Aw crap! You know how we were all excited about the hot, dusty cowboy sex between Jake Gyllenhaal and Heath Ledger in the forthcoming Brokeback Mountain? Well, apparently, it ain't gonna happen. Gawker quotes Ang Lee as saying, "two men herding sheep was far more sexual than two men having sex on screen". Um, no. Give us the hot dusty Jake cowboy sex!

I'm sick, so I feel perfectly within my rights to while away an afternoon listening to CDs rather than doing my crap essay. So, the Modest Mouse album is totally great. The last few songs kinda don't match the kick ass of the rest of the album, but still, it really really kicks ass. Wait, strike that. Am listening to the last few again, and they also rule. Everything rules. It's all kinda excitingly idiosyncratic, or offbeat, or whatever. Sometimes reminds me of the Flaming Lips, sometimes the White Stripes, but still very much its own thing. Standouts are plentiful, but I defy you not to exclaim and grin and share an appreciative nod with whoever is around you at the greatness of Bury Me With It and, as previously mentioned, Satin In A Coffin. Damn! This album is really really great. Also listened to PJ Harvey's new one. What can I say? It's PJ! She rules. I can't believe she's only playing Byron Bay and nowhere else. The album kinda sounds more like earlier stuff, kinda stripped back and, you know, wrenching and stuff. Oh man, everything she does is wonderful. Oh PJ, please come to Melbourne! I implore you.

Watched Honey on the weekend. Now I can't stop saying "That's hot" or "Your flava's hot" and then giggling maniacally. Still, for a dance movie, it was way better than I expected.

Um, so the Perth restaurant won My Restaurant Rules last night. Which I just don't understand. I mean, I know it was a popularity contest so the result would not necessarily reflect which restaurant was the best, but, um, how could such annoying, ugly losers as those associated with the Perth restaurant possibly win a popularity contest? Their restaurant totally sucking is beside the point. What I want to know is, what on earth was likeable about them? Makes no sense. So wrong. I mean, they were so ugly. The restaurant was ugly, the staff were ugly, the staff uniforms were ugly [blergh, those off-the-shoulder dun coloured tops for the waitressess, shudder], that Ash loser dude was ugly. OH MY GOD he was just so painful to watch. I mean, he kept banging on and on and on about crap, and deploying lame and incredibly boring jingoism talk and some parochialism bizzo. I can't believe people bought it. It was all so very much about him. Why did people look to him as a leader? How could they stand to be around him for extended periods of time as he went on and on and on and on and on and on? I have spent every Sunday night for the past few months just yelling "SHUT UP! Shut the fuck up!" at the TV. Ew. So very painful. Apparently there was a 'cult of personality' around Ash, and I just don't understand what people liked about him. Why would people warm to a guy who says "Go on, ya Anzac"? What the fuck does that mean? I would be more outraged right now except that I feel so damn sick. Ogh, how my bones ache. Have been suppressing puke all day, which didn't make my three-hour exam this morning very pleasant. So to cut to the final verdict on the result, I'll just quote Erin. She SMSed me on Sunday night asking who had won, and when I messaged back "Fuckin Perth won", she came back with "Oh fuck! That's shit". Precisely baby.

Ooh, speaking of people banging on and on and on at you about shit, watched Converting Newcastle on Compass last night. Ew, so very awkward. Man, evangelists are preachy.

NO! NOOOOOOOO!!!! Please NO! Aaaaaghh! Waaaaaa! [cursing, bawling and general inconsolability]... IT CAN'T BE TRUE! Julian is engaged?! Sob. Shudder. Retch. Freak out. But he's my man!

Ah crap! This story in today's Australian had better not be true. My god, it's barely been days since they were rocking out their fucking greatness at their Melbourne gig. Is it possible that I witnessed the last great shake of The Vines? I mean, that would be cool and all, but like, I'd prefer it if they were just happy, great and rockin, like they were on Wednesday.

That iPod ad is just taunting me now. It's already been on about three times this morning. Man! I was all set for a Vines revival. Reversal of fortunes etc.

Nah. I'm sure everything's alright. I mean, what would The Australian know anyway? I mean, that story's about a web rumour, quoting fan forums. Um, helloo! What the hell does that mean? Nothin! And why would I trust The Australian at all? A-holes. Am currently feeling enraged after reading this stinking pile of dumbarse crap. The "Gay marriage not needed" title caught my eye. Grrrr. Spluttered over my coffee. So much of it was offensive to me. From the first sentence, "Homosexual Australians had a big practical win and a small symbolic defeat this week", to the last, "They may not be married under the law but surely how they, and the people in their lives, perceive their relationship is what matters most." Grrrrrrr!

See, the government has announced legislation to allow superannuation to pass to a same sex partner without penalty tax. Wow. News like that enriches the soul, don't it? But The Australian chides that this great leap forward, "was not enough to stop gay activist outrage at other government decisions, to forbid legally recognised gay marriages and to prevent Australian recognition of the adoption of children by same sex couples in other countries." Tsk tsk. Damn gay activists! Here we are, ushering in an enlightened new era of superannuation legislation and they're banging on about piddling little things like being able to get married and adopt children! Those gays! How ungrateful! You try to be nice to people! But they won't be happy until things actually change! This is strike three for The Australian. George Pell, Janet Albrechtsen, and now an anonymous staff hack making the same 'accepting' and 'not-hateful-or-discriminatory-at-all' case, which, nonetheless, lacks acceptance and pointedly celebrates discrimination. We might almost call that 'routine' prejudice, except that "The days when gays and lesbians were routinely subjected to blatant prejudice in the courts and community are over". Yep, sooo over. Was also annoyed/amused at the lame and shallow attempt at pre-emptively debunking the opposing argument, with the sentence "Gays who argue this is demeaning and unjust should get over it." Like, talk to the hand, yo! This annoyed me until I realised that, HA! That means I don't have to get over it at all! I'm free to say "this is demeaning and unjust" to my heart's content. Yay! THIS IS DEMEANING AND UNJUST. Just another perk of being straight. I can also get married, and even adopt children if I want to. And "social engineers on the bench" be damned! Hee hee. For any American readers, this is the Australian way of saying "activist judges".

I just went to this site and apparently I'm going to die on Wednesday, November 24, 2055. Clear your diary for that week, folks. You're gonna be inconsolable.

News just in to tickle your fancy. My ma returned from her sojourn in Europe today. She bumped into Thorpie in Florence. And I mean, she actually bumped into him. She was walking along and, like, bam! She came up against a huge manly torso. My first question was, "What was he wearing?" She said he was wearing a grey hoody thing. And I was like, "Was he wearing any pearls? Could you see his underwear?" And she just looked at me funny and continued her story. She said she was in the midst of apologising to this giant stranger for bumping into him when he started saying "Oh no. That's alright". And because they were both speaking in Australian accents they looked at each other in laughing relief, but then as soon as their eyes met, my mum went "Oh", recognising him. And then he went, "Oh", realising he had been recognised. And then they both just cut and ran. Well, walked. It sounded like a funny little meeting. I was laughing, anyway.

Mostly an excuse to post some graphics, but here's the aforementioned Clockwork Orange Kylie... Sorry bout this Elanor... 

Right. Pharrell Williams in this month's Q Magazine:

Q: Why is the new NERD album called Fly or Die?
Our hearts went out to the soldiers in Iraq who never had a chance to spend Christmas with their families. They might not agree with what they have to do. They didn't have a choice. Thing is, if a helicopter is crashing then you can't even eject outta that shit. The blades are gonna chop you to pieces. That's fucked up. Unless you can eject your ass out sideways. But fly or die is a life motto. You gotta take the risk and achieve something or... die.

Q: You're not on drugs, are you?
Never have, never will.

Went to The Vines gig earlier tonight. OHMYGOD! They were fucking great! And if any of you fuckers are sitting there judging me for liking them, get lost. You're a loser. I am not going to be polite and accomodating about it anymore. No longer will I stay a closeted Vines freak. I'M OUT, BABY! And I'm not apologising for it either. Cos I'M RIGHT! The Vines are great! If I needed proof, tonight provided. I always used to figure that people had a reason for dissing them, and was prepared to accept that they just had different, equally reasonable, opinions, even if it all sounded phooey to me. Maybe they had a bad live experience or they for some unkown reason didn't dig the albums. And because most of them were so forceful and certain about it, to any "The Vines suck" talk, I'd just respond sheepishly, "Well, I like them." And I considered that brave. I even started thinking, "maybe they're just an okay band, rather than a good one". I wasn't even really revved for tonight's concert, so doubtful had I become of a band that had never given me any cause for doubt. Anyway, now I'm reborn. Last time I saw them they were good, but OH MY LORD, I cannot begin to express to you how GREAT this gig was. It was like, sooo great! I mean, that is just a fact. No subjectivity here. They were on fire. I can't even pinpoint a single highlight because the whole night was a highlight! From the moment they got on stage, every moment was glorious! Holy fuck!

