.
3. Shannon Noll / Cosima (tie) Shannon's a no-talent who's been managed brilliantly. No such luck with Cosima's independent record deal.
4. Rob Mills Tosser.

I haven't actually seen Courtney Act's song, so I can't really comment, but don't really expect much.

Checked out Blog Patrol for recent searchterms leading people to this site, and somebody had googled "Bill Clinton and Kabbalah Bracelet on Letterman" to get here. In the interests of truth and accuracy, can I just say that Bill Clinton does not wear a Kabbalah bracelet. The thing he sports on his wrist, [which, by the by, makes his hands look rather fetching... Oh god. Am I finally turning into one of those Clinton-crushers?] was revealed in his interview with Denton to be "a welcome bracelet from Colombia. It was given to me by children who sing and dance for peace against the narco-traffickers and their guerilla supporters who control one-third of Colombia." Perhaps just as wanky as a Kabbalah bracelet, perhaps not. Whatever, that's the deal. Consider yourselves suitably informed.

I was reading Time magazine and in the midst of this article I found something really strange.... BONKERS actually. See, the Time story was about Bush's new election strategy blah blah blah, but it also had parts about how his advisers and campaign strategists were watching Kerry's convention speech. Like, they were all watching it closely and conference calling one another and exchanging notes about how to respond to it and so forth, which was all quite normal, I felt. But then there was this bit of information [below], which struck me as totally odd. See if you agree, but I found it quite confounding and bizarre. It went;

'On Air Force One the day after Kerry spoke in Boston, aides described for the President, who hadn't watched the address, the Democrat's line of attack, including his claim that he would always fund U.S troops. Afterward, Bush asked to pump up the portion of his stump speech that lampooned Kerry's explanation of his vote against the $87 billion to fund the U.S. occupation of Iraq. "There is nothing complicated about supporting our troops in combat," Bush said at stops in Missouri and Michigan.'

Whaaaa? Bush didn't even watch the speech? Um, let me repeat, with added incredulity: Bush didn't even watch the speech?! What the hell is that about? I'm sorry, but I think that's really really weird, even for him. It's just incomprehensible and singularly inattentive in the extreme. Like, this was the speech in which Kerry accepted his party's nomination to be Bush's opponent. That's not a small fry thing. It's a game on big time thing. It's action stations, people. So seriously, isn't it totally weird not to watch something that so directly relates to you, the content of which you will be dealing with for the next few months as you campaign against this one guy for the same job? My dad says it's not weird, it's just Bush putting distance between himself and Kerry, not 'dignifying' his opponent with any undue attention, or whatever. But, if that is Bush's reasoning, I think it's transparently ridiculous, especially considering that a) he immediately reacted to Kerry's speech [once made aware of its content] by making an alteration to his own, b) his staff were watching it really intently, and c) he was no doubt aware that he will be referring back to statements made by Kerry during this convention speech as the election campaign continues. I mean, Bush is clearly not going to ignore this speech. He's gonna be using Kerry's stuff in the debates and ads and all that, so why not watch the damn thing himself? Why not trust his own perspective, bring his own ideas and instincts and initial reactions to bear upon the buzzing mix of talk about how to deal with, respond to, or spin the thing? I'm just baffled. I mean, in the end, this race comes down to him and this one other guy. He's gonna have to take him on, spar with him, interact with him. So like, shouldn't he take a personal interest? Aren't there at least some things that come down to him and him alone, like sizing up his opponent's performance at a major moment? Instead of having his aides describe it to him! Seriously dude. That's just BONKERS!

That 4 Corners story on Monday about the Australia-US Free Trade Agreement was really good. No re-enactments. No emotive music. Just good clean insight. Check out the transcript if you missed it.

Major points for the lazy:
- Our Pharmaceutical Benefits Scheme is really ace. World's best practice and all that. People wish they had our scheme.

- The argument that we should give up our PBS because "Somebody has to pay for the research and development of these miracle drugs" [Senator Jon Kyl] and "Australia's freeloading" [Kevin Hassett, American Enterprise Institute] with pharmaceutical companies taking all this risk 'innovating' on our behalf, is a crock, especially considering that they spend way more on lobbying and advertising than R&D, and that the actual R&D is done in publicly funded academic institutions and then bought by the companies for a song.