Okay that's not strictly true. I mean, they were glorious for every moment, but not every moment was glorious for me. The support bands were okay, pretty alright. Youth Group was the better one, with some beauty and some rockin, so I might keep an eye on them. Not a devotee yet, though. So that part of the evening wasn't particularly glorious. The Vines blew everyone out of the water, which kinda made up for it. Another inglorious bit for me came the moment the boys hit the stage, when a mass of people rushed up and I got slammed, suddenly finding myself in the middle of an intense mosh crush. It seemed way more intense than usual. So, for the first few minutes while The Vines were up on stage being brilliant, I was concentrating on keeping my footing. Also, some dude was thrusting into my ass. I spent a little time trying to decide if his vigourous thrusts were intentional, or if they were just an unlucky side-effect of the moshing action. Then I realised, "Hey, moshing is a vertical movement, what the hell is his pelvis doing coming at my ass?" [It was like that 'energiser bunny' kind of thing.] Ratbag. I busted my way out of there to the side, and the night got immediately better. It was all good from there. And it was all sooo good! Especially as I could now actually see the band. Holy shit, Craig's voice. AMAZING! Um, just everything. AMAZING! A good time was had by one and all, methinks. The band too. I mean, why wouldn't they enjoy being shit-hot? But you never know. I reckon they were having fun though, because when Craig spazzed out a little and knocked over Patrick's microphone, Patrick actually smiled, which I took as a good sign. I don't know how many times I can say how great this gig was, but ohymgod, it was so great! Dudes, I was BEAMING all the way through it. And if anyone wants to hang shit on me for liking The Vines and enjoying myself silly at their gig, you can't have been there so shut up! No, don't shut up. BRING IT! I'll take you all on because now I've got certitude. That's it. They're amazing. End of story! Man, I really can't believe how good they were. Honestly, I wasn't expecting that level of fantastic-ness. I heard they were shit on Rove or something. But Jesus, tonight totally fucking RULED!
You know, aside from the ass-pumping. SHITHEAD!

Yep, Elanor's initial verdict was spot on - Something About Miriam is extremely boring. The one funny bit was when they tried to have their own generic reality-show "eviction" moment, with the guys lined up, Miriam passing judgement and that "dramatic cliffhanger" music playing. It totally tanked mostly because Miriam seems only able to make vapid, insipid comments ("I like you"). But I guess that's not the point of the show, which as yet hasn't been "revealed". Yet if the point is the final episode, why should we bother sitting through the other eleven or so?

A few days ago I linked to that article in The Australian about Michael Moore, and have since copped some flak for it - flak which, now that I think about it, is deserved. See, truth be told, I felt like I should blog something, so it was after a hasty read-over that I linked it. What I agreed with was the assertion that Moore, in drawing broad connections between disparate political and cultural phenomena, sometimes gets his facts wrong -like implying that because there was a Boeing plant (which actually made weather balloons) near Columbine, arms manufacture was somehow implicated in creating the culture that made the shootings possible (which it may well have been, but its a hard thing to prove). I think Moore veers towards the symbolic, and the facts sometimes come second. But on reflection, this isn't necessarily the worst thing in the world. Like Ruth suggested in the comments section, really, Moore's written books and movies that are supposed to push a broad political message through observation and humour - whatever the facts, at least he's making people question the nature of modern America. And if the agenda is to boot out Bush, then whatever way he's gonna help get that done almost justifies itself. So I guess the whole thrust of the article, in trying to undermine Moore by pointing to factual errors, kinda misses the point. I also failed to notice the strong racist undertones ("medieval reactionary force") tucked in there. So anyway, this is totally self-important, but just letting people know that I haven't yet been seduced by The Australian, which is, of course, the home of my good friend, Janet Albrechtsen...

Ha ha ha. Some hapless Channel 7 sports reporter had to do a live cross on tonight's news, to "reveal" that "a Hawthorn football player" will "tomorrow reveal" that he suffers from depression. The reporter then went on to describe depression, and its symptoms using sports terminology: it was to be "tackled"; Beyondblue promotes "anti-depression and other tactics"; one in six men, "some of these possibly sportsmen", may suffer from depression... oh man, classic train-wreck live TV. Meanwhile, now that I think about it, why do we need a live cross (from some random Southgate locale) to give us advanced warning about a mildly significant event, that will happen tomorrow? Reminds me of Channel 10's dodgy live feeds from various locations within a five minute radius of their South Yarra HQ...

Have spent the afternoon listening to The Von Bondies' first album, Lack of Communication, which I bought today. Man, I really love it. Brings back all these memories of their gig. I think it's a really great album, too. Maybe not as good as their second one, but a definite keeper. Hey, I think that brings my tally of Jack White-produced albums to three. Last year I got the Whirlwhind Heat album [it rules] and then I got Loretta yesterday [rules] and the first Von Bondies one today [rules]. Huh. Jack rules. Today I also bought an MC5 album. It's called Back in The USA. Did I get a good one? I suppose I'll find out when I listen to it. Am gonna buy the Modest Mouse album tomorrow. I really like that Satin Covered Coffin song, you know, that goes, like, "Are you dead or are you sleepin? Are you dead or are you sleepin? Are you dead or are you sleepin? Well I sho hope you are dead." Yeah. I really like that song. Heard it on Letterman. I was listening to the rest of the album on the earphones in the HMV store today, and that clinched it. I wanted to buy it but I'd already spent all the money I had on me at JB Hi-Fi. Guess I'll just get it tomorrow. Still haven't been able to listen to The Zutons album. Stupid stereo is anti-Zutons for some reason. She'll play everything else but them. Weird. She let me listen to Patti Smith's album, though, and it rules big time. BIG TIME!

Oh man, I've got Loretta on in the background. SO great! Goddamn!

Went to sleep at 9.30 last night after not going to bed the night before, and have just woken up from that nap to study for test today. Even with only four hours sleep, I feel really refreshed. So of course am procrastinating. Anyway, yesterday, I went on a CD buying binge. I think I did good. I got Loretta Lynn's new one, and I have loved as much of it as I have heard so far. Yay. I also got Cut Copy's album. Also loved it. I can't believe these guys are from Melbourne. Anyway, the album's ace. Also got a best of Cheap Trick album. Fucking gold. Oh my god do I love that If You Want My Love song. Have had it in my head for the last few days, since I heard it playing as the credits rolled on Joe Dirt. Man, I love Cheap Trick. What else did I get? Oh yeah. Patti Smith's new one. I haven't listened to it yet, but I heard the song Jubilee on Letterman and really loved it. Am assuming that this album will be great. Am also assuming that The Zutons album will be great. I tried to play it but my stereo wasn't recognising it, so I'll have to wait until it's in a better mood. I love that Pressure Point song and I also love the fact that one of The Zutons is the brother of The Stands lead singer, Howie Payne. That's just nice. They also seem to know The Coral, which only bodes well. So yeah, I did good. Was thinking about getting some other things, like an MC5 album, a Soledad Brothers album, and that Ryan Adams one, Love Is Hell, that has just been released as one whole album rather than two. Maybe next time. I'm not sure if I've ever heard any MC5 songs, or any by the Soledad Brothers either. And I don't yet own a Ryan Adams album. I just feel like all these guys might be something special. It felt silly to be considering buying things I didn't even know that I would like. So I didn't buy them. But I do feel like I should check all of them out. I liked that Ryan Adams album Leah played in the car once. I think it was a really early one. I considered buying a Whiskeytown album too. But the problem of never actually having heard any of it again bothered me. Oh well, I've got uni holidays coming up so I'll be able to luxuriate in, and devote myself uninterrupted to, getting to hear everything that it is necessary for human ears to hear.

Even though Dickhead Uni Students give him the shits, a nice chap named Agent FareEvader has overcome his distaste for our sort and linked to us. So check out Hecho En Mexico. It's down there, on your left.

Good opinion piece in The Australian about the more irrational side of Michael Moore.

Have just been watching Compass on the ABC, and the documentary that screened tonight was called Trembling Before G-d, about gay and lesbian orthodox Jews. It was really really interesting. Man, orthodoxy is intense. The rituals and stuff, it was so interesting. It was also sad, because, even with all this intellectual theology and study and stuff, rabbis would still very politely tell gay people that no, they weren't okay and then suggest therapy and drugs and celibacy and stuff. Anyway, so there were all these important matters of identity and all this cool religious language being dropped into the middle of English sentences, and there was this really good point made by this gay orthodox rabbi about how their covenant with god is a two-way street, like how Abraham or somebody made god change his mind one time, and some other guy did too, and so the covenant is about both sides being responsive and talking and stuff, etc. Which was all cool. But instead of talking about all that, I'm going straight for the funny bit.

You see, there was one really hilarious scene in the documentary. It was in this room in Jerusalem, where all these men were doing an atonement for the sin of homosexual sex. They were very dour. The ritual was announced, with the rabbi going something like "Now we will perform the ritual to atone for the sin of having sex with men. Let us pray for any sinners, if they be among us." Which I thought was quite ridiculously tactful since all the men there had clearly come to do that specific ritual. But I guess it might have made some feel less anxious about being there, so that later, if they met a guy in the street or synagogue and he said, "Your face looks familiar. Where have I seen you before? Oh yes! At the atonement ceremony we were at for being gay" they could still feasibly say, thanks to the rabbi's loophole, "Uh, maybe you were there for being gay, but I was just there to add my prayers and help out any sinners, if they were among us. I'm a giver, see."

Anyway, to the ritual. They started off by praying and kinda moving while they prayed, which, in the closely packed room, meant that they were rubbing against one another. The next part of the ritual that they had to do was rub ice, or what appeared to be ice, all over their skin and stuff. And then, the last part of the ritual had them all sitting down again, with each of them, with great intensity, blowing a horn! I'm sorry, but that just seemed like the kinkiest, most suggestive atonement ceremony ever! Close physical proximity, icing up your nipples and watching as all these other men did the same and then BLOWING A HORN!!! Hilarious! I found it, like, totally funny. None of them were cracking a smile though. Which made it even more funny. They were treating it all as a very serious undertaking to atone for their sex with men. Which might make you sad to think about, if you weren't instead focussing, like me, on the fact that they were doing this by being packed in tight to a room full of other men, rubbing ice on their skin and then blowing horns for a long time. All straight faced! Man, orthodox people are intense.

I'm starting to really check out Compass each week. I know it's religious programming, but it has delivered such gold documentaries as Hollywood Religions, [which I could watch endlessly. Man I wonder where I could get a copy of that?] and that Devil's Playground one about Amish rumspringer, and that one about how Jesus didn't really die on the cross, but was spirited away by his followers to 'rise' a few days later. See, no-one dies from crucifixion in three hours. Finally, a reason to use my oh-so-cheeky word invention, crucifiction. I'm probably not the first to use it, but aaaah. That felt good. Anyway, I can't wait for next week's Compass, which is gonna be about converting the kiddies through Christian rap and rock. Hey, they're coming to a stadium arena near you. Don't think that just because you're Australian you can escape this shit. I mean THEY'RE AUSTRALIAN! They're in frickin Newcastle! Anyway, I can see this is going to be a great religious documentary, fulfilling both requirements of horror and hilarity. Exactly my cup of tea. The advance clip contained this fantastic tidbit. See, there's this 'funky dude', who is the lead singer, on a big stage, and he's introducing his song to the the packed out stadium crowd [which is fucking scary]. Anyway, he goes "I wanna dedicate this next song to my best friend..... The Creator of the Universe". And then the music starts up and, whaddiya know, he launches into a little ditty called My Best Friend's The Creator of the Universe. Raaahahahaaha!!!

Today, via my sister, I got word that a friend of ours who lives in London is having a housewarming party soon. No big deal, right? And, as it's in London, neither of us can really be expected to attend, so what gives? Well, the fact that we won't be attending the party pretty much served as the reason for alerting us to its forthcomingness. This was the gleeful text of the message; "The datsuns are coming to our house warming!" OH MY GOD! The frickin Datsuns! Damn damn damn! Hangin with Dolf at a house party in East Dulwich! How damn cool would that be? Man! How does this happen? Stupid people who aren't ME who nonetheless get to meet people I like and then GET TO HANG WITH THEM!! Curse them! No gift for you!

Aaaah. Bless my VCR. Just watched my tape of the yummy Strokes appearing on Letterman. Adoration and drool. Instant warming happiness. Hey! Julian has a tan! Weird. My god I love that man. Oh Julian, my darling... Swoon. Sigh.

In the last year, I have been using the Internet a lot more than I ever used to before Guy and I started this blog. I would never go, um, 'surfing' just for my own amusement or anything before. But now I read blogs and stuff and there are links to follow etc, so I have killed some time here for the past year. Anyway, there's this thing that seems pretty prevalent, but which I don't understand. As I'm sick of not understanding, I'm just gonna ask. What does "LOL" mean? I think it's some kind of SMS speak, most often to be found deployed in comment sections the world over. I get what "OMG!" means, and "WTF!" But what the hell is "LOL"? I would like to know what this sentence means, in totality please, "OMG! WTF! LOL!"

Yay! Cat Power tickets on sale Tuesday. Yay! Yay! Yay!

Ha ha. Lowculture at the moment has a special feature on Carlos D.

I know this declaration is years late, but I just can't hold it in any longer. That Alec guy from Dark Angel is, like, TOTALLY HOT! You know, whats-his-name, that Jensen Ackles guy, formerly of Days of Our Lives [not hot] and lately of Dawson's Creek [semi-hot]. Oh man, in Dark Angel, that dude is freakin hot. His character is pure hotness. Oh my lord, the hotness. The tortured, sassy hotness. [I would recommend he ditch that leather jacket, though. It's one of those 'funky middle-aged' leather jackets. Yick. In his denim one, he is way hotter.] All this hot-Alec appraisal has come about because I've been re-watching Dark Angel as it's being repeated late at night. We're deep into second [and final] season territory now, which is great because two years ago when it originally aired, I missed the finale. Was in Cambodia and parents don't seem to be able to master the VCR even though I left step-by-step written instructions. Grrr. It's not endearing. Anyway, I'm just really really hoping that Jessica Alba's character ends up with the hot Alec character, rather than with that old dude. He's so humourless and he thinks he's so much better than Alec just because Alec has killed a whole bunch of people. That doesn't mean he doesn't have a conscience or isn't honourable, okay? Man, old dude, you're so not cool. I hope Max ditches you big time, just like Jessica did as soon as filming was over. SO not meant to be. DON'T TELL ME!

I have some stored up venting to do since the computer's only just come back online after being out of action for a bit. Okay, so it was like, two days. But it felt like ages. I'm just going to bitch. Like, I have only just recently been able to catch people to talk to for stupid local story assignment and am getting really pressed for time and it's gonna be crap. Also, my job is getting really annoying. Because of all my 'new responsibilities', because I'm a schmuck who can't be fucked finding a new job while others with half a brain go back to South Korea, my boss is constantly saying "Have you done this?" "Have you done this?" "Have you done this?" "Oh, you haven't done that. Tsk." Arrgh! Dude I would have fucking done it if you'd told me it was a chore that needed doing! If I'd known it even EXISTED! But NO! Grrr. At some point in EVERY shift for the past two weeks he has managed to find some new, unheard of thing that I "haven't done". Ooh, shame on me. All my workmates have noticed it, too. They're like, "What's with him always being on at you about something? What the hell is he talking about?" And I'm like, "Ergh. Can't chat. Gotta go do some pissy little thing." So then I come in early the next shift and I scramble to do every measly thing he's happened to mention so that there will be no "Oh, you haven't done that yet?" [Yet? YET? What are you talking about? Try EVER! I've been doing the same stuff for three years! Where is all this other shit coming from? See, this nagging isn't just happening in my new shift, it's happening in all my old ones too. What the hell is going on?] And no matter how much extra stuff I do, there is ALWAYS something. It actually effects some part of me, too. And I think, "Oh no. I could be doing better." And so I work harder. How lame is that? Why do I even care? Actually, have started to stop caring. Every stupid new thing and I'm more prone to just register it and move on, no anxiety. This lack of an anxious need to please has led me think differently, like 'I am SO getting a pay rise'. I never even considered that before, but now I'm like, how could he deny me? The fucker NEEDS me and I'm 22 and, as I said, I've been there three fucking years. Oh man, what have I been thinking? I should have asked for it years ago. He's got no reason NOT to pay me more. Definitely not a legal leg to stand on. How polite and dumb am I? What kind of a dickhead gets $11.90 an hour for running the joint while he sits out back doing whatever it is he does, coming out once in a while when I buzz him about needing a fresh batch of pancakes, bringing a fresh load of "Have you done this?" "Have you done that?" "Oh, you haven't done that"? Oh, yeah. MY kind of dickhead. Actually there are others who do the same job as me on different nights and get LESS! What the hell is wrong with us? Dude's gonna pay!

Yay Massachusetts!
Have to chuckle though. George is still going on about them darn 'activist judges'. Lame-o.

Anyway, saw Kill Bill, Vol. 2 today. I really liked it. The music was AMAZING! My god, that RZA is a genius. My favourite song, though, was that About Her one, you know, which plays while Uma is tucking her daughter into bed. That song was so cool, and revamped somehow. And the interesting thing about it, for me, was that it was sung by Malcolm McLaren! That's kinda weird, no? And oddly cool. Dunno if it was always the case that he sang that song, but gee it sounded damn good. You wanna know how I found out that Malcolm McLaren sang About Her in Kill Bill Vol. 2? It's because I sat ALL THE WAY THROUGH THE END CREDITS. Why? I had for some reason got it into my head that by doing so I would be treated to an hilarious outtake, which would reward the wait, no matter how excessively long it seemed. But it was just, like, an outtake. A regular non-mind-blowing outtake. Burned! But at least I got to find out that Malcolm McLaren thing. And now that you know about it too, you don't need to wait around at the end of the film like a chump. Seriously, there is no reason to.

Ahem, what on earth has happened to Fermina?

Just watched the amazing, brilliant, inspired KylieFever 2002 in the wake seeing A Clockwork Orange for the first time. This allowed me to revel in the true brilliance of Kylie performing two or three songs in a setpiece inspired by the movie. It was fantastic... set in that weird "Moloko" lounge or whatever it was, the dancers were dressed as those cross-legged female mannequins, there were giant inflatable Ks all over the stage, and Kylie was dressed as the main droog guy... you know the killer, rapist, psychopath. And in this costume... she was singing Spinning Around, one of the most insipid, stupid songs I own. That is just so ridiculously fantastic. Even if Kylie's never actually seen the film, and even if it is the work of her stylist (a strong possibility), it is BRILLIANT. AND, they called the "act" "Droogie Nights". Amazing (although it does add more weight to Mel's Kylie-as-empty-signifier argument). Oh Kylie, why have you fallen so far?

OHMYGOD. GirlTV, Channel 7, 4:00pm weekdays. Hideous.