- Ignore the talk about how "Foreign governments, with their socialised medicine, are destroying innovation." Because such talk comes from disreputable places like the American Enterprise Institute. Dickheads! No matter what they, just know that WE'RE NOT DODGY! And don't let anyone tell you different. We're cool. All our PBS board does is consider whether 'new' drugs are actually new, and if they're not new they just price them the same as the other drugs already out there that do the same job. It's not evil.

- The Free Trade Agreement will quite possibly fuck up our PBS. Our sweet sweet PBS.

- Heaps of people are full of shit. And heaps of people aren't.

So yesterday I finally turned up to a class I've skipped for the first three weeks of uni. I just couldn't seem to get up on the first Tuesday, and then on the second Tuesday I couldn't either, and on the third Tuesday I withdrew from the world under the weight of the dread of having to explain my previous absences. Man, tiny little things can really shake my equilibrium. Like making phonecalls to switch a shift for work. The dread is completely disproportionate to the task, considering that it never turns out to be an unpleasant experience. But still, the dread is there every time. Anyway, so yesterday I went to the lecture and tute for this Media Law subject I'd been skipping. I didn't know what I was going to say to my tutor other than, 'Nice to meet you finally'. But I had read all the chapters from the text book and the lecture was fine and interesting, and given by a lecturer who kinda knows me because I went to his office to get the course guide and some details about an assignment we had to do the other week for this subject [which I actually handed in on time, still not having attended any classes] and while I was there he said, "Oh, you're studying Journalism right?" And I was like "Yeah". And then I realised he was the dude who had interviewed me for the course and had probably recommended my acceptance to it, because I got in. And he was like "Yeah, I remember you from the interview." So now I'm like, "Oh shit, I can't fuck up this class. I cannot be a dumbarse at any point." So I guess that added to my angst for skipping the third Tuesday. Anyway, I went yesterday, and the lecture was just as harmless as everything else I get het up about. Although I was trying to stay below the radar there was one point at which he asked if anyone had seen Gigli and I said "Yes" in a normal tone, which was nonetheless amplified by the deathly silence of the rest of the room. And all eyes swivelled to me, and lecturer man laughed and went "Okay, one person has seen it." And then showed some of the scathing reviews and talked about how these were defensible acts of defamation because they come under the umbrella of 'fair comment'. So the easy part, the lecture part, was over. Now came the tute. I had no idea what I was going to say. But in the end I didn't have to say anything, because my tutor's kid was sick so she had stayed home to care for him [note to self; your tutor is a woman], and so the same lecturer dude was taking our tute. And how was he to know who had been there before and who hadn't? Score! But then when he was taking the roll and me and this other girl said our names he went, "Oh, I've got your assignments. I marked them because you hadn't put your tutor's name on the cover sheet." And we were like, "Uh, yeah. That's because we didn't know her name......yet." BUSTED! [Note to self; still don't know my tutor's name. She is female, though.] Also, I was going to myself, "Oh SHIT! Worst luck ever." My most stupid half-arsed assignment ever [explaining what 'plagiarism' is. I mean, how shit is that? You can only stretch a definition so far! What were they thinking?] was marked by the guy who got me into the course. I am completely sure he's having doubts now. I was cringing badly. But the tute went fine. I mean, having not been there for the first three, I had planned to sit back and observe how things worked, like who were the main players and all that. But no-one was saying anything to break the silences that followed his questions, so I found myself being first responder just to break the awkwardness. So Tuesday went fine. I broke through that anti-Tuesday barrier. I know this is boring as heck for you all, but this reckless absence thing had actually been playing on my mind for a few weeks. Such powerful guilt and dread. Anyway, now I just have to worry about next week.