Hmph. My favourite song by The Hells is now being used in a Just Jeans ad. I don't think I like this turn of events.

So I made a really long comment after watching Working Girl last night. And Guy suggested I post it proper, seeing as it's so long I guess. I mean, if I'm unloading about something, [ranting, shall we say?] it might as well be in the official ranting place. So this is last night's immediate post-movie comment about Working Girl, a movie that I love:

Damn! I always forget how troubling Working Girl is to watch. All I ever remember is the yay moments, like "Are ya decent?" and "Coffee, tea, me?" or the absolute golden profundity of "I'm not steak. You can't just order me!" Hee hee. These moments fill my heart with joy, and so I remember the film with a deep and abiding fondness. All that Statue of Liberty imagery is pretty funny too, like how it is fuzzy and distant in the background when Melanie/Tess has had a bad day, like, to signify how 'the dream of America is slipping away'. That's a riot! But then, whenever I watch the film again, I can no longer maintain my amnesia about how its kinda, um, troubling rather than inspiring.

Like, why does Tess' advancement depend on Sigourney's character being shat all over by a bunch of guys who stand around with impunity and call her a liar with a "bony ass" and congratulate themselves on weeding out a bad apple and replacing it with a good'n? Huh? Why couldn't some sleazoid coke fiend like Kevin Spacey's character be displaced in favour of Tess? And why does Sigourney's character have to pay so dearly for blocking Tess' path, while prats who have been doing that FOR YEARS, like Oliver Platt's character et al, get to keep their jobs and suffer no public humiliation whatsoever? I know I'm not supposed to read it like that. I'm supposed to view the film as a modern-day take on the Cinderella story [helped along by 'subtle' hints like Sigourney saying "This isn't a fairytale, Tess". Thanks Nichols. Real subtle]. 'Apparently', we're supposed to see Sigourney as the wicked step-mother blocking the path of Melanie/Tess/Cinderella blah blah and then be pleased when her duplicitous conniving proves her undoing. LAME! I'm like, hang that Cinderella shit! Why the fuck should I view the movie like that? Who wants to validate the politics of that fairytale anyway? Women being cruel to women in order to secure the man and improved social status? Nuh uh! The film's treatment of Sigourney's character is just foul. Especially as the guys get away with behaviour of the sort that, because she is scrutinised under a different standard, sees her cast out, drawn and quartered. Arrgh! I don't think you should be able to defend that foulness by hiding behind an already dubious concept. I mean, ideologically, fairytales suck!

And then there's all that 'realising the American Dream through grit and determination' stuff. Which just doesn't hold up as inspiring when you think about it. I mean, sure Tess made it. And yay for her. But, like, how happy should that make us on a wider social level? Her rise was plainly fanciful, and relied very heavily on good favour, duplicity and chance, rather than on any systemic appreciation of merit. Should we rejoice at the fact that the business world gained an asset despite itself? I used to go, "Yeah. You tell it, sister!" when Tess said that bit about "not playing by rules she had no say in making up" and all that. Because I figured that was a great scene which identified the inequities of the playing field and so forth, with the implied judgement being that the current situation was wrong. But then, at the end of the movie, the system hasn't registered any fundamental change in practices or culture, and even though the film has clearly noted them, we are meant to celebrate Tess' singular achievement and allow it to cover over all that. Unless the last shot, which zooms out to reveal her small part in the huge monstrosity of capitalism is meant to undercut any inspirational message? Hmmm. I don't know. Maybe the purpose of that shot is just to show us that this is just one small story, so just stop going on about the lack of wider implications will you, you dumbass annoying chick? Enjoy the Carly Simon and chill the hell out! Whatever. I've still got beefs.

Like how there's no real consideration of the different pressures Sigourney's character is working under, being a woman, nor the pressures that would lead that woman, at the party where Tess first meets Jack Trainer, to dress in a mannish fashion and talk about balls. We are clearly meant to judge her for that. Jack certainly does. Which sucks. Sure, she's annoying, but why is she more annoying than the a-hole standing next to her talking all the same crap? Also, why should we feel happy and rejoice with Tess when Sigourney's romantic rendez-vous plans with Jack fall through, when he begs off saying he has "met someone else. I mean, I have to go meet someone else". Sig has put herself out there big time, and she gets a standoffish smackdown. That's gotta hurt. Yet we aren't really invited to feel for her. Because she is a 'type' while Tess is a 'person'.

Hmmm. Don't get me wrong. For some reason, I really love this film. But I really can't ignore the fact that it's kinda schmucky.

Just saw an ad which made me chuckle like a loon. This probably isn't gonna be funny for anyone else if you don't get the hilarious significance of the product being advertised first-off. I mean, jokes are never funny when they have to be explained, are they? Oh well, I plod on. See, and this is the immediately funny bit, there is now an exercise product on the market called the 6 Minute Abs. Raahahahahaaa! Get it? That's freakin hilarious, no? No? You know, because of that scene in There's Something About Mary where Harland Williams' crazed hitch-hiker dude is going on about his great idea for a product, and how Stiller should be in on the ground floor because it's gonna take off big time? You know, how Harland goes, "Have you heard of that thing, the 8 Minute Abs?" And Stiller's like, "Uh, yes. They say you can firm your abs in 8 minutes." And then Harland goes, "Well, I've got an idea that's gonna blow that out of the water...[significant pause] 7 Minute Abs! You see? You get where I'm comin from? We promise people the same results as the 8 minute folk, but in 7 minutes! And we'll even throw in the extra minute... for free! You see where I'm comin from? You see how I'm gettin from A to B?" And then Stiller goes, "Um, yeah. That's great. You get the abs in a shorter amount of time than that being offered by the 8 Minute Abs. Er, but what about if someone comes up with the 6 Minute Abs?" And then Harland, like, has a crazy face twitch and then goes, "Nnnn nnn NO! Not six! Seven! Seven's the key number! Ain't nobody coming up with six! It's SEVEN! Seven chipmunks swirlin on a branch, eatin all the chestnuts on my uncle's ranch. You know, that old children's tale from by the sea? SEVEN! Seven's the key number!" And Stiller's like, "Okay okay. I'm sorry. Seven's the key number." And Harland's like, "Man! It's like you're talkin about gorganzola cheese when it's clearly brie time, baby! Step into my office!" And then Stiller's like, "Why?" And then Harland goes, "Because your fuckin fired!" And then he's mumbling about 'not six, seven' and talking about how Stiller's car seats are itchy, like cactus. Hee hee. Ah, GOLD! I love that scene. It's my favourite from that whole movie. For some reason, I used to reel it off verbatim quite frequently, but without any justifiable provocation, for the, I assumed, gratefully amused benefit of some school chums. Why why why? Anyway, now it's all capped off BEAUTIFULLY by the fact that, yes, someone has come up with the 6 Minute Abs (TM). Hahahahaha!

Yay! Peace rallies rule!

Wow, tonight is a golden night for taping movies off the tele. Best in Show is on, and then, in the late movie session I was gonna go for Death in Venice to round out the tape, cos I'm idiosyncratic like that, but then I saw that ohmyfuckingod Working Girl is on! I was jumping up and down and screaming and stuff, I was so happy. This movie has been the major revelation of my friendship with Guy [along with Bjork's Vespertine, Lucinda Williams and NW. Okay okay, I knew about NW already]. Yeah, that's gonna be one sweet tape. Best in Show followed by Working Girl. Score!

Oh man. I think I'm gonna have to miss Eurovision. I'll be writing assignments in the movie ad breaks. No, I can't miss Eurovision. I'll just have to stay up all night. But what about Amy's Eurovision party? Oh, the pressures of an avid TV consumer.

Umm... Gwyneth Paltrow and Chris Martin's new baby girl is called Apple. Enough with the names, celebrities, enough...

A few days ago I found a copy of A Camp, which is the side-project of Nina Persson of The Cardigans. I was all excited cause I love The Cardigans (actually, really only their last album, Long Gone Before Daylight which is just so jaded, it's fantastic!). Also, it looked all pretty and nice in a Vespertine kinda way, so while I was still stuck at uni, I just kept looking at it in anticipation. And it's OK. I guess. There's just one bit I can't stomache... Now it's always clunky when "artists" sing about drugs, particularly when they employ metaphors. But I thought this was particularly lame: "Oh I loved you then/ my chemical lover/ you veiled me in your haze/ like a puppet in your lace/ amazing disgrace/ from your silverspoon substance". Chemical lover? Silverspoon substance? It's all a bit Madonna really. Anyway, I was mildly disappointed, and had to share.

Speaking of Madonna, I remember a few years back, around Ray of Light time, that a nasty rumour took flight for a while. It was concerned with her lyrics, and suggested that Madonna wrote her songs with some automatic poetry generator that you can buy in novelty shops. While of course I never thought it was true, it does kinda capture the, shall we say, problem with Madge lyrics ("When I'm lost in space/ I can return to this place"). Actually, I think the best ever Madonna line was this: "Colonel Sanders said it best... finger licking good". It's from a song that Tim, a long, long time ago (if I remember correctly), thought was about eating at restaurants...

Oooh. Mel from A Wild Young Under-Whimsy was in the paper again today. Yay Mel! She so rules! Made me wanna go to Virginia Beach. It sounds so nice the way she described it - "a comfortable mixed-race city in the southern US state of Virginia." Mmmm. Good. I was just wondering, though, did you actually talk to NERD for your article? If you did, you must dish. But it seemed like yours was more of a background piece, deploying your pop-cultural expertise to get people up to scratch on the Pharrell et al phenomenon, with quotes from other sources. Is this the case? I'm just interested. I'm trying to figure out how to do this journalism thingo without actually talking to people. S'probably futile.

Man, I am scraping for material here. I just did the Random Melbourne Blog thing again [just so you know, if I ever do the Random Melbourne Blog thing and then decide to comment on what I have found, I got nothin]. This time, I came across total weirdness, completely alien to my world. It was this blog by some girl, and what struck me as so strange and unlike my own experience was this sentence:

"The Passion of the Christ is the greatest film I have ever seen."

WHAAAAAA? I was really shocked, man. I mean, this was proof enough for me that there's SO a whole bunch of other worlds out there about which I have NO UNDERSTANDING whatsoever. As that post continued, it just got weirder and weirder for me. She said the film was "A piece to pour over and meditate upon, it will make you fall to your knees." Huh? I just don't get it. And at the end she quoted this bit of Jesusness, you know, that "I make all things new" business, cos I guess she wanted to finish on a good inspiring note or something. [Maybe. I don't know. Haven't I just gotten done saying that I don't understand this?] And I was there thinking, "But that's like, the most annoying thing ever attributed to Jesus." And I was remembering how in the film when that line came out it was even weirder. I mean, he was having dinner with his friends and he pulls out this "I make all things new" crap. Dude, you wouldn't be invited to the next dinner party, that's for sure, even if you were alive for it.

Anyway, that's my poor effort for today. I came to the startling and highly original conclusion that some people think differently from others.

Yay for Mary! I realise I should know better, but I'm totally getting into this whole Danish royalty thing... I even watched a bit of the wedding, which was extremely boring, I should add. It had a kind of Logies feel in that the red carpet was filled with B-List European royalty. Where do these people come from? How do so many royal families still exist? A touch of humour was added by the very low-rent commentary. The best moment was when the guy was like "after the fall of the Soviet Union, many royal families formerly in exile have... showed up again". Ha ha. It just makes me think of frightened kids popping their head over the fence to see if they're in trouble, before they tip-toe home. Anyway, yay for Mary!

P.S. I am not a shameless little self-promoter.

Uh oh. Cool people read this blog. So yay to Ruth, of John Howard: Prime Minister fame, who has for some reason sullied her other blog, The Line Of Contempt, by linking to us. We have linked back, so check it out.

OH MY GOD! I have just found out what a SHAMELESS SELF-PROMOTER my fellow Symposiarch, Guy, is! However, this story starts off quite innocently. I won't be outraged until towards the end, just so you know. So, I was looking at our referral lister thingy, down there on your left, and I noticed one from Queerfilter and quite a few from Google. So I duly checked out Queerfilter and it appears Guy has listed us there or something, and it's all rather charming. He's described Symposiasts as "A mix of pop culture ramblings and political rants by two twenty-something Australians..." which is all to the good. I thought, oooh what a smart boy, always thinking of ways to expand our 'readership'. But now, knowing what I know, I see how crafty that wording is. Just wait. Hmmm. I checked out Google too, because I figured if people are googling "Symposiasts" I'd like to know what they come up with. And here came THE HORROR! OH, THE BETRAYAL! FOR SHAME! Actually, wait a bit more for that. So the result of googling "Symposiasts" is that our blog is #1 there. Props to us. Let's chant. "We're number one. We're number one." We're also #2. They have a kinda recent post and our first ever post, both of which are attributed to Guy. No big deal. Even though my name appears nowhere, I figure people will find out that I exist if they go to our blog. All fine. But the next result listed is for something called the Eatonweb Portal and it says "Weblog Info ID # 12196. Symposiasts by Guy :: Legitimating the judgements of feckless youth through publishing." And I'm like, huh, what's this? Is this another one of those 'get the word out' projects Guy sets himself? I hadn't ever heard about this one. And where's my name? Anyway, so I click to go there, and this is how someone has listed our site on this portal thingy:

Weblog Info ID # 12196
Symposiasts by Guy :: Legitimating the judgements of feckless youth through publishing.
Closed Group weblog| Australia Melbourne| English|
Books, Celebrities, Commentary, Entertainment, Fashion, General, Humor, Life, Literature, Media, Movies/film, Music, Personal, Politics, Pop Culture| born: 04.05.03| added: 04.22.03 | updated: 04.22.03| Sex: m

AHEM! And I am only just getting started. Because, further down, Google turns up our Queerfilter listing, which I had thought so charming. That is, until I saw how OUR postings appear on the site!


Apr 23, 2004
Hee hee hee. PJ Harvey and Franz Ferdinand and Electric Six are coming our way for Splendour in the Grass festival. SO hoping they do gigs! Gonna be special. more...
Posted 03:45 PM at Symposiasts [Australia | Male | Gay | English]

This is probably too horrifying for you all to consider [probably? Lady, it is horrifying!] but it is of quite some concern to me. I really think that I did serious damage to my breasts by spending last week bumming around bra-less at my house while avoi more...
Posted 10:47 AM at Symposiasts [Australia | Male | Gay | English]

If you wanna, you can listen to a live set from Interpol right now, and for a while hence, with spiffy cool accompanying photo, at CBC RADIO3. But it's a pretty paltry offering, considering how some people get to actually hang out with the real deal. In more...
Posted 09:38 AM at Symposiasts [Australia | Male | Gay | English]

Just came back from seeing Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind. SO DAMN GOOD. Really. It's rare that a movie doesn't have a cringe moment, and this one REALLY didn't [well, not in that bad 'this is fucking up the movie' way. I mean, sure, Elijah Wood wa more...
Posted 07:48 AM at Symposiasts [Australia | Male | Gay | English]


Ummmm. [faux-rant building....explodes] DUDE! I WROTE THOSE! And while I will grant you that I AM Australian and I DO speak English, um, hello, like, I AM NOT MALE, NOR GAY! Who could they possibly be confusing me with, eh? I mean I'm talking about my frickin boobs there, man! So now I'm re-evalutating that nondescript "two twenty-something Australians" bit. Seems a little too nondescript. I mean, I AM A CHICK! Are you ashamed of me?

Hee hee. This is fun. You're gonna think I'm really mad. Sucker! I totally get that these sites probably only give you the option of listing one author, and also, that listing me as author would not make Symposiasts eligible for some of them. It was just kinda weird. I mean, I EXIST!

Paris Hilton Watch: She's appearing in Las Vegas on Monday night, but that's not even the news [by the way, when the FUCK is The OC coming back? Bring it back ya bastards! Paris was on that show too!]. Anyway, the news is, oh joy of joys, that her pop debut is FINALLY imminent! Yippee! Her first single will be a cover of Baby I Don't Care. Can you just SEE the film clip?! It's gonna be perfect! Pouty Paris rolling her eyes at all these people making a fuss about her, or trying to get into clubs while she just waltzes through with her dead glazed look. GOLD! She looks joyless better than anyone. Yay! And even more yay, she's WRITTEN a song that's gonna accompany the first single! It's called Screwed and I anticipate a delightfully subtle play on words. I wonder what video they'll match with that one? [Ergh. Mark that down as one of the many million lame sex-tape jokes about to wash over the world. Lame lame lame.]

Adrien Brody Watch: Sited looking annoying somewhere on the French Riviera about to join some wanky celebrity car race. He was wearing a leather jacket which read "Fuck Me... I'm a Celebrity". Ironic in an Ethan Hawke kinda way. Although Brody should really make another movie, or else it could get a little too ironic.

Uh oh. THEY'RE ONTO US!! Hmmm, also, we seem to be caught up in what one pop culture hipster called the "Internet fashion du jour". Ouch. Shut up Professor Paul, you bitch.

Hee hee. This is quite a funny little front page article for The Australian. I particularly like the last sentence. Props. Now if only they would fire Janet.

I've said before how much I can't stand The Australian's Janet Albrechtsen, so of course I was sickly excited by the fact that she'd weighed into the gay marriage debate. In her article No Hatred in Keeping Gay Marriage Sacred, she argues that it's not discriminatory to deny marriage rights to gay couples. However, she then suggests that gay marriage is dangerous as it "[takes] us further down the path to moral relativism, where all lifestyles are seen as equal". This was where I jumped up at the breakfast table, 'cause she just undermined her whole "seperate but equal" argument with that little slip up - she's implying that gay lifestyles are not equal to heterosexual lifestyles (and also that the acceptance of them is the thin end of the wedge towards Armageddon or something). You slipped up! You tried to hide your basic homophobia beneath legal hogwash and bullshit "research" from Scandanavia, but you failed. I think what annoys me most about Albrechtsen is that she just forms stupid arguments, but then tries to write with this annoying tone of "I'm just being reasonable". Grrrr.

Also, the other day walking down to the station, I noticed a copy of Hustler lying on the curb, opened to reveal this poor woman spread-eagled for the world to see. It seems that one of my neighbours was trying to subtly dispose of some porn, but unluckily for them, it never made it onto the recycling truck... ha ha ha the seedy heart of suburbia!

Ergh. How painful was that Miriam show tonight? Those dudes are such tossers and Miriam's really boring and awkward. I dunno if I'll be sticking around.