After uni I had quite a few hours to spare before Marty's birthday drinks. Like, six hours. So I killed a few of them at the computer lab trying to write up a prac piece. No joy, but I managed to marshal the necessary components. And then Ska Boy #1 popped up for a chat. I still think that's weird. And then I checked the session times for Spiderman 2 and found it was playing at 4.50pm which would be perfect for getting to Marty's at 8pm. And then my face kind of twitched as the thought PRESENT exploded in my brain. So I high-tailed it outta there to do some thoughtful shopping. Actually, it was more of an instinctual snap-decision shop. And then Spiderman 2. Which was totally fantastic! Like, I really didn't love the first one at all. It kinda sucked badly, especially on a second viewing. But this sequel is awesome! The villain was so shit in the last one. But this Doc Oc villain was so cool. And Tobey rules. Mmmmm, I love him. And he is so perfectly cast for this. Yeah. A really really cool movie. And satisfying.

Then I went to Marty's for a little bit, which was really nice and I hope you had a great birthday. Then I pissed off to the film festival to watch Head-On, that German movie that won prizes at the Berlin Film Festival. It was really fantastic, especially the first hour. The first hour was just wonderful and spirited and cool. And the characters were great and crazy-cool, especially the dude. He was also totally hot, in that grizzled old man kind of way. Think Bob Geldof but totally totally hot. And it was all going swimmingly until about halfway through the movie when this thing happened that interrupted how things were going just as they were about to go really well. And so then it was just not as fun because it didn't turn out how it was gonna turn out. And that was sad. But still an excellent film. And ohmygod the soundtrack! AMAZING! So fucking great. Best use of Depeche Mode ever in a film! Actually, any use of Depeche Mode is an instant boon. Filmmakers take note. Ooh, I really want that soundtrack, if there is one. Fantastic!

So that was Tuesday. Quite full. Maybe I should do them more often.

I just love ET's Cojo, and not only for the way he mouths the name "Courtney COXXX". Today I was won over by his take on the Democratic National Convention, and "all the fashion highlights", like red dress #1, #2 and #3. While on the topic I actually think Kerry's wife looks pretty great, and seems pretty fabulous, in a fabulous darlink kind of way. I'm sure she'd be a party drinker, wheras Laura Bush seems like a secret boozer, pushing the pain right down to the tips of her toes etc etc. It would be cool to have someone fabulous in the White House.

MEANWHILE can Ben Affleck please STAY AWAY from politics. He could seriously lose Kerry the election - doesn't Affleck get that we don't like him. We being I.

I was prepared to accept that Richard Wilkins' genes were going to be passed on to the next generation only because they might be tempered by Collette Dinnigan's. But oh the horror upon finding out that he has already reproduced five times before this one! Wrong.

Went to see Anatomy of Hell today during my break. Oh god it was crap. So boring and pointless. And the speech was so shallow but taking itself so seriously ponderousness. Christ! Ergh. Don't bother. If you wanna see a good Catherine Breillat film, go and rent A Ma Soeur, which was pretty cool.

Haha! Just bought Libertines tickets! Glee! They weren't sold out after all! Er, confirmation pending on that purchase, but whatever. I'm happy for the moment. Also, I totally agree with Erin when she says that "there might be more to life than goin to a shitload of gigs, but at the moment I can't really think of what they are". Damn straight.

Why on earth would Eric Bana sign up to be the next Bond? It's such a shit franchise. So lame and crappy and creepy. As if women would ever go for that guy! I still get creeped out remembering that 'witty exchange' between Pierce Brosnan and Halle Berry on the beach where he somehow charms her 'feisty independent' character into bed by acting like a seedy old man and saying he's an 'ornithologist'. Ew. Shudder. If I remember correctly, he was supposed to be setting himself apart from all the other sleazoids on the beach, but only managed to reinforce his absolute similarity to them, especially in that crappy sleazoid shirt and with those crappy sleazoid smarmy lines. Yuck! Same goes for every other 'witty' seduction ever made by a Bond. That character is so not suave. And shut up about Sean Connery already, you Connery-loving freaks. He's crap! That's right, you heard me. Crap crap crap crap crap. Ever was and ever shall be. Oh why would Eric do it? Didn't he get that all the 'hip & down with the young folk' actors of his generation were turning down the Bond role for a reason? Because it's utter shit and annoying and lame and all their female friends would kill them if they did it? Disappointing, Eric. We can only hope for some serious ironic revision if; a) Bana is to avoid being irretrievably shamed, erm, again and b) we are to be amused.