Anyway, on a more happy happy joy joy note, the Scissor Sisters album RULES! Especially the first song, Laura, which I have been playing repeatedly. It's like a cross between Simian and Prince. Total gold. I also bought The Stands album, which I really really like very very much. Brings back memories of their live show and is just really dorko nod-sway-sing-along-inducing but great. Yay for my purchases today!

Oh man! Am cacking my daks here. Tonight's episode of Queer Eye is proudly brought to us by the new KY Warming Liquid! I'm sorry. I'm pissing myself. Also, it's the pilot tonight, and there are all these different dudes. Only Carson and Ted remain in the actual series. I thought I wouldn't be able to handle a Thom-free Queer Eye, but I like these other guys, especially the culture guy, who says things like "You know what your music collection tells me?...You're a WASP" or "Could you please explain to me why you like Billy Joel? I mean, Billy Joel is the iceberg lettuce of rock music." I like that guy. But I like Jai too. Anyway, this show always worked.

Hee hee hee hee hee hee! I bought my Franz Ferdinand tickets this morning. Yay! Yay! Yay! Yay! Yay! Yay! YAY!

Am trying to catch up on my weekend papers reading, because my two hell shifts left me kinda wiped today. I mean yesterday. Anyway, was making my way through The Sunday Age Magazine and found something that made me chortle. Now, I have been prone to defend Thorpie - cos he's an alright dude - from scurillous attacks by Guy, but his appearance in this week's "Waking Up With..." page provides so much ammunition. First off, he's only wearing a pair of white undies - from his own underwear line - which is a pet hate for Guy. And he's tanned and posed, etc. Blonde streaks artfully tousled. But he does have chest hair. You gotta give him that. AND leg hair. Anyway, funniest moment is the bit where Thorpie goes "if you don't like your view of the world, you change the prescription of your glasses and you'll find a way to make things work". That's deep, man. Aahahahaahaaaaah!! So pillory away, my good friend.

Had thought Guy would have commented on this, but maybe he missed Video Hits this morning. Anyway, I gave him almost 12 hours if he did see it, so now I'm gonna talk about Britney's new clip, Everytime. Apparently it's controversial, but you know what that means. Nuttin. I liked it, except for that bit at the end with the newborn baby. What the fuck is that about? Mmmm, Stephen Dorff. Throws tantrums nicely and seems to be enjoying just randomly breaking things and pretending to be hard, and then for some reason taking off his top. Mmmm. We've missed you, darling. Laurie says you're hot in Cold Creek Manor, so I'm gonna check that out too. I also liked Britney's underpants outfit.

Hmmm, am being inundated by brushes with almost celebrity-ness at the moment. Maybe 'inundated' is too strong a word, but it has happened twice in the past few days, so I'm going with it. Firstly, on Thursday Richard Frankland rang in to 3CR while I was working reception, in between flipping through street press and chatting to Camille. I mean RICHARD FRANKLAND! That's big! He made that amazing documentary Who Killed Malcolm Smith? and wrote that great play Conversations With the Dead about his experiences gathering information for the Royal Commission into Aboriginal Deaths in Custody. They did the play at the Playbox a few years ago with Aaron Pedersen playing Richard. I'm not sure if you could see it anywhere soon, but it's good. And that Malcolm Smith doco is just AMAZING!! Try to find it in a library or something. Seriously. Richard Frankland totally rocks! And he was like "Hello. To whom do I have the pleasure of speaking?" And I was like, "Um, I'm Elanor. I'm just a volunteer at reception." And then he goes, "Hi Elanor. It's Richard Frankland here..." And I'm like "Oh HI!" immediately brightening up like I know him or something. Anyway, he wanted to talk to the station manager about plans for the formation of an Indigenous political party [a fucking great idea, by the way] but the manager wasn't available and so I took down Richard's mobile number so that he could get back to him. And then STUPIDLY, I passed it straight on to the manager, without making a copy for myself! Where the FUCK is my journalistic nouse?! I'm supposed to be filling up my contact book with numbers, etc! And mobile numbers score big points. Christ I am dumb! But let's just call me ethical and leave it at that.

So that was Thursday's brush. And today, apparently, while me and my dad and bro were out at my cousin Robert's 21st birthday family do, Lindsay Tanner himself dropped by our house for a chat. Weird! He left a note too, or at least a person who signs their name Lindsay Tanner did, with a "Sorry I missed you!" That exclamation mark makes it seem like he really means it, don't ya think? He's the Shadow Minister for Communications, too, which is kinda becoming my area. I could've asked him about local content quotas and shit like that, and about adequately funding the ABC and SBS so that they can continue to kick arse, public affairs wise [and also so they can show more live music on TV in which I might appear...see below]. I could have at least had a story for show-and-tell at Uni on Monday [not that we actually have show-and-tell at Uni. Jeez. But I could have slipped it into conversation somewhere, and then basked in the reflected glory of a random meeting with a person of note. Now all I'll be able to do is to try and one-up someone by saying, "Well, I could have spent Saturday arvo yakking it up with Lindsay Tanner but, like, I was busy cos I'm really important, okay? Sheesh! Just because he came to your house and talked to you doesn't mean he likes you more than me. He doesn't even know how much he likes me yet. He wishes I had been home so he wasn't stuck talking to the likes of YOU!" Which might not be so fun, nor very much in the happy spirit of show-and-tell.] Um, anyway, I might have at least been able to chuck a policy 'scoop' in to any discussions we might have been having on Labor's media/communications policy, or something. Fourth commercial network you say? Telstra privatised, yes or no? Straight from the horse's mouth, if you will. It would have at least been interesting to see for myself what the guy is like. Damn! It might've been fun. But probably awkward. At least he left his office phone number for my contact book, which was nice. But, oh well. Lindsay, as an enthusiastic would-be visitor once said, "Sorry I missed you!"

I'm sick of this whole "it's un-American!" response to the Iraq torture photos. It IS American - this stuff is being done by Americans, and actually, Americans have a history of this kinda thing. It just seems like such a lame response - this isn't really us being represented here, so we can still see ourselves as proud, democratic, heroic etc. etc. Whereas other nationalities, they are torturers. That's their identity. I'm not saying that middle-America would go round chaining Iraqis up like dogs (although I'm sure some would), but to write off these actions without thinking about them in relation to what it means to be American seems a bit glib.

HAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAAAAA!!! Took my chances on Random Melbourne Blog and happened upon Guy's twin here. DUDE! He is SO your twin!

Just got a massive influx of cash, off the books, from the hell shift from which I have just returned home. Started at 5pm yesterday, cleaning the DUNNIES, and went flat chat all the way til 2am today making pancake after fucking pancake after fucking pancake. PEOPLE! Just GO AWAY! Why oh WHY must hordes frequent the establishment in which I work? Why must they order pancakes? Why must big groups come in all at once so I get SLAMMED!? For hours and hours and hours! ARRGGH! Hey, am I, like, a chef or something? I'm just wondering because I made all the food that everyone in the place ate tonight. And that's pretty much what I do every shift. Huh. Anyway, onto more important things, ie. THE MONEY! Here is my wish list;

Franz Ferdinand tickets. Oh fuck yeah!
Electric Six tickets.
Loretta Lynn album, Van Lear Rose.
PJ Harvey album, Uh Hu Her whenever it comes out [even though the woman has just broken my heart by making her Splendour in the Grass appearance her ONLY Australian gig! HEARTLESS WENCH!]
The Datsuns new album, whenever it comes out.
The Stands album.
The Mess Hall album, if there is one.
Fire Underground EP, if I can find it.
Scissor Sisters album.
Cut Copy tickets, for their Espy gig on May 22nd. And, pending the outcome of that, Cut Copy album...Wait. Am I doing that the wrong way around? Meh.
The Bronx album.
And, continuing my fruitless search for the Elastica album.

Please let me know if I have overlooked any essentials, or if any of these proposed purchases are ill-advised. I may be crowing about my stack of money, but I don't wanna waste it. I mean, I CLEANED TOILETS for that shit, man!

I have an opinion on Big Brother now. I like Bree.

I've been meaning to mention that the reason Claud down at Loneliness Electric hasn't blogged in like, forever, is because she is now working as a research assistant for the BBC in Berlin... wow. Apparently it was one of those right-places, right-time scenarios that only seem to occur in exciting European capitals. So no, it's not the usual case of starting a blog that quckly dies from apathy... this one died cause of a really cool job!

Have just been watching my tape of that 4 Corners report about football and rape. Hey Laurie's uncle, wassup. You're on TV! By the way, check out Perth Rock City for hilarious animations of the football raping mentality. Anyway, the 4 Corners report was less hilarious, kinda scary really, and made me kinda make up some new rules for myself, and for girls generally.

Rule #1
Stay away from footballers.
Rule #2
If you accidentally find yourself around footballers, try to leave as soon as possible and DO NOT get incapacitated in any way.
Rule #3
If you meet a really nice guy and you really like him and he's a footballer, DO NOT go anywhere with him until you've asked these questions; "Are your mates going to be there? Do you make a habit of watching your mates rape girls? Have you ever raped girls?" Just normal, getting to know you stuff. Oh sorry, you should also ask if he's raped boys. That is also bad. Rape is bad.

I know that this is judgemental and tarring the whole football community with one brush, and that I would be highly incensed if anyone had rules about not fraternising with Muslims out of a general, irrational fear of coming to harm because incidences of violence by members of that community had come to be seen as symptomatic of a culture of belief/behaviour in that community. I know this is wrong. And it's a very recent thing for me. I never thought of footballers as rapist before all this. And there are more allegations today. Some players from my club, Hawthorn, apparently went to Daniel Chick's wedding in Hawaii five years ago, and while there did some sightseeing, some scuba, some raping. I mean, you don't wanna fly all that way just for a wedding, do ya? And I really liked the players who were around Hawthorn five years ago. That's pretty much where my knowledge of the club ends, cos I kinda stopped paying attention to footy after school finished. I liked all those players, knew all their names, and five of them might be rapists? Whoah! Just generally, how can they do that? You hear the accounts, like on 4 Corners on Monday, and it's just sick. I mean, they're raping people! And they tend, it seems, to do it in such a way that lots of people know about it, and then the club knows about it, and players who weren't even there know about it, and everyone still keeps quiet and won't be the one to 'put their mate/s in it' or anything. Eeeek!

Oh man. I so cannot sustain this argument without hypocrisy. I wanna say things like "You just can't trust em" and "They think differently from you and me about women" and stuff. Arrgh! I mean, no-one has actually been prosecuted, all investigations have led to findings of 'insufficient evidence' etc. I can't justify my new rules in any way. But still, now I'm suspicious of every footballer I see on TV. All those sweet-looking faces, and I'm thinking, "Have you?" Or "Have your friends? And if so, are they still your friends?" Stuff like that. It's so wrong. I'm prejudiced now. It's not okay.

Dudes! Just saw something freakin amazing on Letterman. Loretta Lynn and the Do Whaters. Oh man. Totally cool. And Jack was wearing light grey, rather than the requisite black/red/white of his other band. And he looked good. But that's no surprise. I'm just saying, he is an even hotter man in different colours. And his pants were, to quote the crazy christian mom from Detroit Rock City, "so tight I can see your penis". Ahaahaa, that's a classic line. Anyway, the outfit went really well with his new hair. He and the band looked like dusty country jailbirds, with Loretta in a big floorlength Miss Haversham/80s prom dress. Did I mention it was freakin amazing!

Props to Leah for suggesting we go and see The Milgram Re-enactment tonight at ACMI. It was this film of this performance art piece thought up by this guy called Rod [can't remember his last name. But he's some major dude] and they were re-enacting the Milgram experiments that took place in the 60s at Yale. You know, those ones where people kept giving electric shocks of increasing intensity to other people, just because a guy in a white coat said they should. It was cool, man. They were like, making an exact copy in real time of what actually happened during the experiments, with the script being a transcript of what people actually said while they were participating. It was quite weird to realise how easy it was to get people to inflict [what they believed was] harm on other people. There was no gun to their heads and only quite gentle urgings to continue. They felt diminished responsibility and any pangs of conscience were easily quashed just by the authority guy saying "just keep going with the experiment" and stuff. The experiment they thought they were a part of had a spurious purpose too, which was made blooming obvious as it progressed, but that didn't deter them much either. They just had to do their bit, and that became the goal. Even though, without their bit, no harm would be done. It's all about, like, how certain contexts will manifest the same behaviour in most people, banality of evil and all that shit. They weren't evil, see. Just acquiescent. That Rod dude was really smart too. He used to make crop circles in England. How cool is that?!

George (Pell-Pot) Pell's Wacky Ideas on Marriage:
As soon as I saw that Pell had written an article against gay marriage in today's The Australian, I knew I was in for some fun. Ignoring the scary fact that he actually has quite a lot of power and clout, it's just laughable how bad his argument against gay-marriage is – it just does not make sense! I for the life of me don't understand the basic platform of his argumment - I don't get why same-sex marriage would "whittle away" the rights of heterosexual couples? Basic rights are not a finite resource. If you give them to someone else, you don't have to then deny them to others. According to Pell, "promoting so-called gay marriage through legal endorsement by the state would weaken significantly the place of traditional marriage and bring with it instability and futher confusion". Confusion - who is confused here? Will gay marriage confuse straight couples? It seems quite clear-cut to me, but then, I'm not totally insane. Other stupid arguments include:

"Same-sex marriage would erode traditional marriage as the norm for most men and women"
"Marriage is in decline" – which means that we should deny it to those who want it…
"[Marriage] provides a significantly lower danger of child abuse and murder"
"[Marriage]… provides lower rates of injury"
"It is not discrimination to say that same-sex marriage takes us in the wrong direction"

(ooh, Elanor's got there before me!)

Baaahahahaah! In the paper this morning, Archbishop George Pell actually uses the term "activist judges". BAAAHAAHAHAAAAAA! What a LAME-O! Way to jump on the bandwagon, G. Where the hell do you think you are? Oh yeah, in a shitty world where dumbass Archbishops can write opinion pieces that poorly argue the 'case' against gay marriage. Apparently, "decades of international research" have provided evidence to the fact that if you are not in, or not raised in, a 'traditional' marriage, you're pretty much gonna be a social problem for the rest of us...but George makes sure to diffidently qualify all his talk about how in families where there is not marriage, you're pretty much fucked - you're gonna be unhealthy, unfaithful, your kids are gonna be baby sluts, and then they're gonna live in sin just like you did, you're gonna be poor, you're all gonna be criminals, you're gonna kill yourself, or, if you dont, you're certainly not gonna live as long or be as happy as the marrieds - by saying "This is not to condemn devoted parents in situations other than marriage, single parents, often heroic(!), and de facto couples." Nope, George, no condemnation of them in your article at all. It's just the research talking. I liked that 'heroic' touch. Way to heap it on, man. Also, you omitted another group of "devoted parents in situations other than marriage" there, didn't you? But I suppose that's precisely your point, eh. You're so reasonable, George. Making all these social welfare arguments. You really look out for us average peeps. You talk so sweet, we might even forget that you don't care a jot about any of this shit you're spinning. You just think gay people suck. But I suppose that's implicit in statements like "Allowing same-sex couples to marry would worsen the situation of the family in Australia" and "It is not discrimination to say that same-sex marriage takes us in the wrong direction". I'm sorry dude, but you haven't backed that up, and you've been disingenuous about your motivation for making the argument. You suck, and not even in an original way. Clunky-ass mofo.

People might be getting sick of me and my pissed off position about this gay marriage stuff, but I can't let it go. It's not about the marriage thing. I'm not into it because I think all gay people should get married, or whatever. It's about the normalised injustice thing. It galls me to think that people go "Why do they want to get married anyway?" etc etc etc, "What's with all the troublemaking?" blah blah. I'm like, PEOPLE! It's not fair! And it's a symptom of this fundamental assumption about gay relationships being less worthy, and this unreflective acceptance of the idea that gay people shouldn't really mind about their different civic and social status, since they're different and all. And then you go, like "Wouldn't you mind?" And they're like, "Uh, lady, that's beside the point. Cos I'm not gay". Right. This stuff can't work in people's minds unless they think, gay/different=lesser. And that's fucked up.

Have just come home from seeing Elephant. It was, like... really... really... really... really good. Very understated and gentle and quiet and captivating and tender. And the characters were so natural and just, like, existed. Reviewers have called it shallow, but I disagree. Mainly because, well, people don't generally go around expressing their deep interiority in usual life. Rather, any such interiority mostly remains almost imperceptible in our social interactions. We only ever get glimpses of other people's internal stuff, and the film nails that. And I found that quite deep. It's exactly the right perspective, especially for us as viewers, as we just follow all the kids around and watch. From the very first few minutes, I knew this film was something special. The first scene, with the kid and his drunk dad driving to school. The behaviour is spot on. People, you just have to see that scene! It is so fine. Timothy Bottoms is the fucking deal as the dad. My god! His work in That's My Bush was great, but this is just superb. And that kid, man. All the kids. Are so, just, like...there. This movie is totally fucking beautiful.

Anyway, even though the film is like, exemplary in its presentation of behaviour, that's not the only subject matter here. There is, of course, a high-school massacre to contend with. The threat of it is just at the edges of every frame. The slow moving camera makes you only too aware of what you can't see, and how you won't be fast enough to avoid it. This is how it played to my mind, anyway. All those long, slow engrossing scenes of just following behind a walking student, leave you kinda half in the gently unfolding screen moments, and half in the increasingly tense audience. Also, I think it makes sense not to have the killers exposit an answer as to why they are going to do what they are going to do. It is more fitting that we just watch them do it. I think that provides insight. For me, it was about him/them feeling something, and then deciding that some kind of course of action would remedy that feeling. So he made a decision as to what that course of action would be. And the fact of having made that one decision, installed in it the value of correctness. It was like, on a whim they happened on a plan. The plan existed. So everything that followed on from it just HAD to be done. Without reflection or an interrogation of the initial motivation to have a plan. I think. This is the mental process that I found in the boys, anyway.

For me, the film showed that their mentality wasn't;
"We're going to kill people at school."
"Why?"

Rather, it was;
"We're going to kill people at school."
"Okay. We're going to kill people at school."

It was sort of like a 'why not let's try it?' vibe. Like, ANY idea would have presented as a viable option to them, and this was the one they got a grasp of. And I think that's BIG. And true. And unexplainable - I mean, why this idea? And still more true. Really, I found it to be an excellent film. Quality.

Did anyone notice teasers on Channel 10 for that Miriam show (or whatever it was)... you know, with the chick in the bikini that was actually... a HE! Well, it was supposed to be starting this Tuesday, but now it seems to have been replaced by some Newlyweds special. What's the deal? Has it been pulled? Can't we handle transgender TV? I want answers!

Okay, so first episode of the new BIG BROTHER happened tonight. No opinion as yet, except, what the hell was with the hideously ugly luggage?

Oooh ooh ooh! That documentary Oprah did a thing on, you know Devil's Playground, about that period of permitted debauchery and freedom the young Amish go through as a rite of passage, is on Compass tonight! SCORE!

Through Angus at I Feel Love, I was introduced to this book list at Chun the Unavoidable. Not to compound our literary guilt or anything, but how are we all doing, reading wise? Or is this list just shit? I have bolded the ones that I've read, and italicised the ones I have attempted but not yet gone back to. Christ, it's alarming how many of these books I have bought, with best intentions, and not even touched! To make myself feel better, I'm gonna asterisk* the books whose authors' other work I have read [or almost read]. Man! I am grasping at straws! Anyway, here's the list;

Beowulf
Achebe, Chinua - Things Fall Apart
Agee, James - A Death in the Family
Austen, Jane - Pride and Prejudice *
Baldwin, James - Go Tell It on the Mountain
Beckett, Samuel - Waiting for Godot
Bellow, Saul - The Adventures of Augie March
Bhabha, Homi - Nation and Narration
Brontë, Charlotte - Jane Eyre
Brontë, Emily - Wuthering Heights
Camus, Albert - The Stranger [in french, no less!]
Cather, Willa - Death Comes for the Archbishop
Chaucer, Geoffrey - The Canterbury Tales
Chekhov, Anton - The Cherry Orchard
Chopin, Kate - The Awakening
Conrad, Joseph - Heart of Darkness
Cooper, James Fenimore - The Last of the Mohicans
Crane, Stephen - The Red Badge of Courage
Dante - Inferno
de Cervantes, Miguel - Don Quixote
Defoe, Daniel - Robinson Crusoe
Derrida, Jacques - Of Grammatology
Dickens, Charles - A Tale of Two Cities *
Dostoyevsky, Fyodor - Crime and Punishment *
Douglass, Frederick - Narrative of the Life of Frederick Douglass
Dreiser, Theodore - An American Tragedy
Dumas, Alexandre - The Three Musketeers
Eliot, George - The Mill on the Floss *
Ellison, Ralph - Invisible Man
Emerson, Ralph Waldo - Selected Essays
Faulkner, William - As I Lay Dying
Faulkner, William - The Sound and the Fury
Fielding, Henry - Tom Jones
Fitzgerald, F. Scott - The Great Gatsby
Flaubert, Gustave - Madame Bovary
Ford, Ford Madox - The Good Soldier
Goethe, Johann Wolfgang von - Faust
Golding, William - Lord of the Flies
Hardy, Thomas - Tess of the d'Urbervilles
Hawthorne, Nathaniel - The Scarlet Letter
Heller, Joseph - Catch 22
Hemingway, Ernest - A Farewell to Arms
Homer - The Iliad
Homer - The Odyssey
Hugo, Victor - The Hunchback of Notre Dame
Hurston, Zora Neale - Their Eyes Were Watching God
Huxley, Aldous - Brave New World
Ibsen, Henrik - A Doll's House
James, Henry - The Portrait of a Lady *
James, Henry - The Turn of the Screw
Joyce, James - A Portrait of the Artist as a Young Man *
Kafka, Franz - The Metamorphosis
Kingston, Maxine Hong - The Woman Warrior
Lee, Harper - To Kill a Mockingbird
Lewis, Sinclair - Babbitt
London, Jack - The Call of the Wild
Mann, Thomas - The Magic Mountain *
Marquez, Gabriel García - One Hundred Years of Solitude *
Melville, Herman - Bartleby the Scrivener
Melville, Herman - Moby Dick
Miller, Arthur - The Crucible
Morrison, Toni - Beloved
O'Connor, Flannery - A Good Man is Hard to Find
O'Neill, Eugene - Long Day's Journey into Night
Orwell, George - Animal Farm *
Pasternak, Boris - Doctor Zhivago
Plath, Sylvia - The Bell Jar
Poe, Edgar Allan - Selected Tales
Proust, Marcel - Swann's Way
Pynchon, Thomas - The Crying of Lot 49
Remarque, Erich Maria - All Quiet on the Western Front
Rostand, Edmond - Cyrano de Bergerac
Roth, Henry - Call It Sleep
Salinger, J.D. - The Catcher in the Rye
Shakespeare, William - Hamlet
Shakespeare, William - Macbeth
Shakespeare, William - A Midsummer Night's Dream
Shakespeare, William - Romeo and Juliet ********
Shaw, George Bernard - Pygmalion
Shelley, Mary - Frankenstein
Silko, Leslie Marmon - Ceremony
Solzhenitsyn, Alexander - One Day in the Life of Ivan Denisovich
Sophocles - Antigone
Sophocles - Oedipus Rex
Steinbeck, John - The Grapes of Wrath
Stevenson, Robert Louis - Treasure Island
Stowe, Harriet Beecher - Uncle Tom's Cabin
Swift, Jonathan - Gulliver's Travels
Thackeray, William - Vanity Fair
Thoreau, Henry David - Walden
Tolstoy, Leo - War and Peace *
Turgenev, Ivan - Fathers and Sons
Twain, Mark - The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn
Voltaire - Candide
Vonnegut, Kurt Jr. - Slaughterhouse-Five
Walker, Alice - The Color Purple
Wharton, Edith - The House of Mirth *
Welty, Eudora - Collected Stories
Whitman, Walt - Leaves of Grass
Wilde, Oscar - The Picture of Dorian Gray
Williams, Tennessee - The Glass Menagerie *
Woolf, Virginia - To the Lighthouse *
Wright, Richard - Native Son

Seriously, WHO THE FUCK HAS ACTUALLY READ BOEWULF?

I broke my Parkinson embargo last night, as I had to check out Kylie. Never mind that I was half-way through American History X (which kinda sucked). So anyway, I paused the skinhead/redemption stuff, and cut to Kyles doing an absolutely shocking rendition of Red Blooded Woman. Actually, it was a pretty accurate rendition, but I just can't make myself dig that song. Especially when you've got three backup singers enunciating the crap lyrics really lucidly ("boy, boy", "all for the sake of sexy... YOU'RE LOVIN it"...).

Song finished, and Kyles did the quick walk to the interview area (which I've always thought was kinda awkward - it seems too quick a change between singing and chatting. Maybe on ITV they can cut to an ad...). This has always been the environment where Kylie shines, and this was no exception. She handled him like a pro. She's such a little talk-show bunny - she's just so savvy, and subtly puts Parky in his place when he gets shitty and invasive. Where Meg Ryan talks tough, Kylie just smiles, giggles then moves the questioning away from the important stuff (like she answered a question about nervous breakdowns by talking about how much she loved her mum). So she did good. However, there was weird stuff going on with her face. I think this is the price on pays for botox beauty. You look great on magazine covers, but in real life, there's just something not right about the way your face moves. Kinda creepy, but I still love her.

Yay! Another foreigner has linked to us! Vive la France! Or perhaps it's more, Vive le francophile Aussie living in Shanghai! Anyway, so I have duly added Boulevard St Michel to our links. Just so you can find us there - and to prove I'm not lying about how we're taking the world by storm, which we totally ARE babies - he has put us in the gay section of his links, called "Marais" because of the correlation to that neighbourhood of Paris, I think. Merci, and woo-hoo!

Oh, OK. I think I got the symbolism of that N.E.R.D clip... you know, the booty spaceship, and the wolves and so forth.

A weird thing happened on the train. A guy, a boy really, sat down and started talking to me out of the blue, saying "Not working tonight? You work at Stokers don't you? Yeah, I've seen you there". Hey, I know I know, it's not much of a celebrity moment, but then I'm not much of a celebrity. So we proceeded to chat and he kept asking me questions about my life, blah blah, my glamourous pancake-and-coffee-making life. And uni, etc, and local people who we both knew etc etc. And it was all fine and normal, and we chatted all the way to our respective stops and it was all very nice, except that I didn't know this guy! He had just seen me at my work. So now we were talking? What's up with that? Weird. Also, he is in a ska band. This is developing into a pattern. See, some of you may have heard me mention my confusion about this guy at uni who I didn't know at all just randomly coming up to me and starting up a conversation and then lending me a CD, which meant we had to exchange numbers so that I could return the CD (which I didn't even want) to him, and stuff. Anyway, that guy was also in a ska band. This is freakin me out! What is it about me that causes ska band members to just talk to me, out of nowhere!? WEIRD! They start the conversation, they ask the questions, they make sure to tell me their names. I don't do anything. What the hell motivates them? Crazy ska-loving freaks. Anyway, the only strange moment in tonight's converstaion came when, after realising we both knew this girl called Nicki, he said, "Oh yeah. When I saw you at Stokers I thought you looked quite like her". Right. That WAS quite strange. People should NOT be looking at me or thinking things about me when I am at work. But now I'm wondering, what if they are? It never occurred to me that they could all be surmising things about me from the relative darkness of their tables. Holy crap. I'm not a public figure! Anyway, now I know how famous people must feel all the time..... pleasantly diverted.